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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896725">Some stories ... are incredibly complicated and emotional</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NBsan/pseuds/NBsan'>NBsan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Some Stories [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(Just to be on the save side), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BDSM, Begging, Blindfolds, Bondage, Bondage with Kidou, Bottoming from the Top, D/s undertones, Deepthroating, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Double Preparation, Fights, First Time, Love Confessions, M/M, Mind Games, Non-Consensual, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Overstimulation, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Sounding, Spanking, clothes pins, ice cubes, talking about BDSM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:02:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24896725</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NBsan/pseuds/NBsan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For example when Ichigo thinks that Renji fled back into Byakuyas arms and their sexual behaviour takes a 180 degree turn.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Byakuya, Abarai Renji/Kurosaki Ichigo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Some Stories [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1791631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Seireitei, one year ago</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24860425">Manche Geschichten ... sind furchtbar kompliziert und emotional</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/NBsan/pseuds/NBsan">NBsan</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi guys, here's the second part. If you took a look at the amount of chapters - yes, it's quite long. And it was also a oneshot once. Then it turned out to be 55,000+ words and, well...</p>
<p>Also: Ever heard the term / sentence: "How dub-con is non-con?" In this story the following answer fits well: He never said no - but he also never said yes. <br/>Non-con scenes only during the ByakuyaxRenji parts.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was some hours since nightfall already and the cold spring wind that blew through the Seireitei left Renji shuddering. When Byakuya left the office earlier he left the window open.</p><p>Renji was still writing the report from the last mission and tried to remember if it had been thirteen Hollows or fourteen. His gaze moved to the stack of papers he still had to do (and that actually had to be done until yesterday).</p><p>With a sigh he pressed his forehead against his desk. Of course it was his own fault for not starting the reports earlier but he was gruesomely tired. The last Hollow attack in Rukongai exhausted him and he was still able to feel a certain stiffness in his left wrist whenever he moved it and a sharp pain in his hip when he moved on his chair.</p><p>Again a shudder ran down his spine as a cold gust of wind passed through the room. With a grunt he lifted himself up and made his way to the window to finally shut it. He stretched and for a moment he held his lower back that he fell on earlier today. He didn’t hear the nearly soundless steps at the open door to his and Byakuyas office.</p><p>He barely even reached the window when he flinched as a deep voice called out: "Abarai. Still here?"</p><p>In a hurry he spun around. His captain stood in the dark corridor, still dressed in his captains suit, his haori shining spookily white in the dark.</p><p>"Ahem. Yeah." he answered, taken by surprise, while his gaze wandered significantly towards his desk. He bowed quickly before standing at attention, his hands clasped behind his back.</p><p>A disapproving look moved across the pile of unfinished work on the desk of his lieutenant.</p><p>With forceful but elegant steps the older one walked into the room before closing the door behind him with a quiet thud.</p><p>Renji studied his superior warily. Not only should Kuchiki-taichou be at home in his bed at this time of day instead of wandering the sixths divisions corridors, the look he threw at him a moment earlier just scared the shit out of him.</p><p>A single drop of sweat ran down Byakuyas temple but his breath was calm.</p><p>"Take off your clothes Abarai." Renji blinked, unmoving. He was sure that he misunderstood.</p><p>His superior lifted an eyebrow. "Didn’t you hear me? I told you to take off your clothes."</p><p>"Taichou…" the younger one began gingerly, not sure how to react now that he realized that he didn’t misunderstood the Kuchiki after all.</p><p>Byakuya just lifted his eyebrow again and the way he shifted his weight Renji knew that his captain became impatient. Gingerly he loosened the white obi that kept his kosode on the spot.</p><p>He felt the black fabric slip and uncover part of his chest.</p><p>He paused and tried to read something, anything, in Byakuyas unmoving face. Byakuyas gaze hasn’t even once moved away from his face.</p><p>Quickly he let his gaze wander down again and stripped out of both kosode and shitagi.</p><p>Goosebumps spread across his naked upper body as another gust of wind blew through the still open window.</p><p>He felt his cheeks burn as he stepped out of his hakama.</p><p>He stood there naked, gaze on the floor and directed at the waraji of the sixth captain, Hands clasped behind his back again even though he badly wanted to hide his private parts behind them. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest.</p><p>The thought occurred to him that this wasn’t Byakuya but someone else (even though he doubted that there was <em>someone</em> <em>somewhere</em> who was able to imitate the captain like that) or that he fell asleep on his work (he pinched himself hard and no, he was very much awake).</p><p>Even though his hands were shaking slightly he didn’t move an inch when Byakuya walked around him in slow steps, close enough for him to feel the breeze of his movements but far away enough for him to be actually touched.</p><p>He felt Byakuyas cold stare on the tattoos on his back and he shuddered involuntarily.</p><p>A cool hand lied down onto his ass and he felt how one of his cheeks was pulled apart. A sharp breath left his lungs - he hasn’t expected that - but he still didn’t move, just jabbed his short fingernails deeper into his wrist.</p><p>"Are you untouched?" Byakuya asked without much interest in his voice. "W-What?" he croaked while Byakuya walked back into his field of vision.</p><p>Renji forgot about his shame. Instead he looked the older one straight into his face, frightened.</p><p>"Did you have sexual intercourse with anyone before?" Byakuya asked again but all he got for an answer was the shake of his lieutenants head while his gaze went back to the floor, a deep scowl on his face. He really didn’t like the course of this conversation.</p><p>Byakuya just nodded, then he left Renji standing where he was and walked over to his lieutenants desk to put the pile of paper onto a free spot on the floor, cleaned off his brush and the little ink barrel before he turned towards Renji again who didn’t move an inch in the meantime.</p><p>Thoughts were running through his head while he looked for a way out of this misery but everything happened so fast.</p><p>"Get over there, Abarai." Renji could feel his stiff feet moving as he made his way to the desk. "Bend over the table."</p><p>'Stop it!' he screamed at his body but that obeyed without any contradict. His fingers clawed at the edge of his desk while he stared at the wood right in front of his face.</p><p>Byakuyas hands spread his thighs so that ne now stood in a weirdly widened stance, halfway laying on his table.</p><p>Hands laid down on his ass cheeks and pulled them apart. Again a shudder ran down his back when he felt Byakuyas eyes on his entrance.</p><p>He felt his breathe become unsteady and in opposition to his mental state his cock started to gain in size.</p><p>Renji just started to ask himself if Byakuya drugged him up or something (like when exactly?) as a movement in the corner of his eye made him turn his head.</p><p>From the inside of his haori Byakuya pulled out a small vial, shut with a cork. The captain opened it and stuck the fingers of his right hand into the opening.</p><p>As he pulled them back again they were covered in a white, greasy paste. Renji still wasn’t moving when Byakuya put the vial onto the desk and used his free hand to spread Renjis ass cheeks again.</p><p>The redhead bit his tongue as a finger wormed his way inside of him and his grip tightened on the edge of his desk until his knuckles turned white.</p><p>The finger left him again and just moments later another one pushed into him instead, still covered in the white paste.</p><p>A groan escaped his clenched teeth but Byakuya had already pulled out his finger again before sticking them both back into the vial. Again a finger was pushed into him and moved back a few inches before both pointer and middle finger disappeared into his body.</p><p>Again he bit his tongue until he tasted blood. It didn’t hurt but he felt bad, too full, too much.</p><p>His body seemed to think differently because he felt his erection leave wet trails of pre-cum on both his body and the desk below.</p><p>The fingers left him again and Byakuya took some more paste out of his vial before pressing them into him again like he wanted to fill him with the greasy content.</p><p>The dark haired one spread his fingers until Renji could feel them scrap against his sensitive inner walls uncomfortably, then Byakuyas thumb moved across his widened entrance and he felt it twitch under that touch.</p><p>He gave up biting his tongue. His breath left him loud and ragged and a thin trail of blood ran down the corner of his mouth. His body was covered in goose bumps from both the cold wind and Byakuyas touches.</p><p>As the older one grabbed the vial again Renji gifted him with a strained gaze. Byakuya moved aside his hakama in a complicated looking way and took out his dick. It was rather small, but long and curved, the skin just as bright as the rest of his body (or at least as bright as his face and his hands because that was about all that Renji has ever seen from the captain), the wet glans in a soft pink hue.</p><p>Renjis head sank back onto the table, his eyebrows drawn together. Out of the corner of his eyes he watched how Byakuya took more of the paste and covered his erection with it.</p><p>The warm tip pressed against his entrance and out of his open mouth flew a groan as Byakuya pushed into him, slow but steadily. The movement left him breathless. For a moment Byakuya paused (probably due to the reason that the muscles inside of Renjis ass clamped down hard onto the others cock).</p><p>A hand was laying on his lower back, pretty much right there where a bruise has formed from his former fall the other hand lifted Renjis left leg and put it down onto the desk.</p><p>"Ngh." the younger one groaned as his superiors dick moved deeper into him.</p><p>His tight grip wasn’t that tight anymore. His fingers were shaking, his eyes closed. It felt so wrong. So right. No, so wrong.</p><p>That’s when Byakuya became impatient again and started to move, little thrusts in the beginning, not too much more than the circling of his hips, then he pulled back further to ram into him harder and Renjis "Ngh"s became "Haah!"s and then barely restrained screams of pleasure as Byakuya rammed his cock straight into Renjis prostate.</p><p>It was only thanks to Byakuyas hands on his hips that he didn’t fell off the table because his own hands were unable to find any footing.</p><p>Without even one touch the bigger one came across the table with a scream. Even though his muscles held the dick of the dark haired one in a tight grip, said man still continued to push into him as if nothing had happened at all, didn’t react to Renjis moans being more pained than aroused anymore since he was way too sensitive to any touch at all right now.</p><p>It took five more minutes until Byakuyas hips took up a faster rhythm. Five minutes during which Renji thought that he might go crazy with the sensory overload he was put through. Then all of a sudden Byakuya ejaculated inside of the younger one with a growl.</p><p>Renjis body, tense since a few minutes now, fell back onto the top of his desk as Byakuya pulled out of him.</p><p>"Don’t forget to clean up before you leave." the emotionless voice behind him called before the steps of the Kuchiki faded away.</p><p>Renji opened his eyes, exhausted, looking after Byakuya. With tears of shame in the corner of his eyes he pulled himself up on shaky arms.</p><p>He rubbed his cold, goosebumb-covered arms and felt disgusted at how cum dripped out of his ass and ran across the insides of his thighs.</p><p>His legs were shaking just as badly as his arms and so he leaned against the table and waited a minute and then another one until his body calmed down a bit.</p><p>With slow movements, a hurting ass and the urge to throw up he looked for the cleaning utensils situated in a detached corner of the room, took a cloth and started to clean himself and his desk after he - finally - closed the window. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Present Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I grunt, still half asleep when Renji moves next to me before sitting up abruptly.</p><p>"Whatsgoingon?" I slur and I grab for my life pillow but Renji still sits there unmoving.</p><p>I blink and sit up as well. My gaze wanders to the digital alarm clock next to his bed. Six forty-seven am.</p><p>Way too early.</p><p>It’s only then that my gaze falls onto my best (boy-) friend. He is incredibly pale, both his face and his naked upper body drenched in sweat and he rubs his temples right now where a few red strands of hair cling to his face.</p><p>"Renji?" I ask him carefully but my words don’t reach him. "Hey." I call out for him again and put my hands between his shoulder blades. He flinches and looks at me - finally.</p><p>I nearly move backwards, startled because his dark eyes seem to burn and it seems like he’s staring right through me.</p><p>Out of a reflex I hit him over the head and he blinks, surprised, his breath still too fast but his gaze not as cloudy anymore.</p><p>His hands shake as he moves his fingers through his long hair.</p><p>"Are you okay?" I ask him, still drunken with sleep and Renji stays silent for another moment as if he needs to think that over.</p><p>Then he throws one of those awfully serious looks at me and says: "I want to fuck you."</p><p>I swallow. Renji is quite a blunt talker - but rarely ever <em>that</em> blunt. Before I can even answer him Renji crawls over me and pushes me back into the covers. "Now." he says - <em>orders</em> - with a dark voice. "Okay." I answer him, my own voice quiet and husky.</p><p>I just saw him once in that state of mind and when the sex turns out like the last time I’m afraid of my  capability to walk.</p><p>Renji already threw me back onto the bed with all of his strength before I gave him my consent. He moves aside the blanket with his strong legs and pulls down my underwear, the only thing I’m wearing right now.</p><p>Quick-witted I grab for the lube standing on the nightstand. We just used it some hours ago (how many tubes did we use up to now? Three? Four?) and squeeze a considerable amount onto my fingers, push two of them into me and widen them like a scissors.</p><p>I'm still too tired to feel aroused that much but my dick twitches anyways and I pull my fingers out again because Renji has pulled down his boxers as well by now.</p><p>His cock stands at attention but this time I don’t have the time to admire the curve of his manhood or the pre-cum gathering on the tip.</p><p>Quickly I squeeze some lube onto his glans and let my hand run up and down a few times, then Renji pushes my hand aside with an animalistic growl and bends over me, presses my knees against my chest and pushes into me with one swift thrust.</p><p>My head falls back with a scream but that’s about the only sound I make.</p><p>Renji seems to follow the goal to ram his penis straight through my body until it comes out of my mouth again and since every single thrust hits my point of lust straight away (I do now in the meantime that said point is actually the prostate), air fails to arrive in my lungs.</p><p>I try to pull in a desperate breath but my body simply doesn’t want to.</p><p>His thrusts hurt and even though it feels like I’m getting impaled on a stake, even though tears run down my cheeks and even though I don’t get any air my dick rubs against my stomach - hard as a rock - and my stomach seems to drown in emerging cum after only a short while.</p><p>I try to call Renjis name, to alert him of my misery but nothing but a hoarse croak comes out of my throat.</p><p>The bed underneath us moves with the power of his thrusts and I move as well - in the beginning that is - because my head hits against the headboard soon enough and I have to wrap my hands around the iron bars and brace myself against it with all of my strength, otherwise I would probably end up bashing in my head on them.</p><p>I try to grab for Renjis shoulder but I’m unable to catch it and when my head bumps into one of the bars again I give up and grab the bars tighter. The muscles in my arms scream and shake from the exertion, I’m still unable to breathe and I can hear Renji growl and pant with every thrust through the fog in my mind.</p><p>For a moment the world goes out of focus, then I feel like a black haze fell over everything.</p><p>There’s a ringing in my ears and colorful stars dance through the room, even as I close my eyes. Again I try to gasp for air without success but just when I think that I’ll become unconscious I feel Renji cum inside of me - without a sound (or so I think since I’m not sure if I could trust my senses right now).</p><p>Now that I’m not getting fucked into the afterlife I can finally, <em>finally</em>, feel air flow back into my lungs and this feeling is so incredible that I can’t stop myself from sobbing while I untie my cramped fingers from the iron bars.</p><p>I can hear Renjis sharp intakes of breath now and his penis slides out of me, together with a rivulet of his cum.</p><p>All the air flowing through my body makes me dizzy and even though the stars are still right there in front of my half lidded eyes I slither away from my friend and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.</p><p>I don’t know where I’m going (escaping) to but I get up, sway audibly and - I don’t know if it’s due to the dizziness or the dull pain in my ass - I fall onto one knee in the next moment, try to support myself with my hands but said movement doesn’t work as usual and the next thing I remember is me falling to the floor face first and longitudinally and with a dull thud.</p><p>I stay motionless for a moment. I can feel (and hear) my breath rattle and I also realize that tears stream down my cheeks.</p><p>My whole body seems to shiver and even though I <em>want</em> to move my brain doesn’t send the needed signals to my limbs.</p><p>That whole scenario couldn’t have taken longer than a few seconds but it feels like an eternity until Renji kneels beside me.</p><p>He pulls me up and the next thing I feel is his warm chest against my back as he pulls me against him.</p><p>I feel him shake - probably due to the fright that I fell over onto the ground. Or due to the fact of how unrestrained, animalistic and wild (and brutal) he was.</p><p>"Ichigo." he whispers, shocked and I feel how he moves me around in his arms and then his hand on my cheek. The urge is there but I don’t have the power to open my eyes.</p><p>"Water." I croak and I’m not sure if he even heard me at all but he just whispers "Right away." before picking me up bridal style and carrying me to the bed.</p><p>Then I hear his quick steps, followed by a dull thud and suppressed swearing (I bet he bumped his toe again. That happens about twice a week and always at the same closet).</p><p>Somewhere in the distance I can hear the swoosh of the water tap and then he is back already, lifts my head up gently before holding a glass to my lips.</p><p>I’m a bit frightened by the fact that I can’t really swallow it down and half of it runs out of my mouth and down my chin again.</p><p>I can hear Renji put the glass aside before he wipes that water from my chin gently (but also shakily and hastily) before patting my cheeks. "Ichigo!" he calls at me, louder this time and I open my eyes with quite some effort. "I’m okay." I answer awfully slowly and Renji grabs my legs and drapes them over his left shoulder so that my blood can flow back into my head. I have to ask him one time or another from where he knows that medically correct treatment. His hand grabs mine and holds it tightly. It feels like he wants to break my fingers.</p><p>My eyes close again but the dizziness fades more and more, also the urge to puke that I felt in the last few minutes. Even my shaking stops slowly.</p><p>I feel a thin rivulet of spit run out of my mouth and down towards my ear and I lift my free hand to wipe it away but Renji’s faster. He even lets go of my other hand.</p><p>Gingerly I open my eyes again, calmed down by the fact that the world isn’t spinning anymore and that the black haze disappeared.</p><p>My gaze stays on Renji, Renji who still seems shocked, who’s wide-eyed and white as a canvas.</p><p>"Ichigo." he whispers again and starts to stroke my cheek gently with his thumb.</p><p>"Please forgive me." I wrap my fingers around his and hold them (more gently than he did before). "It’s okay." I answer him (and realize that my voice sounds stronger already, even though it's still raw and hoarse).</p><p>Clumsily I grab a handful of his long, open hair and pull him down to me. (He had to let go of my legs during that movement but I don’t feel like I’m going to fade anymore.)</p><p>I press our lips together and this kiss has got more feeling in it that I ever felt before, even though it’s only a short one. I guess he’s afraid that I’ll pass out again.</p><p>"I love you." I whisper and Renjis eyes widen impossibly much. I have to think about it for a while longer why he seems so surprised by my words, then I remember: I <em>thought</em> those words a lot over the last month - but I never actually <em>said</em> them.</p><p>"And I love you." he answers me in the same quiet, emotional tone as I did earlier. "I love you so much!"</p><p>He presses his face against mine and runs his fingers through my hair. "Forgive me." he whispers again and now I’m the one running my fingers through his hair. "Nothing happened." I calm him down and before a snorting Renji can come up with any contradict I add: "It was just a bit much." "More like <em>way</em> too much." he answers bitterly.</p><p>I swallow imperceptibly. It’s hard to tear Renji out of his self-reproaches, I already realized that in all the time I knew him. "Could I have the water again?" I ask and try to change the topic of our conversation (and I actually am thirsty).</p><p>He’s sitting up in lightning speed and grabs for the glass (so hastily that he spills a bit, even though he doesn’t seem to care).</p><p>In the next moment he lifts my head gently and as he lets me drink it works just fine. "Thank you." I tell him in an honest voice as he put the glass aside again.</p><p>"Don’t mention it."</p><p>He lies down next to me and pulls my back against his chest. It’s not like I’m ever going to admit that but this sleeping position turned out to be my favorite.</p><p>I can feel his limp dick against my lower back and realize that I haven't cum. Well, not consciously anyways. No orgasm I ever had felt like that. It was like my sperm just continued to flow out of me and my dick is soft again.</p><p>A part of me wants to leave the topic be but my curiosity wins. "What did you dream about?" I ask into the silence of the room and feel the arm thrown around my chest grow tense and his hand ball into a fist.</p><p>I can her him swallow behind me.</p><p>The last time that he lost his composure like that he didn’t answer my question. Well, the last time felt like a walk through Karakura compared to this one and it’s probably his guilty conscience and the feeling that he owes me something that makes him answer.</p><p>"Byakuya. My first time." he answers through clenched teeth and I nestle closer towards him. He barely ever talks about his relationship with Byakuya and when he does, he does so reluctantly and he pulls him to pieces.</p><p>"How was your first time?" I take the opportunity to ask. "…" Renji stays silent for a long minute.</p><p>"Short." he answers me stiffly and at the same time rather matter-of-factly as if he would talk about someone else. "Intense. Wrong somehow."</p><p>I swallow as Renji presses his face into my neck. "It was in the bureau. Across my desk. He left after he came. <em>Don’t forget to clean up before you leave</em> he told me."</p><p>Circuitously I turn around in his arms and take his face into my hands. "You don’t ever have to have sex with him again." I explain to him with a firm voice. "<em>You shouldn’t have sex if you feel forced to have it.</em> Remember? <em>Your</em> words." He nods, his face still between my palms. He laughs dull, not too much more than a snort and the shaking of his chest. "I’m such an idiot." he murmurs and I nod. "You sure are."</p><p>Then we both stay silent for a moment.</p><p>"Promise me one thing." he asks me after a little while after I leaned my head against his chest with closed eyes and listened to his heartbeat. "Hm?" I ask without moving. "Promise me that… if I ever am like <em>this</em> again… Knock me out, chain me up and leave the room until I calmed down."</p><p>That’s when I lift my gaze. "No." I answer him calmly and have to smile when Renjis eyebrows knit together with a frustrated sigh. "I don’t leave you alone when you need me. Forget about it."</p><p>He snorts. "Idiot. Do you ever think about yourself?" I shrug. "Sometimes." "Not often enough!" he answers harshly and with a glint in his eyes that doesn’t look amused.</p><p>I grab his hand and move it across my spunk-covered stomach. "I liked it." I tell him and show him his hand. "I really did! I was just unable to breathe and I was unable to tell you so. That’s how easy it is. I probably won’t be walking straight tomorrow but it was-" (I can feel the heat rise in my cheeks) "-hot."</p><p>Renji looks at me, thinking, as if he tries to catch me lying or something. Well - he won’t. I didn’t lie. He bends over to kiss me and presses me closer towards him while I run my fingers over his well known tattoos blindly (what makes him shudder).</p><p>"I love you." he whispers against my lips and then: "Why didn’t I ever say it? Those words have been in my head long enough." "Because we are fucking idiots from time to time - both of us." I grin and he nods with a giggle.</p><p>"And… you really liked it?" I sigh. "And if you ask me ten times more, the answer stays the same, idiot."</p><p>I lift my head to look over Renjis body and catch a glimpse at the alarm clock next to the bed. Seven thirty-five am. Still too early to get up.</p><p>"Lets sleep some more." Renji nods his agreement but grabs for the cell phone next to his bed to check if a new Hollow appeared.</p><p>I throw it a curious look as well but no new contract needs his attention and my friend puts the phone down again.</p><p>I turn my back towards him and press myself against him. He understands and snuggles closer to me, one arm draped over my hip.</p><p>All of a sudden his face rises again. "You’re still cumert." he says (his way of saying that I’ll still cum-covert) but I press him back into the sheets. "I don’t care." "If you say so." he grumbles after a short hesitation and pulls the blanket over both of us. I guess I left a trail of cum on my way into nowhere and I can feel it cling to my thighs but I couldn’t care less right now.</p><p>I’m still wide awake even though I’m actually tired. Renjis breath tells me that he isn’t sleeping either.</p><p>It was about one week after our <em>real</em> first time when Renji stood in the door frame and told me that he had to show me something. Urgently. I just came back from school and I actually didn’t really wanted to leave again. My head was full of other things the day before so I had to do homework from two days now but I went out with him anyways.</p><p>Dad overreacted about me leaving at this time of day ("And with a stranger too. Is that one of your friends?") but he wasn’t able to stop me.</p><p>We went into a corner of Karakura that I didn’t knew so well since I only ever was there when I was hunting a Hollow. "What do we want here?" I ask him (and I also ask myself if I’ll get pushed into a corner and robbed or raped in the next moment) but Renji just smirked mysteriously and led me further down the street with the words "Not too far anymore."</p><p>And indeed, two streets further we are where he wanted to bring me. In front of a house. Just like every other in this street. "What do we want here?" I ask him and still don’t understand anything.</p><p>It became kinda cold and dark during our walk and I had my hands in my pockets while Renji pulls a key out of his pocket and opens the door.</p><p>He leads me up the stairs onto the second floor and opens another door.</p><p>"May I introduce?" he led me in. "Mine."</p><p>I just blinked before getting inside carefully. "What do you mean, <em>yours</em>?" It’s not much. A short hallway, on the right hand side a bath room, left hand side the kitchen and straight across a living-sleeping room, about as big as both my room and Renjis at Uraharas place.</p><p>"Well, we can’t always get to your place - or worse, Uraharas - if we want to kill some hours together so I thought I get me something of my own." After a short hesitance he adds: "How do you like it?" I had blinked for a moment or two. "Well… I haven’t even been looking around yet."</p><p>Absently I pulled my shoes from my feet and looked around. The little bath room doesn’t have a window and it’s not fully equipped yet but clean. The just as small kitchen that’s already overfilled with the fridge, the sink, the stove and a small sideboard underneath some wall cupboards. It doesn’t even have space for a table.</p><p>Then I went into his room, the one with the most mess yet. Clothes inside and on opened cardboard boxes, a handful of books piled on the little table in the far end corner because he hasn’t found a better place for them yet.</p><p>A wardrobe in the other corner, its door open and nothing in it yet. At the wall I recognize the shoulder bag that he visited me with two weeks ago and I asked myself then and there how he managed to get the laptop from Urahara.</p><p>On the other wall, right next to the big window stands a bed, bigger than mine even, big enough for both of us to fit in comfortably.</p><p>"It’s small." I note in lack of better words. "I know, forgive me." I turn back towards Renji whose cheeks became red all of a sudden. "I like it." That seems to surprise him. A smile finds its way onto my lips and Renji shakes his head, amused.</p><p>I had walked another round through his apartment, then Renji thought that he should take me back before my Dad goes crazy but since we made up a meeting (slash date) for the next day I was fine with it.</p><p>Since then I’m here a lot. Renji hasn’t been in the Soul Society since forever and I already have some of my stuff here, a bunch of clothes, a second toothbrush, that kinda things.</p><p>It’s impossible to tell how often we had sex up to that point since we do it about every day or sometimes several times a day. Dad finally seems to calm down about the fact that I’m not home at seven pm anymore and not at all anymore at weekends.</p><p>I bet he thinks that I (<em>"finally"</em>) found a girl and he can’t wait for me to introduce him to her.</p><p>…</p><p>Well, not gonna happen.</p><p>Since I know our condom sizes by now Renji and I buy them by turns (but never in the little shop I bought them the first time). We rarely ever sleep without one but I get the appeal of it after I was allowed to take Renji without one once.</p><p>It feels so much more intense.</p><p>At last I become sleepy and Renjis breath deepens as well.</p><p>That’s how this Sunday goes by. It’s the beginning of July. About two more weeks until my birthday.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Seireitei, eight months ago</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a bright sunny day and too hot, way too hot. Renji was in a bad mood, dehydrated and ready to fall into his bed without moving for the next twenty-four hours.</p><p>'Just get Byakuya the report from the fifth division and I’m done for today.' he thought, relieved. The last mission had taken all of the last day and the following night.</p><p>One could think that a lieutenant was allowed to slender and let the others do the work, but far from it. Well, Byakuya may be allowed to do exactly that. He barely ever was sent onto missions. He himself had to go ever more often. Just like the sixth division would contain nothing but good-for-nothings, idiots and cowards and like he had to compensate for it.</p><p>With a dark expression on his face and most of his thoughts (and his body) inside of his bed he steps inside of the office that he shares with the Kuchiki.</p><p>His captain was sitting at his own desk, reading a report, most likely one of Renjis owns.</p><p>For a moment he thought that Byakuya would ignore him like he did it often enough but all of a sudden the dark haired one gazed up and starred at Renji with his grey eyes.</p><p>"Has nobody ever taught you to knock before entering a room?"</p><p>Renji scowled, stopping dead in his track halfway to Byakuyas desk. "That’s <em>my</em> office as well, Byakuya." he answered, angry and confused at the same time. His taichou has never wanted him to knock since he got moved to the sixth division. Aizen had wished him to do so but never Byakuya.</p><p>The air inside of the room seemed to freeze despite the heat outside and a cold shiver ran across his back. For a moment the air hurt inside of his lungs. He admits, he never got it that far as to talk to Byakuya without the respective name suffix and only his first name and he will remember double and thrice to never do it again - for now he just wanted to get out asap.</p><p>"For me?" the captain asked, pointing at the report inside of Renjis clenched fist and the younger one nodded without a word. With the flick of the others wrist he was ordered towards the desk and he gave the file to the other one, bowed hastily and turned around to leave.</p><p>"Abarai."</p><p>The others voice left him frozen to the spot. Both hands clenched to fists next to him a shiver wrecked his body.</p><p>"Turn around when I’m talking to you." the cold voice rose again. "Yes, Taichou." the younger murmured and turned around, hands clasped behind his back and his gaze at his own feet.</p><p>"Kneel." "T-Taichou?" His head flinched upwards. Byakuya had bedded him so often up to now he wasn’t able to count it on his two hands anymore but he never asked something like this of him.</p><p>His intense gaze told him more than his words could. 'Don’t make me repeat myself.'</p><p>He sank down onto his knees right on the spot and with a soft thud.</p><p>"Kosode." A single word but Renji understood right away and slipped out of his uniforms sleeves. The black fabric hung heavily around his hips.</p><p>"Hakama."</p><p>Circuitously he climbed out of his clothes without moving too much until he was kneeling in only his shoes in front of the other man, his clothes put aside neatly.</p><p>It’s only then that Byakuya took his gaze off of him and got back to the report that Renji brought him. Renji stared at his hands laying on his thighs in the meantime.</p><p>Time was standing still and even though he counted seiza as one of the more comfortable ways to sit he felt the hard wooden floor dig into his knees and his calves became numb. Even his back seemed to hurt, he sat upright so straight and the heels of his waraji pressed into his backside.</p><p>Again and again he gazed up at his captain but the Kuchiki ignored him deliberately, even when Renjis breath became audibly louder and he had to bite his bottom lip to stop himself from groaning.</p><p>He didn’t dare move and soon enough his legs began to tremble and his chin nearly sank down onto his chest.</p><p>Sweat ran down his body, dripped from his nose onto his chest and moved across his nipples that hardened due to the contact.</p><p>Full of shame he realized that his manhood started to win in seize and stiffness but he didn’t dare move his hands in front of his crotch out of fear that Byakuya might look up and see the state he was in.</p><p>He bit his lip. No, Byakuya didn’t even had to look up. Renjis quick breath betrayed him anyways.</p><p>He felt himself flinch when his stiff posture crumbled and it wouldn’t have needed too much more and he would have ended up taking a fetal position.</p><p>"Byakuya-sama." he whispered with a hoarse voice even though he never had been permitted to speak (but did Byakuya ever <em>forbid</em> him to speak? He honestly wasn’t able to remember).</p><p>"What is it, Abarai?" the other asked, uninterested and without looking up. Renji stayed silent for another moment. He didn’t remember what to say anymore.</p><p>He flinched like he was cut with a sword as Byakuya stared into his eyes now. "You’re a boy demanding for attention, Abarai. You talk when not spoken to and stay silent when I lend you my ear. I’ve got enough of your bad behavior. Come here!"</p><p>He pointed underneath the desk and even though Renji wanted to move backwards badly, he followed the order due to the reason that he was happy about the fact that he was <em>allowed</em> to move again and because of his guilty conscience. (Why? Why did he have a guilty conscience? He was but a street dog from one of the lowest districts in Rukongai. Nobody ever teached him how to behave. Byakuya shouldn’t ask so much of him! Also: Why the hell did he call him <em>boy</em>?! He wasn’t <em>that</em> much younger than Byakuya.)</p><p>His knees were shaking and his calves were hurting so badly as that he would’ve been able to stand up. Apart from that he would’ve needed to kneel right away again so he just crawled the few steps underneath Byakuyas desk. (He wasn’t thinking about the way that must’ve looked.)</p><p>He was big and he nearly hit his head on the underside of the table. Even though his legs were screeching he got himself back into seiza.</p><p>With a few quick movements Byakuya freed his dick. It was soft, not aroused in the slightest.</p><p>Renji didn’t know what he was supposed to do but he felt his cheeks heating up. He has never been that close to the others dick - at least not with this side of his body.</p><p>"Take my penis into your mouth." the dark haired one told him with a calm voice and the rustle of papers was to be heard. He was still reading the files. Something about that fact made Renji angry but he knew better than to let Byakuya say his order again.</p><p>Gingerly he lifted his hands and reached for the soft cock - in the next moment crossed fingers pointed at him and a bellowed "Sai." could be heard while his hands were pulled back and crossed behind his back abruptly with the power of the others kidou.</p><p>A scream pushed past his lips and for a moment he tried to fight the bonds in the force of habit before he crumbled a bit.</p><p>"<em>Don’t</em> touch me." Byakuya explained sharply and Renji looked up at him, both frustrated and discouraged.</p><p>"Continue."</p><p>Renji was very bad with kidou. Everybody knew that. But even <em>he</em> was able to get higher techniques done than the Sai. The fact that Byakuya used it to bind him, with the easiest, most low technique possible was awfully humiliating. Also if he would try hard enough he would probably be able to get out of this kidou but he didn’t dare.</p><p>Now bound there was nothing else for him to do but to bend forward with his whole body until his lips touched the still soft cock of his captain.</p><p>Gingerly he opened his mouth and closed his lips around the glans. No foreskin, he realized. Maybe that was a nobility-thing?</p><p>Renji scowled. Even his glans seemed to be cool - but maybe he himself was too hot. It tasted… weird. Like the perfumes and oils be probably bathed in.</p><p>A bit like cherry blossoms even.</p><p>He bent forward some more to take him deeper into his mouth. Carefully he began to do what he thought might feel good, swiped his tongue across the others tip and moved his head up and down.</p><p>The noises that emerged left his ears burning in shame because it sounded just the same as when Byakuya was fucking him, like his body was taking him in.</p><p>A moan left him and finally the others cock seemed to react to his ministrations.</p><p>He had to admit that it had felt better before he grew hard. Now his dick was larger and he had to be careful not to grace anything with his teeth.</p><p>There was no sound to be heard from the older one, no moan, no sigh - nothing. Renji was just the more louder instead.</p><p>He was surprised when Byakuya put a head onto his head. What happened to 'Don’t touch me'? He understood when he was pushed downwards all of a sudden and Byakuyas dick moved uncomfortably deep into the cave of his mouth.</p><p>Renji had to choke and tried to catch some air what only made him imitate swallow-movements around the ever growing erection of the other shinigami.</p><p>Still his captain has stayed silent but now something happened that made Renjis blood freeze inside of his veins and that Byakuya must’ve heard before him. A knock on the door.</p><p>He tried to pull back with a muffled scream but Byakuyas hand left him with no place to go.</p><p>"Come in." the Kuchiki said with unchanged voice and Renji started to fight the kidou binding him. A dull moan escaped him and the door opened with a quiet screech while Byakuya used his hand to push him deeper onto his cock.</p><p>The red-haired one was shaking all over and he didn’t see but he <em>felt</em> the gaze of the one stepping into the room on his naked body.</p><p>His cheeks were burning in shame and if Byakuya wouldn’t have pulled him down like that he would have sobbed. As it was now he had to concentrate to breathe through his nose and don’t choke on his superiors erection.</p><p>"Kuchiki-taichou." a known voice arose behind him. Sukebe Kotsu, sixth seat of this division. Why couldn’t it have been somebody from another division? Somebody he didn’t knew? Kotsu and he had been together in the academy and sometimes they met for a sake.</p><p>He felt tears drip down his cheeks, his eyes screwed shut after the motto: <em>What I can’t see won’t see me either.</em></p><p>Kotsu <em>had</em> to see him, there was no other way, but the others step never slowed, his voice never faltered as he moved closer to the table to give Byakuya the papers he had.</p><p>"Thank you. You may leave." Byakuya dismissed the other man without taking his hand from Renjis head.</p><p>"Of course, Taichou."</p><p>The door closed again but he still felt Kotsus gaze on his muscular back and his exposed ass.</p><p>The panic had left the others dick deep inside of him (he was surprised by the fact that he didn’t bite him accidently) and as Byakuya pushed him away a little bit he wrenched himself from the others hand and let his dick slide out of his mouth before he started to cough violently, interrupted by sobs that he wasn’t able to suppress anymore.</p><p>All of a sudden he felt exhausted and leaned his head against the fabric clad leg of his Taichou. To him it seemed like Byakuya took a second too long to grip his hair and pull him up towards his crotch again.</p><p>"You’re not done yet." he explained, uninterested and looked through the new report.</p><p>With a wildly beating heart Renji got back to the task to get the Kuchikis erection back into his mouth, forced himself to suppress his sobs and used his tongue to play with the others glans instead that held a few drops of pre-cum.</p><p>Lately he had problems with cuming in time and Byakuya had left before Renji had come to orgasm.</p><p>His body has been too tired and too hurt and his thoughts at other things.</p><p>That’s why he was just the more surprised that his dick hadn’t lost its size despite the humiliation, the pain in his knees and his exhaustion.</p><p>The opposite actually, after the first shock he tried to move closer to Byakuya, hoping to rub his leaking erection against something, <em>anything</em>, since he wasn’t able to use his own hands.</p><p>Even his attempts at making it good for his superior became more lively, nearly passionate.</p><p>It helped that Byakuya didn’t force him to take it all in till his throat anymore.</p><p>The movement of Byakuyas foot was so subtle that it could’ve been coincidence but Renji felt the bottom of the others shoe against his dick.</p><p>The waraji was hard and possibly dirty but Renji was far beyond caring. With new vigor he moved his lips across the sensitive glans and started to suck on it while his hips thrusted against Byakuya, the tip of his own penis hitting the braided sole of the others waraji every single time.</p><p>Byakuya was growing closer to orgasm Renji realized. The hand lying on his head loosely forced him deeper all of a sudden and he felt the others cock in his throat. The captains hips arched against him shortly (while the muscles in Renjis mouth flinched), Byakuya grunted and then Renjis mouth was flooded with sperm.</p><p>"Swallow." Byakuya ordered without letting go off his lieutenants head and Renji tried to follow the order, out of the reason alone to get rid of the bitter taste and also because he didn’t feel like choking to death on another mans cum.</p><p>All of a sudden he started to cough around the others dick and finally the dark haired one had pity on him and released his head.</p><p>With a disgusted expression on his face the younger one coughed for a few moments longer, spreading the remaining cum in his mouth on his own body and Byakuyas hakama.</p><p>The captains eyes narrowed. "Clean that up, Abarai." he ordered in the next moment and Renji, whose eyes were watering due to the coughing and who had snot running out of his nose blinked up at the older man before he got to the task at hand, resigned.</p><p>The cum plus the heavy fabric made a taste that wasn’t much better than the cum alone, but at least it was less bitter.</p><p>Finally, after he finished his work, Renji moved backwards a bit, hit his head against the underside of the table underneath he was kneeling and lowered his gaze.</p><p>"Kai." the captain released the kidou that kept Renjis arms bound on his back. They fell down both sides of his body, kept in the same position too long and too tense as if he was able to control them too much.</p><p>"You are allowed to pleasure yourself." Byakuya allowed him generously and Renji lifted his gaze, surprised. The other man had leaned back in his chair, his cock covered neatly again and his hands folded in his lap.</p><p>"T-Taichou." he murmured, his voice raw and close to breaking. He didn’t take his look from the other man, tried to read something in his face, if he aroused him in any way or if he <em>liked</em> what he saw as he moved a shaking hand to his heavy erection. He let his fingertips run up and down lightly, a movement that made him shiver and moan throatily before he closed his hand around his hard cock and moved it up and down with pressure.</p><p>Even though he was still on his knees his hips jerked into thrusting motions, with the other hand he supported himself heavily on the ground next to him and he wasn’t able to keep his eyes open for much longer.</p><p>An euphony of pleasured sounds escaped his open mouth and when he came to orgasm, spreading his cum across his chest, he moaned a heavy "Byakuya!"</p><p>His brain was still fuzzy when he remembered his renewed mistake.</p><p>A heartbeat later he had bent forward, his forehead pressed against the floor before Byakuyas feet and the palms of his hands left and right to his head.</p><p>"Forgive me, Byakuya-sama." he squeezed out, his breathing heavy.</p><p>"Hmm." he heard a snort but he didn’t dare lift his head. "You’re learning. Something at least."</p><p>A minute of silence followed and Renji still wasn’t moving but he felt Byakuyas gaze on him.</p><p>"You’re dismissed." the dark haired one explained, voice unimpressed and disinterested like always.</p><p>"Thank you, Taichou." Renji mumbled before he crawled backwards away from the table. He slipped into his clothes as fast as possible, never looking at Byakuya because he became aware of the way he looked: Face covered in cum, sweat and tears and probably the same color as his hair. His body didn’t look much better and both he and his clothes would need a bath. Urgently.</p><p>He clambered up onto his feet and bit his teeth. His body was stiff, especially his legs.</p><p>At the door he hesitated and took a last look back but Byakuya was already sitting leaned over a piece of paper, already halfway covered in letters and with a brush in his hand.</p><p>"Have a nice day, Taichou." he bid his farewell and bowed awkwardly before he left the bureau in a haste, running his hand over his face and fleeing towards his room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Present Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s Wednesday evening and I’m lying in Renjis arms, one of my schoolbooks pressed against my angled leg and learning so that my grades won’t get too bad. Renji had looked at it interested in the beginning. Now he is sleeping.</p><p>Not really motivating but whatever, I read through the next few pages anyways and now I’ve just turned back to the beginning of the chapter to start it over again.</p><p>Next to me Renji grunts in his sleep, turns around halfway so that his leg is tangled with mine and his hard erection presses against my hip.</p><p>His hot, fast breath ghosts across my neck and I put my book away quick-witted and turn towards him.</p><p>Is he dreaming about Byakuya again? Then may Kami have mercy with me. I can still feel an unpleasant push and pull in my ass from last Sunday.</p><p>Gently I run my fingers across his tattooed eyebrows that he pulled together in a scowl and that now builds a similar expression than me.</p><p>I bend forwards and press a kiss to the tip of his nose but it’s only when I press my forehead against his that he opens his eyes.</p><p>In the next moment my own forehead hurts since he rammed his head against mine as he sat up abruptly. I can see the same manic fire in his eyes than a few days before and before he can push me back onto the bed and I end up in danger of loosing consciousness again I pull him back onto the bed with a tug and climb over his hips.</p><p>"Hey it’s okay. I’m right here." I start and put a hand against his cheek. For a moment he puts his above mine and my fingers nearly disappear underneath his.</p><p>I can feel his covered dick very prominently against my ass by the way, that’s why I’m even more surprised when he sits up, pushes me from him until I’m sitting on the bed and takes my hands into his. He says: "Forgive me Ichigo, but I have to get to the Soul Society. Like, right now. I promise you that I’ll be back as fast as possible. Just stay here if you want to, you know where the spare key is."</p><p>With these words he is halfway up and gone, takes my face into his hands and gives me a kiss that feels way too much like goodbye.</p><p>I’m barely able to kiss back before he is finally up and getting dressed into his jacket.</p><p>At the door he throws me an intense gaze that I can’t interpret. "I love you." he tells me in a serious voice and then he is gone and I’m still sitting on his bed and stare at the closed door as if Renji would come back right away, tell me he was only sleepwalking and that he has no idea what he just did right now, I would call him an idiot and hit him over the head.</p><p>But the minutes pass and Renji just won’t come back.</p><p>Why does he have to go back to the Soul Society all of a sudden? The last few days he hasn’t said one word, not <em>one</em>. Did he really dream about Byakuya? Is he going… to him? Why? To tell him his opinion like I told him to do or for… more intimate matters?</p><p>I hit my cheeks. I should stop to think such things. I trust Renji, he wouldn’t do something like that.</p><p>I have to say the words<em> I trust Renji</em> in my head again and again nevertheless, even hours later when I leave Renjis apartment, lock the door and go home.</p><p>Even though I recognized that he left his cell phone on the night table I look at the display of my own.</p><p>No message.</p><p>I go to bed, worried and have problems with falling asleep. In the middle of the night I wake up and sit up in my bed abruptly, still haunted by the dream I just had.</p><p>Renji, sitting in Byakuyas lap, leaned against his chest. Gazing up at his superior with a love blinded look he tells me to go back to the world of the living where I belong when I call for him.</p><p>That’s when I wake up. Renji has told me too much about his <em>relationship</em> to (and with) Byakuya as if I could ever believe that this dream could ever turn into reality but the ugly feeling inside my chest stays.</p><p>Again I take a look at my cell phone but there’s still no message.</p><p> </p><p>A week passes by and I still haven’t heard a word from Renji.</p><p>Nearly as if he was eradicated from this world. Or as if my dream has become reality.</p><p>I ask myself if the Soul Society is in trouble like it happens so often. If that’s why he had to leave so quickly and isn’t back up to now.</p><p>But from where should he have gotten a message? And <em>when</em>? I was with him when he left so suddenly.</p><p>Not for the first time I hate it (and myself too) that I don’t have my shinigami powers anymore. I could have seen and felt what happens around me. I could’ve gone into the Soul Society myself to check.</p><p>The way it is now I walk through the streets anxiously, always considering that I could get bombed into the next wall during an invisible fight between a Hollow and a Shinigami and die because of it.</p><p>I don’t dare go to Urahara or ask Karin if anything strange has occurred lately.</p><p>Dad doesn’t say anything about the fact that I’m at home every single evening now.</p><p>With each day my birthday comes closer and just a month ago I wasn’t too excited about it since I was quite sure that I would’ve been dragged around by Keigo and then there would’ve been a surprise birthday party from the guys of my school and Renji (Renji, who has only been a pal back then).</p><p>This year I had looked forward to see what my birthday would’ve been with Renji by my side. With what he would’ve come up with.</p><p>Now it looks like we’re back to being dragged around with Keigo and then the surprise birthday party (which is not really a surprise anymore) with my friends. Just without Renji.</p><p>On Saturday, July 13th I gave up to hear anything from Renji anytime soon (or ever again) and on Sunday I sit behind my school books as soon as I wake up and learn as focused as I didn't have in a long time. Around afternoon I can hear Yuzu bake a cake for me (I can smell it up to my room) but I’m afraid that I don’t want any cake, not now, not anytime soon.</p><p>I put my pen aside, take my keys and get up and out of the house without knowing what I should do.</p><p>Or where I should go. Involuntarily my feet get me towards Renjis apartment and as soon as I realize it I change my course and walk somewhere else.</p><p>I don’t want to go to Renjis empty place. I feel emotionally confused right now and I’m not quite sure if I would start to cry or to break down his furniture (or both).</p><p>I find myself close to the river soon enough. Nobody can be seen - lucky me, I don’t feel like being in company.</p><p>Slowly I walk down the road next to the river, one mile, another one, lost in thoughts while it becomes darker and colder around me slowly. A cold gust of wind rips me out of my thoughts and I come to the conclusion that I should walk back towards civilization now.</p><p>I turn around, past some kids running home and a few lone cars driving through the small streets.</p><p>Far away I can see a couple, holding hands and giggling, touching each others shoulders and putting their faces together. Maybe they’re on my school but I don’t remember their names (or their faces).</p><p>They pull away into the shadows of an alley but I’m sure that it’s not because they’ve seen me or anything.</p><p>I remember Renjis hands. His kisses.</p><p>My fist shivers as I punch the wall next to me with a silent scream.</p><p>The skin above my knuckles breaks but it doesn’t hurt yet. I just push my hand back into the pocket of my pants and hurry up.</p><p>I just want to get home, into my bed and sleep.</p><p>As I finally enter my house I can hear Yuzus voice from the kitchen.</p><p>I slip out of my shoes without a sound but Karin has already realized that I’m back. Of course she had. I surprise nevertheless as she stands in front of me all of a sudden.</p><p>"There you are. Finally." She looks at me with such an annoyed expression, it nearly lightens my mood. "You’ve got a visitor."</p><p>With this words she walks away again.</p><p>I push my hurt hand deeper inside of my pants. On my way home it began to throb and the cold air moving across it hurt.</p><p>"Hands off." I can hear Yuzus voice more clearly now. "That cake belongs to Ichi-nii - you had more than enough already! You’ll also become fat if you keep eating and all of that sugar is incredibly un-"</p><p>I walk into our living room to throw Keigo, Mizuiro or whoever else is here out of the house so that I can go to my room and be left in peace.</p><p>The thought vanishes as fast as it appeared. Standing in our kitchen, both pointer- and middle finger pushed into the bowl of icing that Yuzu spreads across the cake right now, stands Renji (or better said: Renjis gigai).</p><p>Renji who was grinning until a moment ago looks up and said grin widens.</p><p>"Hey, there you are! What took you so long?" he greets me openly and lifts his hand in a salute while walking a few steps towards me.</p><p>One hand still inside the pocket of my pants, the other one gripping the door frame tightly, I gape at him open-mouthed.</p><p>In the next moment I’m on the move, my hands clenched into fists and then I punch him straight in the face, at his cheek, just inches underneath the temple while shouting "Fucking asshole!"</p><p>With a surprised sound he stumbles backwards - I guess he didn’t expect that one. Me neither to be honest. My knuckles are bleeding again, my hand thumps harder than before.</p><p>From somewhere far away Yuzu screams and I can see out of the corner from my eye how she puts her hands in front of her mouth.</p><p>I stay frozen to the spot, breathing heavily like I just ran a marathon, shaking as if it’s winter instead of summer (but maybe it’s because it’s actually cold outside right now and my clothes don’t fit said coldness) and I have absolutely no idea what to do now.</p><p>A part of me wants to continue, to beat him to a pulp, another one wants to wrap my arms around him to be sure that he’s really here and a third part wants to go to my room, roll up in my bed and just stop moving.</p><p>Dad appeared out of nowhere and - lucky me - seems to recognize the misery I’m in because he puts an arm around Yuzus shoulders and gets her out of the room without saying anything, he just throws me a look.</p><p>I can feel sweat dripping from my temple while Renji rubs his cheek. I bet it hurts. I didn’t hold back with my punch at all.</p><p>At least he doesn’t say anything stupid like <em>'What the hell was that for?'</em> or anything like it but his silence doesn’t make it easier. The opposite actually.</p><p>Then he finally opens his mouth to say something - what it is he wants to say will stay a secret forever though because it’s just then and there that he sees my injured hand that hangs loosely by my side (and his expert look realizes right away that my ripped apart knuckles didn’t happen while I punched him in the face).</p><p>Before I can stop him he already took my wrist into his hand and my fingers into his other hand and lifts my hand closer to his face and the light source of the room.</p><p>"What happened?" he asks me and looks into my eyes - well, he tries since I’m turning my gaze away and try to pull my hand out of his but the movement hurts and his grip tightens.</p><p>"Did you beat someone up?" he asks me and I can hear worry in his voice (why? I can look after myself just fine even before I knew that the whole shinigami-stuff was a thing). "So what?!" I answer snottily and try again to pull back my fingers.</p><p>This time he lets me do it but wraps his arms around me right away to press my shaking body against his.</p><p>I feel my tense muscles loosen up and my body sinks against his without further ado.</p><p>So close to him I can smell him better and take a deep breath - then I pause as he whispers close to my ear: "I missed you." "You were the one who left." I tell him in a monotonous voice and the nice feeling from a moment ago leaves abruptly.</p><p>I push him away from me without looking at him. We have to discuss that topic, maybe let our fists talk too but not here. Not in our living-room where Dad could show up any second or one of my sisters.</p><p>Then I shamble across the room and it’s only when I’m at the door that I ask "Are you coming or what?!" with a stinging voice while I make my way to my room.</p><p>I can hear Renjis light steps behind me but he isn’t saying anything. Looks like he is just as overwhelmed by this whole situation than I am.</p><p>I’m not even looking at him when I let him into my room and close the door behind us.</p><p>"I… don’t understand." Renji starts with his eyebrows drawn together. "I did say that I’d go to the Soul Society. I know, I did take quite-" </p><p>I interrupt him harshly and with a loud voice. "Why didn’t you write? Or report any other way? I thought a second Aizen appeared or that there’s a rebellion going on or whatever! I thought you might be dead or… or with <em>him</em>."</p><p>I speak the last three words so quietly that I barely hear them myself. Gingerly Renji steps closer. I can see it dawn in his eyes and he stretches out an arm towards me. "Leave me be." I stop him and push Renji away with my left hand while punching him in his face again with the other, even though not as hard this time. The blood on his lips comes from my own hand this time.</p><p>He could’ve moved away easily but he didn’t.</p><p>Again he wraps his arms around me while I kick him against his shin (childish maybe but oh so effective), try to push him away again and even bite his shoulder through the fabric of his shirt.</p><p>Whatever I’m doing he won’t let go, just sways us to and fro and presses me closer against him, one hand on the back of my head.</p><p>"I won’t <em>ever</em> go back to him. You know that." he tells me in a calm but husky voice. "Do I?" I ask him, still angry even though I don’t try to fight his hug anymore.</p><p>"What should I think? You haven’t said one word about leaving and then you wake up with a hard one and you just leave."</p><p>Renji stays silent. I guess he seems to realize just now that that didn’t leave the best impression.</p><p>"Forgive me." The remorse in his voice seems to be honest. "I just thought- Well, I guess I didn’t think at all. I just had an idea for your birthday and… well." He’s back to being silent while a part of me is pacified again.</p><p>Renji has always been stubborn. Focused only at the matter at hand.</p><p>"Birthday?" I ask gingerly. "Hmm." he nods and I can feel the movement of his head against my own.</p><p>He takes a few steps back in the direction of my bed and I follow him stumbling.</p><p>With a half turn he changes sides and pushes me down at my shoulders until I’m sitting on my bed.</p><p>He grabs one of the Kleenexes that are on its usual place on my desk, then he kneels before me and takes my hand into his to check my bleeding knuckles.</p><p>We both stay silent while he dabs away the blood and runs his thumb carefully over the broken skin to check the bones underneath. The touch burns like fire but I don’t make a sound.</p><p>I’m actually curious now but I wait until Renji starts to talk himself. I know that he won’t be able to stay silent about my birthday present and then I can brag about it later that he told me on his own. My thoughts falter - so I already forgave him? Just believed him? <em>Since when don’t you trust him anymore?</em> a voice inside my head asks and I pull my hand back abruptly while I ask myself the same.</p><p>"What happened?" he asks me gingerly. He seems to realize that I don’t want to talk about it and runs his thumbs across the unharmed skin around my knuckles.</p><p>His touches are annoying on one side - but on the other I enjoy them. I sigh, resigned. I neither have the motivation nor the power to come up with a lie. "I hit a wall."</p><p>Renjis eyebrows draw together in a scowl. Looks like he tries to find logic in my actions. "Why?" I shrug and stare at my hand thoughtfully. Has Renjis hand always been that much bigger than mine?</p><p>I can see sore points on his fingers that have to hurt and the corner of his thumbnail is missing. What does that have to do with my birthday?</p><p>I swallow. "I’ve seen a couple." I answer and look away. It sounds ridiculous now that I say it out loud. "Yeah?" Renji asks but his voice sounds interested and soft, not mocking and amused. "What did they do?" Again it takes a moment longer before I answer. "They were holding hands." I can feel how Renji turns around my hand and locks our fingers. "And they kissed."</p><p>He stretches to reach my lips. I don’t move until he got to them but his lips on mine are just what I needed.</p><p>The pressure with which I’m holding his hands increases until it has to hurt but he doesn’t complain.</p><p>"Like this?" he asks me and when he opens his eyes I realize that I stared at him nonstop. "Hmm." I nod gingerly. With a frown my thumb runs over the missing piece in his nail before my gaze wanders over the palms of his hands where the skin is reddened and raw but also coated with cornea.</p><p>I feel the muscles twitch underneath my touches as I move over his skin.</p><p>Then I move my fingers towards his face carefully, there where I hit his cheek. The spot is reddened and will bruise in a few hours but Renji barely even flinches when I touch it. I let loose a breath. The punch happened in the heat of the moment - I didn’t really wanted to hurt him.</p><p>"So, about your birthday- Oh well, I won’t tell you. It’s gonna be a surprise." "Well, I’ve had enough surprises for a lifetime now. Also it’s only two more hours until then." "And thirty minutes. I can see the clock just as well as you can." "Tss."</p><p>I feel a weight drop from my heart now that we are back to bickering.</p><p>He sighs. "Oh well. Maybe it’s better if you have time to think it over anyways. Tell me, have you ever hear something about BDSM?" "Say again?" I ask and am surprised, how calm my voice is. <em>Of course</em> I heard about it before. That’s why I’m worried right now.</p><p>Does Renji want to chain me up like a parcel until I’m unable to move, whip me till I’m bleeding and lock me down in his basement? Or does he want me to do exactly that to him and the wounds on his hands are a sign for him practicing?</p><p>My head is spinning.</p><p>A droplet of sweat runs down my temple again and I can feel my hands shake inside of Renjis. "So, BDSM means-" he starts but I use this moment to pull my hands out of his and he becomes silent again. Through my too long bangs I can see him looking at me thoughtfully.</p><p>"You did hear about it before, did you?" he asks carefully and I nod, arms wrapped around my own body and rubbing my upper arms to calm myself down again. Without realizing it I rock back and forth again.</p><p>"Sure, who doesn’t?" I ask with a nervous voice and laugh. It sounds a bit manic. "It’s about coercion and pain and torture. What’s <em>your</em> business with all of that?!" I can see Renji smile and lift my gaze a bit. "Yeah, that’s what it can be about - but it doesn’t have to. There’s just as much <em>coercion and pain and torture</em> as you want. You know, those Live-shows in the Soul Society - they’re just about always about BDSM. Trust me, the first time I was there I had no idea about nothing and it was outlandish… But it was quite hot too."</p><p>"You’ll get tied up!" "You can bet on it." "And hit." "Sure, if you’re into it?!"</p><p>I shake my head no. "That’s… That’s nothing for me." He sighs, turns around and leans his back against my legs before laying his head backwards onto my thighs.</p><p>I sigh, still sitting a bit bend over. What is he doing?</p><p>"Kiss me." he says with a quiet voice and I swallow first before I bend forward with a scowl, move my head aside and kiss him upside down.</p><p>His arms wrap around my neck and after a moment my own hands let go of my arms and I move the unharmed one onto his muscular chest.</p><p>Without even realizing it I use my other to run them across the tattoos on his neck. I can feel his throat vibrate as he sighs. He seems so relaxed. So calm.</p><p>He doesn’t even let go of my lips as he says with a calm voice: "If your hand would press down now it would be close enough to BDSM." As if I had burned myself I pull my hand away. "Remember the first time I visited you with the laptop? When I pinched your nipples? When I refused to let you cum? Strictly speaking it’s BDSM as well. And a while back, when I dreamed about Byakuya? If it would’ve been more consensual it was BDSM as well. Definitely."</p><p>I swallow, my eyes tightly shut.</p><p>Renji just keeps talking and I let him. Do I <em>want</em> him to convince me? I don’t know yet.</p><p>"You can count just about everything to BDSM that’s more than normal sex or a blow job or if you jerk me off. It’s complex and there’s no right or wrong, only that what <em>we</em> want. <em>We</em> decide what’s right or wrong, not what anyone else tells us or what’s written in a textbook."</p><p>I let go of his lips but my eyes are still shut. "I wouldn’t mind if you’d be the dom, means the one who decides what’s going to happen next and keeps an eye on everything but - I admit - without training it can turn real dangerous real fast, I learned that lately. That’s why I was in the Soul Society. I met a man whose shows I often visited and asked him to show me some things. I <em>was</em> tied up, <em>have</em> tied up and learned a lot about the humans’ body weaknesses. Or how to realize when it’s too much for the partner - you, in this case."</p><p>"Okay." I whisper but Renji just keeps talking with enthusiasm that I don’t see on him too often. "For example I could tie you to the bed with only your hands and then I can forbid you to-" He stops and pulls together his eyebrows. "<em>'Okay?'</em>" he asks me incredulous and I just shrug while I look into his dark, wide open eyes.</p><p>"You’ll just keep bugging me about it anyways until I say yes, won’t you?!" "Uhm… probably." "So I can just save me the trouble by agreeing right now."</p><p>There must’ve been a lot of disagreement in my voice and displeasure because Renji turns around towards me and puts his chin onto my knees. "You’re going to love it, promise."</p><p>"Hmm." I answer, still not convinced and play with a red strand of his hair. He presses a kiss to the side of my naked knee and sits next to me onto my bed.</p><p>"Think of a security-word till tomorrow." "Safe word you mean." "I just said that. And don’t you worry, I’ll take good care of you. Safe, sane, consensual - that’s the difference from real BDSM to the crap that you’ve been thinking about." He taps his finger against my forehead.</p><p>"Why tomorrow? Why not now?" "Because we sure as hell won’t do it <em>here</em> with your family around. Also I’ve got all of my stuff at my place. Also it’s late and you look tired.  All bad conditions for it."</p><p>I can feel the smile on his face as I lean my head against his right shoulder and lock the fingers of my left and his right hand.</p><p>"I’ve only been with Niwasu-sensei by the way. I haven’t seen Rukia or anyone else from the Gotei 13. Least of all Byakuya." "I know." I answer his just as quietly and close my eyes, breathe in his scent. "It’s nice that you’re back. I missed you." I admit and Renji leans his head against mine before pulling my face closer with his left hand.</p><p>We stay like that for a bunch of minutes and I can feel my body relax, how all of the stress from the last few days seems to drain out of it and yes, I’m actually tired now. My eyes are closed and my breath calm and slow while Renji runs his thumb across my cheek.</p><p>All of a sudden he moves a little bit and my eye lids flutter but he just presses my head against his chest with a quiet "Shhh." and I can feel how he lies me down onto my bed.</p><p>It’s cold without him next to me especially after he pulls my T-Shirt over my head. "Usual time for the alarm clock?" he asks me quietly and I nod, already halfway back to sleep.</p><p>I can feel his lips on mine, then he whispers: "I’ll pick you up tomorrow after school. I’ve already asked your family. I don’t think they’re too happy about it but they are okay with it."</p><p>"Hmm." I mutter again and then I feel how Renji pulls the blanket over me carefully before he presses a kiss onto my forehead. "It’s nice to be back." he whispers, followed by an even quieter "I love you." before he gets up and sneaks towards the door. It becomes dark around my closed eyes as he puts out the light, then I can hear the door being pulled close quietly.</p><p>For a moment I force myself to open my eyes. My alarm clock shows the time ten thirty-eight in red, bold letters. Not too late yet, but it was a long day. About a minute later I hear our main door close, then steps that are moving away.</p><p>I feel at peace right now.</p><p>Renji is back. Tired because of all of those emotions I’m not even able to become nervous before I fall asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just some info real quick: Please mind the tags from now on and if you are uncomfortable with anything don't read it or something.<br/>Apart from that: Enjoy!!!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When my alarm clock rings in the next morning I’m still a bit tired and blink around like an owl. For a moment it all seems like a dream. That Renji was gone. That Renji is back.</p><p>My hurting knuckles prove fast enough that everything was very much real.</p><p>And then everything is back. <em>"Think of a security-word till tomorrow." "</em>We<em> decide what’s right or wrong." "If your hand would press down now, it would be close enough to BDSM."</em></p><p>My head is spinning but I feel a bit more safe about that topic today.</p><p>Renji hasn’t left me hanging up to now, especially not when it had to do with sex and he never gave me a reason <em>not</em> to trust him.</p><p>During breakfast I try to think the safe word thing over and what kind of I should take but I don’t get too far since both Yuzu and Karin want to know what’s going on with the <em>guy from yesterday</em>.</p><p>I answer them only vaguely - I don’t want to tell them that I and the <em>guy from yesterday</em> are a thing.</p><p>We eat my cake in the morning. "Since you are coming home late today."</p><p>I just nod my agreement while my head sends me pictures of Renji with both fingers inside the bowl of icing and the wide grin on his face, the annoyed Karin and the angry Yuzu. Close to Renji being a part of this family already.</p><p>It’s a nice feeling in a way.</p><p>Yuzu and Karin give me their little presents. A pair of new socks from Yuzu ("You should really change those more often, they reek" she said while waving her hand in front of her nose) and a bar of chocolate (nut, my favorite). Karin gets me another bar of chocolate (nut again - did they think of that together?) and new headphones (I don’t remember telling her that mine are broken). Dad got me a book from which he hoped "that I don’t have it yet". He could’ve asked. What if I really had had it?</p><p>As we finally finish our breakfast (and the present-giving) it’s already so late that I nearly get too late to school. At least nobody saw my bruised knuckles. Could’ve been because I was hiding them underneath the table for most of the time. My sisters hurry away and I get up as well but Dad holds me back. He doesn’t try to fight me as he does so often, instead he looks at me seriously.</p><p>"What’s up with that Renji-guy?" he asks me as no-nonsense as I usually am. "W-What are you talking about?" I ask him and shift uncomfortably. "I may be old but I’m not stupid. Are you two together?"</p><p>I rub my neck with a scowl. "I guess." I shrug. "Does it work? He’s a shinigami, a <em>soul</em>, and you are… human." I nod, even though I never thought about it until now. About the difference between us. "Sure. All consensual and stuff."</p><p>Dad sighs, then his facial expression changes. "Oh Ichigoooo. And I thought you’ll introduce me to a new daughter and make a lot of little Ichigos."</p><p>I feel myself become red. At least Dad seems to take it with humor because he doesn’t seem to be mad. Or disgusted.</p><p>"Take care of you." he tells me and winks at me. I nod and get out of the kitchen to get my school bag. As I walk by the door to our living room I can hear him whistle in a good mood.</p><p>Shaking my head I get into my shoes and leave.</p><p>On my way to school and during the first two lessons I don’t think about the safe word but about what Dad said. He is right somehow - I’m a human, no shinigami and I don’t have any connection to Renjis world. Is that an exclusion criterion for a working relationship?</p><p>I never thought about it, not even when I felt completely helpless when Renji left for the Soul Society.</p><p>Sighing I rip myself out of my thoughts and copy the text from the board into my exercise book before my mind wanders off again. Back to the <em>security word</em>.</p><p>I think about what I know of it. I guess I heard that it should be something that you won’t say (or scream) during sex accidently and that it’s like a stop-sign for the partner.</p><p>My lunch break passes and I’m still unable to determine a word. Instead Inoue comes over and asks me if she can heal my hand. In a corner of the school where we won’t be seen right away I let her do exactly that, thank her absent-minded and get through the last hours of the school day somehow (still without a <em>security word</em>).</p><p>I thought about things like <em>shinigami</em> and once even the word <em>math</em> but decided against it. During one point in my history lesson the perfect word came to my mind - just for me to forget about it right away. For a moment I thought about using names but that would’ve been too weird (one might think that I start to scream <em>Ishida</em> or something during the middle of sex. No thank you).</p><p>Keigo obviously tried right away to invite me to the (not so secret) birthday party but I made him change the date after I told him that I had something else planned for a while already. It really was. Kinda.</p><p>Today I take my time to pack my things. In the last half an hour or so I became quite nervous.</p><p>I’m about the last one to leave the class room, say my goodbyes via hand signs to Chad and leave the school.</p><p>Loosely leaned against the wall is Renji, wearing dark jeans, the white tank top he was wearing during his first visit at my place and a leather jacket that has to be way too hot to wear these days.</p><p>He wears sunglasses and has his hair tied in the usual way. With a guilty conscience I realize that there actually is a bruise underneath his left eye.</p><p>A smile moves across his formerly bored face as his gaze finds me and he starts to walk towards me. "How was your day?" he asks me and the unreadable tone in his voice let him sound as nervous as I feel.</p><p>"Boring." I answer with a shrug. He grins.</p><p>We stand there like idiots for a moment without moving, then Renji clears his throat and turns south.</p><p>"Should we?" he asks, one hand stretched towards me. I look around gingerly but I can’t see anyone else so I grip his hand and let him lock our fingers together.</p><p>In a good mood he whistles an unknown song while I walk beside him, gaze lowered. "So, did you think about a soft word?" "Safe word." I correct him but can’t stop myself from laughing. "Sure, that as well." he agrees but I just sigh, remembering how incompetent I was. "Not really - and it’s definitely not because of lack of trying."</p><p>"We could also use the traffic-light-system." he says, thinking out loud while rubbing his chin. "The traffic-light-system?" I ask with highly drawn eyebrows. "Well, green for <em>Alright</em>, yellow for <em>Hold on</em> and red for <em>stop</em>."</p><p>I sigh. He wasn’t able to get that idea yesterday?</p><p>"Good one?" he asks and I nod.</p><p>His gaze wanders towards the hand holding my school bag. He looks at me questioningly and I answer before he can ask: "Inoue healed me." "Nice girl." he says with gratitude in his voice. "Hmm." I nod and then we start to talk about unimportant things like what kind of presents I got and how the cake tasted and what he did all morning long. (According to him: Preparing things for later. Like, all morning long? Really? <em>What exactly</em> did he plan for later? And what did he mean <em>prepare</em>?)</p><p>The question stays on my tongue but Renji has already changed the topic again and asks me if I want some ice cream as we pass a little café.</p><p>"Why not." I nod. It’s quite warm today. Knowingly Renji lets go of my hand before we get in and he starts to walk towards the counter with me at his heels.</p><p>The people around us stare - we do stand out like colored dogs.</p><p>At least I’m not that nervous anymore. A bit at least.</p><p> </p><p>Around an hour later we’re finally back at Renjis apartment and pull our shoes from our feet (I put down my school bag as well while Renji pulls off his jacket). Renji treated me to a coffee after the ice cream and himself some juice (I don’t think he really got the meaning of a café) and then we kind of forgot about the time.</p><p>My nervousness is gone since stepping into Renjis apartment and it feels like he has never been gone, a feeling that calms be down.</p><p>Apart from the holding-hands-thing on our way to the café nothing of our actions had shown that we might be together (even though the waitress in said café looked at us curiously when Renji paid for us both. But that might’ve been because he confused the coins with each other and I had to help him out).</p><p>Now the door closes behind us and a moment later I’m pressed against the wall next to said door and he kisses me like we won’t live to see tomorrow.</p><p>I answer the kiss, my eyes closed and force myself not to think about the near future but only about this moment, the moment in which Renji runs his fingers over my cheek, the moment in which his slightly like juice tasting lips move against mine and his tongue moves across my bottom lip.</p><p>I open my mouth a bit but Renjis tongue doesn’t press inside, instead he waits patiently until mine moves against his.</p><p>Then he lets go of me and my breath goes so fast already that I would’ve loved to pull him against me but he just takes a step back and grabs my hand.</p><p>Gasping I take it and let him drag me to the sleeping room when he says: "Come."</p><p>I follow him, swallowing hard. First you can’t see anything of Renji having prepared anything, then I realize that the seriously gigantic bag in the corner is new.</p><p>I glance at it nervously but Renji just pulls me further, into the direction of the bed. He stops in the middle of the room and turns me around so that my back is turned towards the bed and he stands right in front of me.</p><p>"Come on, let’s take that off." With this words he starts to unbutton my shirt. I let him do it, just watch him open button after button and uncovering more and more of my rapidly moving chest.</p><p>He brushes the button-up off of my shoulders and even though it’s warm I can feel a shiver run down my back and on my arms spread goose bumps. His hands wander over the skin right above my pants before he opens that button as well and pulls down the zipper.</p><p>I’m still nervous but my arousal seems to overpower it. I look down at myself and at my straining erection inside my boxers.</p><p>I swallow when Renji bends down, grabs my pants by the hips and pulls it down slowly before tipping against my ankle until I lift my leg. He pulls away my pants and mirrors the movement on my other side.</p><p>As he moves up again I feel him breathe against my covered cock before he pulls down my underwear as well. He even pulls off my socks before standing up again, so close to me that I can feel his hot breath move over my skin and then the soft gust of air following his movement.</p><p>I shiver and gasp silently. What part of that is supposed to be BDSM? Not one of my unspoken and vocalized fears turned out to be true up to now.</p><p>With a slightly open mouth Renji stares at me, obviously enjoying his view and I feel my cheeks grow red and my hand inches towards my crotch.</p><p>A stupid deed. We saw each other naked so often - why should I grow shame now? Maybe it’s because he’s fully clothed or it’s the way he’s looking at me.</p><p>Abruptly he grabs my hand before I can cover my dick. "No, Ichigo." he tells me with a certain voice as if I would be a naughty child.</p><p>"Fold your hands behind your back." His voice is harsh and the order comes so unexpected that I follow it without thinking twice.</p><p>A moment later I realize what I have just done but now I don’t dare to change my position anymore. Instead I keep standing there calmly - I admit, with slightly shaking knees - and stare ahead, following Renjis movements with only my eyes as he walks around me with slow, measuring steps - just to get my clothes, to fold them neatly and to put them onto the small table in the corner.</p><p>I swallow and feel my cock loosing some pre-cum. I close my eyes for a moment to calm myself down, one second later they are wide open again because a new gust of air announces Renjis arrival.</p><p>Again he circles around me with slow steps and I can feel his fingers on my shoulder blades, only the tips, so softly that I can feel the muscles underneath my skin jostle and how Renjis fingers leave my skin tingling.</p><p>Then he puts both of his hands onto my shoulders and runs them over my upper arms with pressure, further down until his fingers close around my wrists.</p><p>"Do you remember the system of the security-word?" he asks me quietly, close to my ear. I nod hastily, my breath unusually loud inside my own ears. "Repeat it." he orders me in a quiet voice and I gasp shortly before reciting with shaky voice: "Green for <em>Alright</em>, yellow for <em>Hold on</em> and red for <em>Stop</em>."</p><p>"Good." he tells me, pleased and then he lets go of my hands again and walks back to my front while running his pointer finger across a line, starting in the middle of my shoulder blade, over the hollow between shoulder and upper arm over my chest and to my nipple where he lets his finger rest for a moment.</p><p>I can feel a thud in it and recognize a moment later that this is probably his heartbeat. It calms me down a bit that he isn’t as calm as he acts.</p><p>"Look at me." he says calmly and I lift my gaze from his finger to his face.</p><p>"I’ll now tie you to the bed." he says with a firm voice and gives me a moment to understand what he just said. I swallow but don’t turn my gaze away. "Color?" I need another moment to get when he means, then I answer with a hoarse voice: "G-Green… I guess." He nods, satisfied.</p><p>"Stay right where you are."</p><p>He turns his back to me and gets to the big bag. I try to get a look at the contents when Renji opens it but his big body hides what’s inside.</p><p>As he gets up again my gaze stays at a black colored rope, maybe 0,3 inch thick and rolled up in a way that makes it impossible to tell how long exactly it is though it seems quite short.</p><p>He gets closer to me and tells me generously: "Go ahead, touch it." Gingerly I hold out my hands. It feels rough underneath my fingertips but it’s still soft enough for me to bend it in any direction possible without it being stiff.</p><p>Pleasant. At least up to now.</p><p>"May I?" he asks and points at the rope. Without a word I let him take it out of my hands. "Can you kneel on the bed?" he asks me in the next moment and again I nod before turning towards said object. There’s another thing that I realize now, something that I haven’t noticed before since I was busy with other things.</p><p>His bed is made neatly. <em>Making his bed</em> for Renji means usually that he somehow folds the blanket (or doesn’t at all) and drapes it over the bed without it hanging down too much - not this time. The blanket is smoothed out and covers every inch of the mattress below, even underneath the pillow.</p><p>Slowly I climb onto his bed and kneel down into seiza, my hands on my thighs.</p><p>Renji opened the knot in the meantime that held the rope together and opens it now, cradles it in his hand a bit and straightens it again while wearing an other-worldly, strained expression on his face.</p><p>Then his gaze returns to the here and now and it looks like some of his confidence came back to him. "Give me your hand." he says and as I lift my right and then my left hand gingerly. He continues: "It doesn’t matter which one."</p><p>Without further ado I pass him my right one, the one closer to him.</p><p>His fingers move across my healed knuckles for a moment and again my gaze wanders up onto the swelling on his face that I’m responsible for.</p><p>Then my attention is needed elsewhere because Renji starts to twirl the rope at two different spots, pulls a knot through another one and moves my hand through the makeshift opening until the rope is draped around my wrist doubly with two knots each on the inside.</p><p>He pulls the rope upwards a bit and lets both of the ends wander between my thumb and my second finger across my knuckles until the rope returned to its place of origin. He pulls it through the beginning of the rope, directly above the knot, then another time and one last time through the developed loop and now there’s another knot in the middle of my palm.</p><p>"Open and close your hand." he rips me out of my fascination (I had no idea that Renji was able to do something like this. I still can’t really believe that he learned that kinda stuff during just one week).</p><p>I follow his order and feel the rope tighten around my knuckles and when I circle my wrists it does the same over there. "Too tight?" "No." I answer honestly and clear my throat.</p><p>My voice… it just doesn’t want the same as I do.</p><p>Renji nods, satisfied and pulls on the rope lightly. I follow his demand and crawl a bit higher towards the headboard.</p><p>Around said iron bars he wraps the rope, approximately in the middle of the bed before asking for my other hand and mirroring his actions.</p><p>I have to bend forward now since the rope is short enough to restrict my movement.</p><p>Again he makes me clench a fist and asks me if the rope is too tight and again I deny it.</p><p>I can see him lick his lips out of the corner of my eyes, obviously pleased with his work. "Which color?" he asks me composed and this time I don’t hesitate before answering: "Green."</p><p>"Alright, then lie down." I entangle my limbs and lie down circuitously. With my hands only about a hand-width away from the iron bars I have to pull my arms above my head, a position that lets my body - or at least my behind - widely open for anything that he still has on his mind.</p><p>Now I actually get why he tied my hands up like this - I can grip the rope comfortably.</p><p>He runs his fingers through my hair softly, then his hand moves down towards my neck, over my tense shoulder blades that he massages for a bit until the hard muscles give in and relax.</p><p>I moved my head to the side in the meantime to get some air and throw him a glance now and then.</p><p>His hands continue downwards, over my hips, towards my ass where he starts to massage my ass cheeks.</p><p>I sigh blissfully and feel my hips twitch into his direction. "We’re quite impatient today, aren’t we?" I can hear his voice and feel the heat rise into my cheeks.</p><p>He hits my ass lightly, nothing more than a pat and I flinch. "Come on, up onto your knees." Circuitously I pull them underneath my body and lift myself up but when my upper body wants to follow, a hand between my shoulder blades presses me back to the bed. "No-No, that’s enough now." "Okay." I whisper and feel my cheeks burn brighter while I just can’t take my gaze off of him.</p><p>Renji bends towards the nightstand to get the usual tube of lube (a new one already). He bends over for a moment, moves one ass cheek aside and presses a kiss to my twitching entrance (something that’s both parts weird and arousing, which Renji seem to enjoy very much though) then I can feel the cool lube drip into the crack between my ass cheeks and shiver at the feeling.</p><p>One moment later I can feel Renjis finger move along the line the lube left, up and down, again and again, before drawing little circles onto my entrance. My knees are shaking and I try to move myself against him but the position I’m in, together with the fact that my wrists are bound above my head ensures quite securely that I can’t move very far - at least not into Renjis direction.</p><p>He follows the lubes trail down towards my testicles and back up to my entrance again.</p><p>A finger slides into me - no, not a finger; a finger<em>tip</em>, not enough to pleasure me and while I gasp poorly he pulls the finger away already.</p><p>"R-Renji." I whimper.</p><p>"Hmm? Something wrong?" he asks me in an uninterested voice while he drags his nail across my ass. It hurts for a moment but as Renji uses the tip of his finger to follow the same trail backwards I tremble, still too speechless as if I’d be able to answer he question.</p><p>The air moving over the cool lube on my ass makes me shiver and I can feel another drop of pre-cum leave my glans and run down my dick.</p><p>Again his finger runs across the cleft of my ass and again he pushes his finger into me, a bit further this time but still not enough before removing it again.</p><p>I try to move against him but the rope stops my ministrations and again I moan a desperate "Renji!" "Hmm?" he asks and this time I’m able to answer with a "Take me, please." before a moan leaves my throat.</p><p>"And you’re bossy again. Aren’t <em>you</em> the one who’s tied up?" I just moan and flinch when Renji orders me: "Answer me!" "Yes." I whisper. "<em>Yes</em> what?" "Yes, I’m tied up." "So why do you think that you’ve the authority to command me anything?" he asks, still with the same harsh voice that makes me shudder and grow small and unimportant at the same time and that I would love nothing more but to fight. I mumble something, so quiet that Renji doesn’t understand me.</p><p>"What was that?" he asks and my cheeks burn as I repeat: "I’ve said<em> 'Please'.</em>" "Yeah? You did? I don’t think I heard you right. Say it again." I swallow hard. "P-Please."</p><p>He grips a handful of my hair and pulls my head up. Right next to my ear I can hear him say. "Not good enough, I-chi-go."</p><p>"Forgive me." I croak without knowing what exactly I’m sorry about. I can feel tears in the corners of my eyes and blink them away.</p><p>Again a finger moves across my entrance and he pushes my head back into the pillow, sideways, so that I’m still able to breathe. "Since you think that you’re better in this than I am - tell me what to do."</p><p>I whimper desperately while the tip of his finger runs across my entrance and pushes into me lightly from time to time. "Please, please, put your finger inside." "Inside? Where to?" "Into my ass. Please." "Your wish is my command." he whispers darkly and in the next moment I feel my ass widen around his finger. Not much. Not <em>enough</em>.</p><p>I groan loudly and circle my hips while Renji - does nothing at all.</p><p>"Something like this?" he asks me and a moan escapes me. "Not enough." I squeeze through clenched teeth. "Please, another one." I can feel his middle finger move lightly across my entrance in tiny circles. "Push it in." I croak, quickly followed by a "Please!"</p><p>I can hear Renji gasp above me but he follows my command without any contradict before he leans backwards and kneels behind me.</p><p>"Move them." I whisper when Renji doesn’t get the idea himself and just leaves them inside of me motionless - better, but still not enough - and Renji does what I tell him to, lets them circle inside of me slowly and again I move my hips - as good as I can - into his direction and can’t suppress a whimper this time.</p><p>"More." I groan. "Please more, thrust them into me." A whine is squeezed out of me and my whole body flinches as his fingers thrust into me abruptly. "Again, please, harder."</p><p>Again his fingers thrust into me and my body moves upwards on his bed a bit.</p><p>"Prostate. Please." I groan and cry out as his next thrust finds my point of pleasure.</p><p>I can feel my glans rub against my stomach and how it leaves a trail of sperm there.</p><p>Then nothing happens at all and I need a moment to remember that I have to give him instructions when I want him to do <em>anything</em>.</p><p>First I’m speechless, then I croak: "Enough. No more fingers. Take them out." My voice sounds utterly wrecked but Renji just follows my orders and kneels next to me, waiting patiently.</p><p>A hand lies down on my lower back and moves across it calmly.</p><p>"Color?" he asks me after a minute of silence in which I held my eyes closed and tried to catch my breath while sweat ran down my forehead. "G-Green." I gasp and register that his voice sounds just as screwed up as my own.</p><p>"Fuck me." I continue to talk while looking at him over my shoulder. "With pleasure." he grins and opens his pants. He doesn’t pull them off, just pushes it down a bit until his hard cock appears. I can see a dark-colored spot in his underwear before he positions himself and I sigh blissfully as I can feel the head of his cock against my entrance.</p><p>No condom. That’s okay. I’m not sick and he is inside of a <em>gigai</em>. Also it’s way more intense without (even though the cleaning up is a real nuisance).</p><p>A few moments pass without Renji moving and I remember that I’ll have to tell him what to do.</p><p>"Please, push into me." I croak and a second later I lie there with my mouth open and my eyes closed, moaning throatily, still on my knees and clinging to the rope like a drowning man at a lifebuoy.</p><p>Slowly, oh so slowly, he slides into me, deeper and deeper, a bit like back then when he dreamed of Byakuya. The position I’m in is incredibly intense. Why didn’t we do that before?</p><p>I feel his testicles at my ass, his thighs at mine. So deep. So hot. My breath flees my open mouth in pants, an unstoppable euphony of "Haah!"s and I can feel my legs twitch but again he doesn’t move.</p><p>"Move. Thrust into me, come on." I ask him to do (I refuse to call it begging) and tell him "Please!" hastily.</p><p>"Of course, my lord." Renji teases me (or tries to at least but I’m not capable anymore to react to that kind of provocation) before he pulls out of me again to push back in. Too slow, way too slow. Like in slow motion. "Please, faster. Harder. Faster!" I whine and pull at the rope that’s binding me but it doesn’t give in.</p><p>"You know what? I thought it over. You’re not doing it any better than me - I’ll take over again."</p><p>And with this words he begins to thrust into me, still so awfully slow that I think I’ll go crazy. Words tumble out between my lips but they are forgotten the moment they left and as much as I beg him to take he harder, he stays hard (just like his dick by the way. I can feel it loosing pre-cum inside of me).</p><p>Tears are streaming down my cheeks and sink into the fabric of the pillow underneath. His next <em>thrust</em> makes me sob. I can’t even touch myself. My penis hurts. I want to come, desperately, <em>desperately</em>, but it’s not enough.</p><p>Then his movements stop entirely and he bends down towards me. "What color, Ichigo?" he asks me and his voice isn’t as hard as before, I can hear worry inside. I shake my head. "Yellow… Green… No idea."</p><p>Exhausted I open my eyes and look up at him. "Please, touch me. Let me come. Fuck me harder. Anything." "Shhh." A hand runs through my hair. "Just one more moment of patience, Ichigo." I close my eyes, resigned and feel his lips at my ear and the raw fabric of his shirt on my back. "May I try something?" he asks me, hopefully but in a way that tells me that if it would be okay if I’d refuse. "Hmm…" I nod and remember that Renji wants real answers, so I answer an: "Okay." "Tell me if you decide differently." he whispers into my ear and his hot breath moves across it before he leans back and pulls out of me.</p><p>A disappointed sound escapes my lips and I can hear him pull up the zipper of his pants again and then he moves around on the bed until he’s halfway behind and halfway next to me.</p><p>Gently his hand runs over my ass while he bends forwards a bit so that I can feel his weight on the upper part of my back.</p><p>"I’m going to hit you." I can hear his warning next to my left ear. The hand not massaging my ass right now runs to my face, underneath my chin and lifts it up a bit.</p><p>He presses a kiss to my cheek, runs his tongue to my lips and kisses them as well.</p><p>I open my eyes slightly as he lets go of my lips but doesn’t move away (I can still feel his breath on my face).</p><p>"Okay." I answer even though I’m not sure if he asked something at all. Instead my mind asks me a question; <em>Since when are you okay with it when just yesterday you were fighting tooth and nails against it?</em> - but I choke the voice hastily by leaning forwards (finally a direction I can move into) and by kissing Renji back.</p><p>That kiss doesn’t remain as long because Renji lets go of me and my chin and gets back to his former place - halfway next to me and halfway behind of me.</p><p>The hand that was massaging my ass nonstop up to now stops, draws back like I can see out of the corner of my eyes and pats the right cheek of my ass.</p><p>I flinch but it tickled more than it hurt (strictly spoken I barely even felt that <em>hit</em>) and I snort unconsciously. "Is that all you got?" I ask him with a husky voice and a lopsided smirk on my face. In disbelief Renji looks at me, then his eyes light up and he answers to my provocation.</p><p>"What do you mean?" "I mean…" It’s harder then one might think to say these words. "…that you should hit me harder."</p><p>A moment later I can hear a loud smack. My ass begins to burn and I gasp. The movement was so fast, I barely saw it.</p><p>Despite my fears my erection doesn’t seem to be against it - the opposite actually.</p><p>"Like this?" he asks me and I nod. "Yeees." The word ends in a moan as his hand touches the spot he has just mistreated. I wonder if his handprint is visible there. "Following your reaction I take it you want me to continue?"</p><p>I nod before I can think it over and this time I doesn’t have to say anything before his hand collides with my ass, this time onto the other side.</p><p>I feel my manhood twitch while I groan.</p><p>Again his hand moves across the spot that he hit and stays there for a moment until my quick breath has calmed down a bit. He draws back his hand again and hits me in fast order left and right before using both hands to run them over the sore spots.</p><p>My knees hurt and I try to get into another position but when Renji bends forward to press a kiss to my entrance and then presses the wide part of his tongue against it my body stays in its position while I can <em>hear</em> pre-cum emerge from my tip and drop onto the bed. "R-Renji." I moan desperately while his fingers run over my burning ass nonstop, his calloused fingertips on my burning-hot skin and I hollow my back unconsciously to get closer to him but he already lets go of me again.</p><p>I whimper but he draws back his hand already, so fast that I can feel and hear the gust of wind before it smacks onto the right side of my ass.</p><p>A scream erupts from my chest - he did something differently, maybe he held his hand in another way or used more power because it burns and tweaks and tingles and hurts all the same.</p><p>My hips move into nowhere and my pants grow louder and as Renji (who still knows my body better than I does) hits me again onto the same spot, as hard as the first time I cum violently against my chest, my stomach and his bed with an indefinable sound.</p><p>My whole body twitches and I can hear someone sob (but don’t register that this one is me). A moment later I blink up at Renji through tears as he sits down next to my upper body, massaging my cramped up thighs and makes me lie down onto his bed while he loosens the rope with a few quick movements first at one hand and then on the other before pulling them out of the makeshift loops.</p><p>"Ichigo, which color?" he asks me quickly in a voice that I can’t interpret right now. A wide grin moves across my face. "G-Green." I stutter and my sob drowns in laughter while my eyes close again.</p><p>I feel his tears on my cheeks and how he wipes away said tears, his lips on every spot of my face that he can reach somehow, my forehead first, then my temple, the lid of my eye, the tip of my nose, then my cheek and finally my lips. Only for a moment, like he fears to take away my breath.</p><p>Finally free of my bindings I grab for his hand clumsily, turn around and snuggle closer to him, my face inside the hollow of his neck while breathing in the smell of sweet sweat, his shower gel that he uses in the human world and the metallic smell of his katana.</p><p>With closed eyes I start to lick his throat, bite into the soft skin above his collarbone and run my fingers over his hand nonstop.</p><p>"I-Ichigo." he tries to stop me but I just grumble and lick a line across the tattoo closest to me.</p><p>All of a sudden he grabs my head and pulls me backwards before sitting up. "Ichigo, wait." he begs me but I just grab for his hip - now lying on my stomach - and pull me closer to him. "Come on, let me jerk you off. You need it too. You <em>want</em> it too."</p><p>During my speech I halfway moved my hand into his pants but Renjis harsh grip on my wrist (that does hurt a bit, to be honest) stops me.</p><p>"Ichigo, you don’t have to do that, I…" He swallows and all of a sudden his cheeks turn quite red as I look upwards to him. "I already came."</p><p>He turns his gaze away and lets go of my hand and I use that to move it into his underwear. Indeed.</p><p>My eyes widen as I pull out my hand again and look at the cum on it.</p><p>I lean my head lightly against his left thigh before looking up at him and sliding my fingers slowly into my open mouth before sucking on them with lewd noises.</p><p>Renji watches me, breathing heavily and unable to take his gaze away from me, licks his lips again and again but after a while my fingers are clean (though his cock certainly isn’t) and I pull out my tongue to show him his seed on it. Renji moans deeply.</p><p>Again I want to move my fingers in between his pants and his warm skin but Renji pushes me from him and gets up. "Wait there for a sec." he orders me before getting back to the bag, rummaging through it and returning with a tube. No lube. But what else?</p><p>I understand as he kneels down next to my dully thumping ass (especially the right side hurts), opens the tube and puts some of it onto his hand before rubbing it gently into the reddened spots.</p><p>The cream is comfortingly cool on my hot skin and a low moan escapes me. Gently Renji runs his finger over my behind until the cream warmed up so much that it’s back to uncomfortable.</p><p>He must’ve read it in my face or the way I flinch underneath his touch because a moment later he squeezes more of the cream onto his hand and rubs it into my ass softly.</p><p>My gaze stays glued on Renji, on his highly concentrated face with the small worry line between his tattooed eyebrows and his pressed together lips and on the stiffness with which he moves.</p><p>What is he thinking right now? No, I guess I know what he’s thinking of. That he went too far. That he shouldn’t have done it. That it was too much for me.</p><p>I would love to prove him wrong but he’s not within my reach and my voice finally stopped working and my body is so heavy that it doesn’t want to move anymore, now that the adrenaline is gone.</p><p>So I can just wait impatiently until Renji stops his loving caresses on my ass.</p><p>And indeed he puts away the tube, runs his fingers over my knee cabs and moves them, massages the spot slightly above my left knee that I didn’t even recognize that it felt numb, then he seems to remember something else because he gets up from the bed quickly, says "I’m right back." and runs to the bathroom and then to the kitchen where I can hear the water go.</p><p>Then he really is <em>right back</em> and puts a glass of water onto the nightstand before turning me around carefully before he begins to run a soft wet cloth over my body to wipe away the cum, over my chest my stomach and just the more careful over my cock.</p><p>I don’t move but look at him lovingly and as he closes in towards my face I grab his shirt and pull him down to me to kiss me.</p><p>"I love you." I whisper in a hoarse, strained voice and a moment later he has let go of me again and puts a glass of water to my lips - a bit circuitous because I’m still lying on my side and he holds my head in a weird angle but I still drink gratefully.</p><p>With a double pat onto his arm I show him that I had enough and he lies me back down and puts the glass back onto the night table. Last but not least he grabs my hands and checks my wrists. I can see that around both my wrists and my knuckles is a slightly reddened line in the same pattern of the rope.</p><p>It doesn’t hurt when he touches it but he still puts some of the cream onto the red spots, rubs it into the skin carefully and does the same on the other hand.</p><p>In the time that he takes the heat leaves my body and I start to shiver involuntarily. My teeth start to clatter together as well.</p><p>With worry Renji looks down at me and as he sees the goose bumps on my body he seems to remember something else.</p><p>He is back onto his feet, gets to his closet and pulls out a blanket (I didn’t even know that he had another one) before he returns and starts to wrap me into it.</p><p>Without a word. Without saying anything. I say nothing as well, just try to catch his gaze to tell him without a sound. <em>Thanks. I love you.</em></p><p>But he doesn’t look at me, still lost in thoughts. Somehow… as if he would be afraid of- well, afraid of what?</p><p>I can barely move, he wrapped me up so thoroughly, but somehow I’m able to free a hand from the blanket and grasp for Renji as he wants to get up again.</p><p>"Stay." I ask him in a weak voice and finally he looks me into my face. <em>Thanks. I love you.</em> He doesn’t seem to understand (or maybe he’s too far away to understand) and so I turn my thoughts to words. "Thanks. I love you."</p><p>He bends down to me and presses a soft kiss to my forehead.</p><p>"Could you lie down behind me?" I whisper. "And hold me close?" He nods quickly and in another moment he’s behind me in the bed, both arms wrapped around my covered upper body and holding me against him.</p><p>I can feel his breath against my neck and grasp for his hand to hold it.</p><p>I would love to tell him so much. How hot the last hour was. How thankful I am for him to respect my wishes and that he showed me a world I didn’t know before. That I like him damn much and how glad I am that he’s here. That I would love to do it again sometime soon. I want to ask him if <em>he</em> is okay. How he’s feeling right now. But my body is tired and extremely exhausted and so I fall asleep.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t think I did sleep long, maybe an hour, two at the most (I don’t know the time I fell asleep) but the first thing I recognize as I come back to myself is Renji being very close to me and still holding me in his arms and then that he’s awake as well. Probably for the whole time that I was asleep.</p><p>I blink and turn towards him, the blanket still wrapped tightly around myself so that I started to sweat while sleeping.</p><p>With the backside of my hand I rub the sweat from my forehead and realize that my hand really is a bit numb.</p><p>I pulled Renji out of his thoughts with my movement and in the next moment he is halfway above me and presses his lips onto mine. Still drunken with sleep I answer it and look him into his dark eyes.</p><p>My fingertips run over his cheeks (making sure not to touch the bruise underneath his eye) and my gaze follows him as he lies down next to me.</p><p>"Are you okay?" I ask him and find my voice still a bit hoarse. "Sure, why’re you asking?" he answer with a grin and a voice that’s overly happy. I remember how he looked earlier, serious and worried and far away from this world and so I swallow and hit him over the head circuitously.</p><p>"Idiot." I whisper with a scowl. "I can see if something’s off with you. Since earlier. You’re thinking about something, so get it out."</p><p>He sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. "I think… You startled me a bit when you lied there like that. You looked so… exhausted and it remembered me about back then when I…" He turns away and stares at the pattern on the blanket that’s wrapped around me.</p><p>I inch closer to him and wrap my arms around him. Even though he’s wearing clothes his body is quite cold and I get out of the blanket and pull them over both of us.</p><p>"This time it was different." I tell him with a firm voice. "Really?" he asks. "Really." I answer.</p><p>"How?" I think that over. "I… don’t know. Everything was fine. I didn’t feel bad or weird or whatever. I had enough air. It was… <em>much</em>, but it was a good much."</p><p>"Hmm…" he answers, not really convinced. After a moment of silence I admit: "I would like to do it again." With disbelief he looks at me. "For real?" "Yeah. That bossy side of yours… I think I can get used to it. I mean - <em>inside</em> of the bed, not outside." I add before he could get any ideas. He starts to giggle slightly and moves his fingers over my naked body underneath the blanket.</p><p>I sigh blissfully but don’t close my eyes. "I didn’t even knew that one could come to orgasm when you get hit." I admit with a slight smile on my lips.</p><p>"Me neither." he answers. "I bet most people can’t. Only you." "You mean because you know my fighting style? The whole <em>the more you get hurt the more you get going</em>-thing?" He grins before nodding.</p><p>I snort and flick his nose. He rubs it with a protesting grunt.</p><p>"I’m afraid I’ll have to get home soon." I sigh and look out of the window where the sun has already started to set. "Hmm." Renji doesn’t sound happy about that fact as his gaze follows mine.</p><p>"Can you even walk?" he asks me with worry in his voice. I shrug. "I guess we’ll find out now, don’t you think?" He nods and gets up, climbs over me and out of bed before watching me critically as I mirror his movements.</p><p>For a moment I’m a bit dizzy as I move my legs over the edge of the bed and grip the still half full water glass on the night stand before finishing it.</p><p>Then I get up and am happy to say that I stand on both legs safely and that my ass doesn’t hurt all that much.</p><p>Renji seems just as relieved as I am that I don’t become unconscious or anything and as I move forward a few steps I can hear him pull in a breath.</p><p>"What?" I ask him, confused, but Renji just puts a hand onto my ass without saying a word. I flinch but Renjis hand moves a bit higher and comes to a rest on my lower back before he moves me to the mirror on the wall that goes from the floor until up to the ceiling.</p><p>He turns me around halfway for me to watch my behind in the mirror.</p><p>My cheeks turn red, about the same red as my ass I now realize (and yes, you <em>can</em> see his hand prints). I moan involuntarily and look at me, my ass, my muscular but small back and my face that looks a bit breathless.</p><p>I shudder as Renjis hand moves down and starts to run his fingers over the hand prints on my ass.</p><p>I can feel my cock twitch in an interested way and close my eyes quickly before taking a step forward.</p><p>Just as quickly Renji lets go of me. "Forgive me." he murmurs but I just snort. "Nonsense. I just don’t want to show up at home with a boner." A smirk crosses across my face and he answers it a moment later, though it seems to be quite gingerly.</p><p>I can see my clothes on the table where he left them earlier and I walk there to pull them one with cautious movements.</p><p>Renjis gaze is glued to my backside and I can feel the heat rise into my cheeks due to that.</p><p>It’s only when I got all of my clothes back on that I turn back towards him. "Shouldn’t you change too?" I ask with a nod towards his pants (or better said his underwear). "Yeah, right." he nods, clasps his hands against the outside of his thighs for a moment before he gets to his closet to get out new underwear and - while he’s at it - new pants.</p><p>Without any modesty he gets out of his pants and I let my gaze wander across his naked ass. For a moment I’m jealous of his wide, manly build but in the next moment I close in on him from behind and wrap my arms around him, look down at his cock that has still cum stuck to it and watch him take his dirty underwear and clean it off.</p><p>I lean my face against his strong shoulders and refuse to move as he moves downwards circuitously to get into fresh underwear.</p><p>I can feel his naked ass press into my covered manhood and a dull moan escapes me. Then he is up and standing again and pulls the boxer over his ass. I pull back a step so that he can finish changing.</p><p>"What else is in that bag?" I ask him, interested as my gaze falls upon it. He grins at me. "I won’t reveal that yet. That’s a surprise."</p><p>I shrug. "Whatever."</p><p>We stay silent for a moment before he offers: "Come on, I’ll take you home."</p><p>I nod and follow him into the small hallway. I just want to bend down to put on my shoes as Renji is already kneeling before me and pulls them on circuitously. I swallow, embarrassed but at the same time glad about not having to bend down.</p><p>"Thanks." I tell him and he winks at me. He even takes my school bag, then we leave his apartment.</p><p>We walk slowly and I’m glad that I can support myself with holding his hand.</p><p>We take longer than usual until we’re back and he tells me goodbye in front of the door where he finally returns my school bag that he carried the whole way. We talk quietly so that nobody can hear us and make up a date for Wednesday. For a movie. Renji wants to take me to the cinema.</p><p>That’s new but I agree to it happily. (He actually wanted to meet up with me tomorrow but since that’s the date of Keigos <em>surprise birthday party</em> he changed the date without hesitation.)</p><p>"And…" I add after he kissed me goodbye and already turned around to leave. "…can we repeat todays action?" When I asked him the first time he didn’t really say Yes or No. He examines me thoroughly and I’m close to throw a <em>Green</em> at him as he nods. "Sure. I’ll come up with something good. Let’s say… Friday? Or would you prefer Saturday?" I shake my head. "Friday sounds fine to me." He nods. "Friday it is." I can see the tension in his face (for the fact that <em>he</em> was the one to get me into BDSM he seems so much more nervous than I am. It doesn’t fit him).</p><p>I lean forward, his hands in mine and whisper into his ear: "Green." His facial muscles loosen up visibly and he gifts me with a grin. "Till Wednesday. I already miss you." "Me too." I answer while he pulls his hands out of mine and walks backwards a few steps before waving one last time and turning around.</p><p>I can see it in the way he walks that he would’ve loved to turn around, but he doesn’t.</p><p>I swallow and feel a tingling in my limbs. Anticipation for the weekend.</p><p>With a stupid grin plastered onto my face I open the main door and try my best to get my scowl back on.</p><p>"Welcome back, Ichi-nii." I hear Yuzu call out of the kitchen and even Karin doesn’t throw me a second glance. I don’t think I can fool Dad (especially since I’m sitting a bit weirdly on my chair during dinner). At least he doesn’t say anything about it.</p><p>But I do have the feeling that he’ll keep an eye on me in the near future. Whatever. I won’t give him a reason to believe that Renji could prove a danger to me. Since when is he watching over me like that anyways? He only ever does that with Yuzu and Karin.</p><p>Even though I slept longer today than all week before I’m extraordinarily tired as I make it back to my room (Yuzu insisted that we finish the rest of the cake first) and I only make the homework that we desperately need until tomorrow before going to bed, setting my alarm clock and looking for a comfortable position to sleep in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The week is packed with action and Friday comes up faster than I thought. Keigos surprise birthday party was… well, the usual. My friends were there (he even gets along with Uryuu enough to invite him too. Naturally he had said that he was only there because he had nothing better to do. Idiot).</p><p>Chad was there, Inoue made me another birthday cake and Keigo made Mizuiro decorate everything. Tatsuki watched him do it.</p><p>It was quite fun but my thoughts were with Renji and the things we had done (and will do again soon).</p><p>On Wednesday Renji is picking me up from school again. He pays for me at the cinema, first at the entrance (I choose the movie by the way. He manages and gets us into a chicks movie!), then he got us a giant pack of popcorn and an even bigger drink with two straws. (From where does he get all of that money? Not from the Soul Society, they use a different currency.)</p><p>We sit inside the cinema hall long before the movie starts and that’s when Renji gives me a present. "I totally forgot that this is a thing in the human world." he had said while rubbing his neck, embarrassed. I take it, surprised. I didn’t even notice that he didn’t give me a present and I didn’t expect him to either.</p><p>"Thanks." I answer, surprised. It’s so nicely wrapped up that I doubt Renji did it himself but it’s the thought that counts.</p><p>I unwrap it, followed by Renjis curious gaze (and the fear (and the plea) in them if (and that) I like it).</p><p>Out of the little package I pull… I blink and try to find out inside of the dark cinema hall what exactly he got me there. First I can see a few dice, not the usual ones but instead with more numbers, up to ten and twenty. They are nearly transparent and made out of colored plastic that glows in the dark.</p><p>Then I can see something that resembles a keychain. At least it’s what I think it is in the first few moments. With a closer look I realize that it’s one of those Anti-Rape-devices that many girls in my class own. I don’t quite now what Renji wants to tell me by giving me that but the design looks familiar. It’s a lion head that looks a lot like Kon with the usual pin on its backside.</p><p>I blink as I lift it into the air and let it swing in front of his face.</p><p>I’m still blinking, overwhelmed, when Renji begins to talk. "I found that stuff in a shop and thought you might like it. Looks a bit like your Mod Soul, doesn’t it?" My gaze wanders to the dice. "And those looked expensive but I got them for pretty much nothing at all."</p><p>I bite my tongue to keep myself from laughing out loud and go for a serious expression while I shove the Anti-Rape-device closer towards his face. "Do you have any idea what this is?" I ask him, still serious and can see his expression turn thoughtful while scowling. "Well, one of those things where you put your key onto?" His voice sounds questioning and he doesn’t seem so sure of himself for once (it look like he wants to hit himself for his choice of gift).</p><p>I bend forwards and whisper into his ear what the <em>keychain</em> actually is for and a moment later his face is burning up. I start to giggle.</p><p>"W-Well, you still have the jewels." I think it over if I should explain to him what a human world dice is but I don’t have the heart to do it in the end and just nod. "Thanks for your present." I tell him and put a kiss onto his cheek (we sit all the way back and the cinema hall ain’t that full - nobody sees us and even if someone would - I don’t care).</p><p>"Ah, don’t mention it." he answers and then the movie begins and I put my new acquisitions nondescriptly into my school bag while making sure of it that I don’t pull the pin by accident.</p><p>On Thursday I’m busy doing homework and to prepare myself mentally on whatever Renji wants to do with me.</p><p>As if she would suspect something Yuzu asks me if I’ll be gone on this weekend as well and I just nod for an answer.</p><p>Dad seems to be amused by it but he doesn’t say anything, not even later when I clean the dishes and get up to my room.</p><p>Restless I’m moving from side to side this evening, incapable of falling asleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>On the next day I barely make it through school, my thoughts with Renji and our next BDSM-sex.</p><p>Time moves slowly today and when the lessons finally end I’m the first one to flee from the class room. I hear Keigo shouting after me but I don’t even understand his words anymore.</p><p>Renji texted me early this morning and excused himself for not picking me up from school today and that I should come to his apartment right away.</p><p>As I arrive there I pull Renjis spare key (I put the Anti-Rape-Alarm-device onto it (of course without batteries)) out of my pocket and open the door.</p><p>I pull open the door and see Renji standing in the doorway to the main room, effectively blocking my view inside.</p><p>"Hi." he welcomes me with a lopsided grin while leaning casually against the door frame. "You’re early." he tells me and I want to throw at his head that I’m not earlier than usual.</p><p>"Do you have to go to the toilet or anything?" he tries to get rid of me and moves to the left side as I try to take a sneak peek into his room.</p><p>"I guess so." I finally give in. If Renji needs another moment then whatever, he can have it.</p><p>I put my school bag in its usual place, get out of my shoes and disappear into the bathroom with a nervous grin on my face. I close the door behind me and wash my hands.</p><p>Curtly I actually do take a stroll, wash my hands again and push my head underneath a cold stream of water to get rid of my nervousity.</p><p>I admit, it doesn’t really work like I want it too but at least I take so long that Renji is apparently done and knocks at the door.</p><p>"Ichigo?" "I’m done." I answer, dry my face at the towel hanging over the shower stall and open the door again.</p><p>"If you want to you can leave your clothes right here." he offers me, still standing inside the bathroom door so that I’m unable to look outside. "Okay?" I answer him, a bit insecure and take a step back into the bathroom again while just getting more curious about what he has in mind.</p><p>He watches me hungrily while I get out of my button-up and then the T-Shirt I wear below. With my back turned towards him I get out of my pants and briefs before pulling the socks from my feet. I can feel his gaze on my ass but that made it through last Monday just fine. It doesn’t hurt nor is it reddened or anything.</p><p>I lay down my stuff on the toilet (I don’t have it in me to put it there very neatly though) as Renji steps closer behind of me.</p><p>He puts his hands onto my upper arms and talks quietly close to my ear: "I’m going to tie you up again today, Ichigo." I can feel a shudder run down my back and bite my tongue to stop myself from moaning while I stop in the middle of my motion.</p><p>"But not anything simple like the last time, nope, I have… something special in mind." Followed by his last words he runs a finger across my entrance and I believe I actually <em>did</em> moan right there. I can feel my cock twitch.</p><p>I try to lean backwards, against him, but Renji keeps me at arms length without any problems.</p><p>"Color?" he whispers into my ear and I squeeze out a "Green!" "Okay, then follow me." He grabs my wrist and leads me into his room. My heart beats wildly inside of my chest but as he leads me inside there is nothing too special there, only a mat on the ground that looks like it’s made for Yoga exercises, just a bit thicker and about as wide as long.</p><p>I tilt my head but Renji answers before I can ask the question. "The bed is not good enough today." "And you hid this thing in your bag?" "Nope, just bought it yesterday."</p><p>He pulls at my wrist lightly and I follow him to the mat. As my naked feet step onto it I realize that it’s not really soft, but if gives underneath. Also it doesn’t have any pattern that would leave marks and I guess it’s made of rubber or something likewise.</p><p>I can see another bag now, smaller, standing next to the mat (and is it just my imagination or is the big bag in the corner less full today?)</p><p>I glance at it curiously but Renji tells me to sit down. He follows me down until we’re sitting across of each other cross-legged and he pulls the small bag closer and grabs inside.</p><p>At first he pulls out a tube of lube (a new one by the way even though we didn’t even finish off the other one), then a rope that’s quite a lot longer than the one we used on Monday, but black as well and then a rope just like that and then a third rope that has a way thinner width and that doesn’t seem so long as well. And again he gets his hand into the bag and pulls out two more ropes that look a lot like the first ones. I blink. What exactly does he want to do with me? He puts everything onto the mat next to him and I can feel my breath becoming heavier.</p><p>"Do you remember how unable to move you were when I tied you up?" I nod, still quite breathless, before I remember his unspoken rule (<em>"Answer properly."</em>) and say a quiet "Yes." even though I don’t even know if we already started the BDSM-thing or not.</p><p>I guess we did.</p><p>"This time I’m going to tie you up in a way that leaves you even more immobile - also, totally without using the bed, mind you."</p><p>I have to swallow around the lump in my throat but said lump stays were it is. "Color?" he asks me again and I answer - again - with "G-Green."</p><p>He nods satisfied, then his hand wanders back inside of the bag. "Additionally-" he starts and his hand stays inside the bag, fist clenched around whatever is still in there while he looks deeply into my eyes, so intense, that I couldn’t even look away if I tried and I feel goose bumps covering my skin.</p><p>"-I want you to have this one inside of you." My face heats up uncontrollably as he pulls out a dildo and even as I stare at that thing I feel my dick grow hard.</p><p>I look at it warily. I don’t think that I’ll have any problems taking it, it’s smaller than Renjis cock. It’s curved towards the tip and a bit flattened but I don’t get why just yet. It’s black like the ropes and - as it seems - made out of plastic.</p><p>"Is that okay with you?" I can hear Renjis voice now and all I manage is a thin "Yes."</p><p>"Good." he whispers and puts the dildo on top of the empty bag. "Does anything hurt from last time? Your ass, your wrists, anything?" he asks, caringly and I think it over for a moment, let my left wrist draw a few circles and make it into a fist, then I shake my head. "No."</p><p>"Good." he repeats and runs his sweaty hands over his pants unobtrusively. "Then kneel up." I follow his request. "Onto the tips of your toes too." Renji commands as I get into seiza right away. I pull myself up a bit more, into a crouch-like position, knees still on the mat but not in the Japanese way anymore.</p><p>"Just like that." he praises me. "Now spread your legs a bit further, that makes it easier." I follow his request again and for a moment I look down onto my erection before looking up at Renji again. "Now cross your hands behind your head." I do it and see his gaze eating me up. He doesn’t stay above me for much longer, instead he kneels next to me with the rope he is holding already folded halfway.</p><p>The rope scrapes roughly over my skin as he puts it around both thigh and shin. While he keeps going it dawns on me what he plans to do, then he already put both of the ropes ends through the loop on the other side and wraps it inversely around my leg again, about a hands width away from my crotch and in the middle of my shin.</p><p>I can feel the pressure of the rope pressing against my leg smoothly - not as tight as that it would stop the blood circulating but tight enough that I can feel it and that I won’t be able to move much as soon as he is done.</p><p>A shudder runs down my body and I can feel how my legs begin to shake slightly. I can also feel his hand above my knee, while he moves the rope around my thigh and shin again until he is back at the starting point. He grabs the piece of rope above the knot (that actually isn’t really a knot but it sure as hell works as one) and pulls both of the rope ends through it, still in synch before he parts both ends and lets them wander around the rope, one left, one right, before he makes a complicated looking knot on the inside of my bound leg.</p><p>He takes the next rope and does the same thing with my right leg. Once he has to stop to wrap an arm around my back as I start to loose my balance and sway dangerously but then he made it and my gaze wanders to the mirror on the wall.</p><p>Did he put the mat here on purpose? I stare at my reflection with the half opened lips, the red cheeks and the tears in the corner of my eyes with the wide pupils.</p><p>I swallow and look at the body of my reflection. I look good. I barely ever thought of myself in that way. I’m too skinny. There are scars crisscrossing over my body. I can’t understand how Renji likes my body. My gaze wanders over my small nipples, across my visible abs, down to my raised cock, the foreskin pulled back, glans red, a few veins on the side and underneath my dick.</p><p>Then my eyes wander to Renjis work and it’s only now that I realize that he kneels behind of me and watches me looking at myself. I can see him bend forward a bit, then he whispers: "You look damn hot, Ichigo."</p><p>"Hmm." I admit - a bit gingerly - and then I can feel (and see) his tongue on my ear and how his fingers move over the rope that keeps my legs tied individually.</p><p>His hand runs up towards my crotch, moves gently over my testicles and the base of my erection.</p><p>"Now lay down backwards. Don’t worry, I’ll help you." His fingers abandon my dick and instead he puts them onto my chest before he pushes me backwards into his direction. I can feel his second hand in between my shoulder blades to keep me from falling against him or to the ground.</p><p>For a moment I’m able to keep my balance but all of a sudden Renji is the only thing that keeps me from falling like a wet sack.</p><p>Then I’m sitting with spread legs on my ass, a moment later I’m lying on my back already and blink up at him. My legs stayed in their former position - bound together and spread - and I have to support myself on both sides of my body with my hands as so I’m not moving from side to side uncontrollably.</p><p>Renji sees the misery I’m in and climbs onto my left side before he changes the knot and the way the rope winds around my leg.</p><p>It still holds me in a tight grip and keeps me from moving, thigh pressed against calve but my leg is able to widen a bit more so that I’m lying there more sturdily.</p><p>While he gets up again his hand runs over mine, up my arm until my cheek where he leans forward to whisper against my lips: "What color, Ichigo?" "Green." I tell him with a surprisingly steady voice and lift my head with some effort to lock our lips together.</p><p>My eyes close and for a moment he answers the kiss and I even forget about the uncomfortable position I’m in. Then paradise ends and Renji grabs my hand and another rope.</p><p>I’m just thinking how he wants to make my arms immobile (he’s got nothing to bind me against and even if he would tie them together above my head I’d still be able to move them around effortlessly. I could even jerk off like this).</p><p>Again he takes the rope twofold and puts it around my wrist, pulls the loop through the rope that’s already wrapped around my wrist and ties a knot with the loop and the ends of the rope.</p><p>He pulls my hand down to the outer side of my calve and I lift my head to keep watching how he pulls the rope across my shin, up to my thigh and around it to the point where the rope keeps my leg tied up before he pulls the rope into the other direction, again up to my thigh and around my leg, once, twice. Then he makes a complicated looking knot with both this rope and the one around my leg before he leaves me be.</p><p>I didn’t move an inch before, now I try to move my arm (or at least my hand). My fingers move just fine - but they don’t get very far. Renji tied my hand to my leg in a very effective way and while my head sinks back onto the mat (my neck hurts from all the watching) Renji starts to tie my other hand to my other leg the same way. Then he gets up, runs the back of his hand over his forehead and looks down at me, with sparkling eyes, half open mouth and a very visible boner between his legs.</p><p>"Well, can you move?" he asks me provocatively and I try, I really try to roll from side to side or to the front.</p><p>It only works with massive effort and I give up soon enough, especially since I can’t move at all anymore and my arm dares to fall asleep as I land on my side in a weird way.</p><p>Renji bends forwards to move me onto my back again. "You see, you won’t be going anywhere. So you better stay down before you hurt yourself." This time his voice isn’t provoking but warning.</p><p>"Alright." I answer him, breathing heavily and he puts a hand onto my inner thigh with a smile on his face, not too far away from my entrance and my dick.</p><p>Still, the touch is more comforting than arousing. "Are you ready for the last piece?" he asks me I my eyes wander to the dildo on the other side, still lying on the bag, next to the lube and - what’s that last rope for? Then one with the thin width?</p><p>Renji follows my gaze. "One thing at a time." he reads my thoughts and grabs for the lube before squeezing an impressive amount onto his finger and running it in circles around my entrance which is twitching greedily. A dull moan escapes my lips and even though I want to watch this, want to see what he’s doing, my head sinks back onto the mat since the position is simply too uncomfortable.</p><p>So I just close my eyes halfway and enjoy the feeling of his probing finger as he moves it into me and lets it circle around deep inside of me.</p><p>At least I don’t have to beg him for anything and he isn’t that awfully slow like the last time. He just widens me skillfully, pushes a second finger into me and pulls them apart in a scissor-like motion.</p><p>Again it feels incredibly intense, just like the last time because my inside seems to be smaller and and doesn’t want to stretch properly, maybe because my legs are pulled apart like that.</p><p>I swallow and start to pant. Just a moment later I can feel Renjis warm hand on top of mine, this time close to my hip. "Color?" he asks and I stutter: "G-Green." "You sure?" he whispers, all of a sudden much closer to my face so that my eyes widen abruptly. "Yes." I nod hastily and force myself to lift my head to kiss him.</p><p>My lips try to catch his but he already pulls back with a sassy grin.</p><p>At the same time I realize that the muscles in my ass pull together tightly when I lift my head and I sink back, breathing heavily.</p><p>For a moment Renjis fingertips run across my erection, gather a drop of pre-cum on my glans and smear it across my lips.</p><p>Greedily I lick it up while Renji pops open the lid of the lube again and puts a generous amount onto the place where his fingers meet up with my body.</p><p>A few times he thrusts them into me lightly to spread the sticky liquid inside of me, then he pulls them back and cleans his fingers on his pants. (If it ends like last Monday he’ll need a new one afterwards anyways so whatever).</p><p>He grabs the dildo and I can feel my vision blur thanks to the upcoming tears of lust. I blink a few times but as soon as I’m able to see again properly he already covered the thing with a thick cover of lube and the black plastic shines in the incoming sunlight.</p><p>"So, ready for this pal here?" Renji asks me and his voice seems at least two octaves deeper than usual. "Yes." I answer, my voice just as much higher as usual.</p><p>He closes in on me, wraps his arm that’s not holding the dildo around my right leg and pulls me up a bit.</p><p>I can feel my ass lift into the air and how he pushes his knee underneath it and after a bit of moving around both of my ass cheeks lie on top of his knees.</p><p>The new position doesn’t hurt but it is a bit weird and uncomfortable with my ass up in the air and my knees in my field of vision.</p><p>My eyes move between Renjis face and the dildo. Renjis thumb runs over my twitching entrance. "Watch it." he commands me with an aroused voice and puts the dildo to my entrance.</p><p>I can feel the cold tip press against it and for a moment nothing happens at all, then my ass opens up abruptly and I can feel how it pushes into me.</p><p>A deep moan escapes my throat and I can’t watch him anymore either, instead I throw my head back.</p><p>My legs shake and my breath is fast. "Just a bit more. Hang in there!" he tries to calm me down and my gaze stays locked to the ceiling above me while he pushes the fake penis deeper, slowly but unceasingly.</p><p>It feels… weird. Too cold. Somehow… too soft and at the same time too hard. At least the thing moves problem-freely and doesn’t hurt. The opposite actually. It’s somehow not enough.</p><p>A flood of "Haaah!"s escapes my lips and then I can feel the flattened end of the dildo against my ass. It’s all the way inside - and presses right against my prostate.</p><p>Speechless my lips move without making any sounds and I can feel how my dick looses a few drops of pre-cum. My hands twitch and my breath stops for a moment.</p><p>"You can feel it, hmm?" he asks me with a strained voice and the only answer he gets is a moan.</p><p>He presses his hand gently against the end of the dildo and starts some sort of kneading motion. With every movement <em>it</em> moves inside of me and another surge of moans comes out of me while my head - the only thing still able to move - moves from side to side.</p><p>I can hear a moan but I need a moment to realize that it comes from Renji, not me.</p><p>He grabs underneath me, takes a hold of my ass and pulls his knees back carefully before lying me back onto the floor.</p><p>The toy seems to move - not much, just a little bit and now it presses differently against my prostate. <em>Better</em>.</p><p>With a dull scream a bit of cum dribbles over my stomach but a moment later the dildo slides out of me a little bit, maybe just an inch or two but I want to have it back, as deep as before.</p><p>With all the power I can muster I lift my head to send a begging gaze to Renji since I’m incapable to form any words right now.</p><p>His opened lips are a bit red and swollen and his eyes pitch black. A weirdly placed grin moves across his face and he grabs the last rope. "What do you think I’ll need that one for?" he asks me but my brain is still unable to come up with any coherent thought and so I just shake my head slowly.</p><p>With one hand he holds the rope up higher, with his pointer finger he pushes the toy back into me. A moment later I understand and my cock looses some more pre-cum while my head sinks back with a whimper.</p><p>Again he takes the rope twofold and puts it underneath me with the loop close to my hipbone while the ends of the rope are in the crack of my ass. He pulls the loop towards himself and I can feel the raw rope run over my crack.</p><p>Now the loop is right at my entrance, there where Renjis finger still holds the dildo inside of me (and where the thing keeps pressing against my prostate).</p><p>He pulls the ends of the rope through the loop and puts the first around my other leg so that the whole thing looks a bit like a crippled eight if watched from another perspective.</p><p>Now the second part of the rope spreads my ass cheeks some further and he begins to tie a knot as he is back at my entrance. Said knot sits right against my entrance and - at least from my point of view - also very tight.</p><p>That’s when he stands up. Up to now I thought that he would still hold the dildo inside - well, as I find out now it’s the rope doing it.</p><p>That last bondage-thing would certainly move around if I could move my legs - well, Renji damned them into motionlessness beforehand.</p><p>I try not to move too much (or at all). Every twitch of my limbs and every circling motion  of my hips makes the plastic penis inside of me rub against my prostate and it’s both heaven and hell at the same time.</p><p>I already gave up at counting the sounds I’m making (or to stop them at all) but Renji seems just fine with that.</p><p>"Don’t move. Like, at all." he tells me unnecessarily before he turns and walks out of my field of vision. He returns just moments later, a small camera in his hand, one of the new, digital ones that don’t need a film anymore.</p><p>I throw him a strained look and hear the shutter go. Is he taking pictures of me? I don’t know if it’s even possible but my cheeks turn an even darker red. He bends down towards my ass. <em>Click</em>. A moment later he’s above me, behind my head. <em>Click</em>. A few more times the shutter goes, then he leans over me. "Ichigo? Can you hear me?" I nod and squeeze out something  close to a "Yes.".</p><p>"I’ll just get out of the room for a second but I’ll be right back, okay?" I nod again, not taking my eyes from his. "Okay." I whisper, already exhausted, but with a thin smile on my lips. "Okay." he repeats and he leans down to press a kiss to my forehead.</p><p>Then he gets up and I follow him with my gaze as he turns around the corner and walks out of the room.</p><p>Does he take the camera into the kitchen? But why? Or the <em>bathroom</em>?</p><p>I try not to think it over too much and put my head back down, close my eyes and try to breathe as deep and slow as possible but every little movement, wanted or not, makes the toy move inside of me and my breath quickens again, sometimes followed by a dull moan.</p><p>I want to come. It’s too hot. I blink and look around. Renji is still not back?</p><p>Well, I don’t think that that much time has passed but didn’t he say that he’d be right back? I swallow around a thick lump in my throat.</p><p>Even though I didn’t listen if I could hear anything from another room I’m quite sure that there was silence. Did Renji hit his toe against the closet again? Or did he slip on the floor and fell?</p><p>Woe unto him! I can’t move an inch right now. My breath quickens again. Didn’t I once hear that you should never ever ever let tied up people alone? </p><p>"Renji!" I try to call for him, but his name just leaves my mouth with another moan. My ass feels too damn empty, toy be damned. I want more. Renji. I want Renji!</p><p>I wiggle my butt around and moan again, my hips try to lift up and I try my damnest to stretch but soon enough my back feels like it’s going to break apart any minute.</p><p>The knot in the rope rubs against the sensitive skin of my entrance and I gasp miserably.</p><p>My hips are still moving. It should move. It should take me. <em>Renji</em> should!</p><p>Something like a sob leaves my slack mouth while my hips continue to move into nothingness since I’m lying down again.</p><p>"Renji… Renji please. It hurts… It’s not enough… Renji… Renji." I whisper with a hoarse voice, close to tears and again I look around but he’s not there, still not and it has been five minutes <span class="u">at</span> <em>least</em>.</p><p>I try to lift my head to take a glance at the main hall but I’m at a totally wrong angle. Instead I can see my reflection in the mirror, face covered in tears, saliva and sweat, my shamelessly spread legs and the knot in the rope that’s keeping the toy inside my widened entrance.</p><p>"Oh Kami!" I gasp and my body starts to twitch violently, to fight the bonds and to try to get the toy deeper. Gasping I realize that cum dribbles over my stomach.</p><p>"Renji, please, <em>please</em>, come back! Touch me, please, please, <em>please</em>! Yellow… Yellow! Renji…" I start to babble again and another sob leaves my throat.</p><p>I’m taking a deep breath to keep on begging (there’s not really another word for it) when I feel a hand on my chest.</p><p>I blink. I have to imagine it. There is nothing. A gust of wind runs through my hair and I can feel pressure on my open lips and something wet sliding over them.</p><p>A scream escapes me and I try to snatch my head into the air but an invisible weight in form of a hand on my forehead pushes me back.</p><p>"Renji?" I murmur in unbelief but barely hear myself.</p><p>Something is there, right next to and above me. Someone? <em>Renji</em>? Impossible… Did he… change to his soul body? Then I can’t see him! That would explain it. Then he really was right back, watched over me, watched <em>me</em>… Saw… how I begged… and…</p><p>Another gust of wind runs across my cheek and the pressure on my lips is back.</p><p>Greedily I kiss back into nothingness, still mumbling "Renji" again and again, incredibly relieved and at the same time going crazy. It’s so weird. Sick.</p><p>Something touches my right nipple, then my upper arm. I gasp. Where is he going to touch me next?</p><p>My head is stumbling through all the possibilities, all the things that he can do with me (and to me).</p><p>I feel the pressure leaving my lips and panic rises in me. I nearly stumble over the words when I beg him: "Stay! Don’t go, please, please!"</p><p>A moment later the pressure is back and I stick out my tongue to feel something like an invisible wall, run my tongue greedily against it, eyes half closed and then fully since it’s not that weird anymore like this.</p><p>Again a touch, on my stomach this time, a caress that runs deeper until it seems to wrap around my dick.</p><p>"Haah, Renji!" I moan and I’m quite sure that I can feel the tip of his finger on my glans, directly on the little slit that’s still leaking cum, then his finger runs deeper, down my cock first, over my testicles until the point where the knot keeps the dildo inside of me.</p><p>I feel him pull said knot to the side and all of a sudden the toy moves. A drawn out moan escapes my lips, my breath flutters for a moment, together with the beat of my heart.</p><p>Something wraps around my shoulders and holds me, then the toy is pulled out, pushed into me again, first a bit gingerly, then faster, harder, until the plastic hits my prostate close to too hard.</p><p>Dark sounds escape my throat while my hips try to move closer to the sensation and can’t.</p><p>I can’t stand it for one more minute before I come to orgasm with a scream. At the same time the toy is pressed back into me and against my prostate until my cock is only able to twitch tiredly and my voice is hoarser than ever. "Stop." I croak. "Enough. Too much." I’m not even done with vocalizing those words before the toy is gone, now on the mat next to me.</p><p>I can feel a gust of wind on my cheek when something moves across it, then a real whirlwind as Renji supposedly jumps up to leave the room in a flight (at least I can hear the usual thumb as he hits his toe on the closet in the hallway), then a few silent seconds pass before Renji runs back into the room. Renji whom I can see.</p><p>I met Renji in his soul body and most of the time I only saw him in said body but right now I’m really fucking glad about the fact that he changed back to his gigai.</p><p>"Renji." I croak and then he’s next to me, runs his hands over my cheek in breathless silence, kisses my lips, the tip of my nose and then my lips again while hanging over my upper body heavily.</p><p>"Damn you’re so fucking hot. If you were only able to see yourself… Are you okay, Ichigo?" he gasps out heavily and the fact alone that I’m able to hear his voice calms me down.</p><p>"Hmm." I nod, still breathless and - to be honest - a bit exhausted.</p><p>"Should I loosen the ropes? Is it too much? Or… can you go for a bit longer?" he asks me and I laugh breathlessly. My body is sorta stiff in a way. Every touch is too much in a way. "I can keep going." I whisper. His voice alone told me that he didn’t come down his pants this time.</p><p>"Do you trust me?" he asks me, while holding my face in his hands. I snort. "Would I be here elsewhere?" I answer with a counter question before actually answering with a soft "Yes." as Renjis expression becomes urgent.</p><p>"Okay." he nods, still out of breath, looks behind himself and frees my right hand with three quick movements from my leg to pull it up until it lays next to my head.</p><p>I blink, surprised but while my head jerks upwards to give my hand a curious gaze Renji pulls down his own pants and briefs before kneeling over my chest. He pulls down to kiss my lips again.</p><p>His left hand finds mine and locks our fingers.</p><p>"You won't be able to talk if it’ll be too much. Just squeeze my hand if that happens, okay?"</p><p>I guess I know what he plans. A little bit excited I nod and squeeze his fingers tentatively. "Good." he nods. "Just close your eyes if it makes it easier for you. And don’t you dare hesitate to stop it if it’s too much."</p><p>I nod again and actually do close my eyes. "Open your mouth." he whispers and I can feel a finger underneath my chin.</p><p>Obediently I open my mouth and feel Renji squeeze <em>my</em> fingers now, then the heavy smell of his erection penetrates my nose. A moment later his glans rubs across my widened lips and I pull out my tongue towards him, run it slowly over the wet head and moan. The sound echoes back from above me, then I can feel Renjis free hand in my hair and how his dick slides a bit into my open mouth.</p><p>Quickly I breath through my nose, but Renji isn’t moving, instead I can hear him talk in a strained voice: "Form your lips more to an 'O' - yeah, that’s it. Oh damn!"</p><p>I can taste his pre-cum on my tongue and do my best to swallow it down with the saliva in my mouth. I can feel Renji shudder thanks to my swallowing motion and how he is now the one to squeeze my fingers.</p><p>For a few moments nothing happens at all and as I open my eyes to look up at him I can see that his eyes are tightly shut and how he breathes in and out really slow.</p><p>Fascinated my gaze stays on him and all of a sudden he’s back in the here and now and looks down at me. "Shit, if I would only have the camera around." I can hear him whisper while his free hand runs over my full cheek and then over my lips.</p><p>"I’m going to move a bit now. Is that okay with you? Squeeze my hand if you are." I squeeze his hand.</p><p>It’s by far not the first time that I make him cum via blow job but I barely got the experience that Renji has. This position is totally new and when Renji starts slowly to move - his hand back in my hair now - I have to fight my gag reflex. I guess I must have squeezed his hand while doing it, because a moment later his glans is back at my lips instead of inside of my mouth and he bends downwards a bit. "You okay?" I nod hastily, with tears in my eyes and use the moment to calm down my throat and take in a deep breath of air.</p><p>"Try to breathe out when I thrust into you, okay? That makes it easier." I nod my agreement but Renji still waits for another moment before he runs his hand through my hair and pushes back into my mouth carefully. I try to follow his advice and breathe out as hard as I can. It’s still an uncomfortable feeling as his cock drags over my tongue until it nearly meet its end but the gag reflex doesn’t come up again.</p><p>Carefully he pulls back again and continues the motion. "Stay relaxed. Just like this. As soon as you panic it’s going to be impossible to breath. Oooh, Ichigo, your mouth feels so good."</p><p>Again I look up at him, making sure that my breath stays calm and even and to keep it in the pattern of Renjis movements.</p><p>I breathe out deeply as his cock moves deeper into my mouth (and is it just my imagination or is that thrust a little bit further than the one before?)</p><p>That thought makes my breath quicken and a moment later something contracts inside my throat and I crush Renjis fingers.</p><p>Hastily he pulls back and lifts my head a bit as I start to cough and gag.</p><p>"Forgive me. It’s too much, I guess we rather leave it be." I shake my head no, still not in the position to speak." "No, I can do it!" I finally croak and let my fingers run over his.</p><p>"I guess you’re missing experience. You can’t take me in as far as I thought you could." he explains with shamefully reddened cheeks.</p><p>"Let me try again." I beg him and he looks down at me with something like awe in his eyes. "Okay." he whispers with a hoarse voice, pulls down to me (I can’t even think about the way he bends, it looks like he’s going to break in two any moment now) and kisses me intensely.</p><p>"Okay, one more time." he tries to talk some bravery into us and I nod, feel his hand in my hair and then his erection at my lips and when I open them inside of my mouth.</p><p>Slowly he slides into me (I don’t even want to think about how much self control he has to pull up to not thrust into me wildly) and then out again and since I know this time that he gets deeper and deeper every time the knowledge lets me stay away from panic.</p><p>It’s less that I want to prove him wrong about saying that I’m not experienced enough and that we should leave it be for today, no, I want to give him back some of what he gives me all the time.</p><p>I can hit his glans hit against the end of my throat lightly and before my body can react to it he already pulled back, though not all the way this time. My throat works a bit, but there’s no gagging.</p><p>"You’re… incredible." I can hear his voice from above me and as I blink up at him I can see him looking down at me lovingly. (I admit, all of that love is buried underneath a giant mountain of arousal but I can feel a warm feeling rush through my limbs - well, figuratively spoken since my legs do feel a bit numb right now.)</p><p>Again the head of his dick touches the end of my mouth and stays there for a moment (I can hear Renji moan darkly and his cock twitch) before he pulls back a bit.</p><p>I myself become bolder, press my tongue against the underside of his erection when he thrusts into me and run the tip of my tongue over his glans when he pulls back.</p><p>Soon enough this takes away my breath though and I have to squeeze his fingers again. This time he stays silent. I guess he understood. He pulls back but stays half an inch away from my half opened lips while I calm my breath again.</p><p>"That right now." he starts and clears his throat since his voice shakes. "You don’t have to do that, that’s only exhausting." He giggles a bit and caresses my cheek. "Trust me, to be that deep inside of you is hot enough, I don’t need more."</p><p>"Okay." I whisper quietly and lift my head to press a kiss against his glans." "Ready?" he asks and I nod and open my mouth willingly.</p><p>The gaze he throws at me nearly makes me melt and I nearly forget my breathing as he thrusts back into me.</p><p>His movements stay slow but I can feel him getting closer to orgasm; The way his tattooed eyebrows draw together, how his gaze looses focus and his breath quickens and the grip on my hand and my hair tightens.</p><p>A moment later he is so deep inside of me that I can feel his testicles at my chin. He groans above me and his thighs shake and while he breathes a shaky "I’m sorry!" his hips stutter into me, once, twice and I can feel him come down my throat. Literally.</p><p>My fingers squeeze his and there are tears dripping from the corner of my eyes but his cock already looses in seize and hardness before he has even pulled out entirely.<br/> <br/>"Oh fuck." he moans with a dark voice and moves backwards before his forehead sinks down onto the mat next to my head. I can feel his heavy breath and run my thumb over his palm, eyes closed to regulate my own breathing.</p><p>I didn’t even taste anything from the bitter cum before swallowing it.</p><p>Heavily Renji gets up. "Come on, let’s get you out of all that." he suggests, still a bit shaky and not as focused as usual.</p><p>I just nod and let go of Renjis hand to move it to the back of his head. I pull him down and press our lips together. He answers the kiss, still a bit unfocused but getting back to his usual strength with each passing second and breaks the kiss.</p><p>My right hand is still inside the loop of the rope (and I didn’t even recognize it until now) and he pulls it off entirely, rubs with both of his thumbs gently over the imprints before he releases my other hand from my leg before treating the imprints in the same way as with my other hand. Carefully he lays it down next to my head.</p><p>Then he pulls off the rope with the thin width that he loosened already when he pulled out the toy and that just dangles around my thighs uselessly now.</p><p>He takes my right leg, gets behind it and pushes it a bit into the direction of my chest so that my foot presses into the middle of his chest.</p><p>That’s when he keeps my leg right there before he unties the knot and starts to unwrap the rope. I can feel the muscles in my leg tremble violently and Renji doesn’t even let go of it as the rope sinks to the mat disregarded.</p><p>It feels weird. As if it would still be tied up and when Renji starts to move both of his hands over the pressure points and to massage my leg it starts to tingle awfully. I flinch when the tingle becomes a sting and bite my reddened and quite swollen bottom lip when Renji stretches my leg slowly, not fully, but far enough for it to hurt. Then he puts my angled leg with my sole of the foot downwards back onto the mat.</p><p>"Try to leave it that way." he advises me and even though it shakes badly I do my best while Renji repeats the same procedure on my left leg.</p><p>Somewhere in the last few minutes my lower arm moved across my closed eyes while I try to take deep breaths.</p><p>Renji crawls next to me (I can feel the mat dip next to me) and takes my hand into his, the one that lied next to my head motionless until now, right there where Renji has put it. "Are you okay?" he asks me with a quiet voice and I just shrug weakly.</p><p>Tears run out of the corners of my eyes and down to my ears. My legs still shake violently.</p><p>A bit lost Renji moves his hand through my hair, about as speechless as I am.</p><p>"Ichigo…" he tries gingerly, laying one hand onto my chest while he tries to pull my arm away from my face with the other but I just shake my head and press my lower arm against my eyes stubbornly.</p><p>Renji has to use something close to violence to pull my arm away and as I try to hit him with my other hand he grabs them both and presses them against my chest.</p><p>During all of that fighting my leg fell to the side and a dull shout escapes my lips as the change of position leaves my leg throbbing. It twitches a few times.</p><p>"I’m a fucking weakling." I squeeze through clenched teeth and Renji, who kept my fists immobilized a moment ago nearly lets go of them, that’s how surprised he is by my words. "Nonsense!" he answers, his voice a bit too loud.</p><p>I’m not fighting him anymore. "Look at me." I answer bitterly. "I’m not even able to fight a stupid gigai. Incapable of defending myself. Always waiting for help from the outside."</p><p>I didn’t look at him while saying it, I just stare at the ceiling and even though my words probably confused him first and hurt him afterwards he seems - in opposite of me - still present enough to understand what I’m talking about. That I don’t mean this situation but my whole fucking life right now (with all the lost shinigami powers and so on).</p><p>He stays silent, doesn’t say stupid things like<em> "You know that’s not true." </em>or<em> "You are incredibly strong."</em> or whatever else that wouldn’t lift my mood now nor yesterday nor tomorrow.</p><p>Instead he presses his lips to my forehead and lifts me up bridal style at the same time. He carries me to his bed and lies me down onto it carefully, his lips still on my forehead before he kneels next to the bed and presses his forehead against the blanket right next to my face.</p><p>He doesn’t look at me and his voice is barely more than a whisper when he starts to talk, grim and with a willpower that I’m missing right now. "Then let me take care of you." (Wasn’t it the other way around ever since I met you?) "I’ve got enough strength for the both of us." (Then why did you always loose when we fought?) "I won’t ever let anyone or anything hurt you." (And who saves me from <em>yourself</em> when you take some more spontaneous vacations in the Soul Society?)</p><p>No word leaves my lips and even though a part of me is glad about his words the rest of me wants to run away.</p><p>I don’t get that far. While I move my head into his direction sleep overcomes me that pushed down on my eye lids since a bunch of minutes now and I just fall asleep like that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When I come back to my senses I’m lying in Renjis bed, still naked but covered with the same blanket he wrapped me in on Monday. Probably because he was afraid to wake me up if he would pull out the normal blanket from underneath my body.</p><p>I’m lying on my side and even though I expected my leg to hurt (it doesn’t matter which one - if one of my legs falls asleep and I lie down it hurts, it doesn’t matter on which side I’m turning) but that’s not the case. I can see the same cream on my wrists that he used on my ass the last time and as I move a bit I realize that Renji cleaned my body again.</p><p>I sigh quietly, nearly soundlessly before closing my eyes, still drunk with sleep - just to rip them open again a moment later. Where exactly <em>is</em> Renji?</p><p>My gaze wanders through his room. He is not here. I look behind me. He’s not lying behind me either.</p><p>Quiet steps can be heard and I close my eyes again and play the dead man (why do I do that?). Someone walks in, Renji supposedly (who else?) and comes to a halt at the window next to the mirror.</p><p>Carefully I half open my eye and then the other one and watch him.</p><p>He has changed clothes and stares out of the window, arms crossed before his chest and with an unfocused look. I glance at his alarm clock. Early evening.</p><p>In the short time that I have been sleeping Renji seems to have changed. What did I say to him? What did I do? I don’t really remember it.</p><p>I want to stretch out my arm to him, to call for him, but I don’t dare to rip him out of his sorrow. Or his thoughts. His anger - whatever it is. His profile is blank, I can’t read in it.</p><p>"Ichigo." his voice can be heard suddenly and it’s only then that I realize that he’s looking at me. I flinch, surprised by his call and for a moment I can see into his face, the worried expression in his eyes, then he is next to me. A bit gingerly. As if he would fear that I would send him away.</p><p>He kneels next to the bed (it awakens a memory, one from earlier. How he tried to talk some courage into me, how he… gave me a promise. How I thought things that would’ve hurt him if I would’ve said them, how I thought… things… no. <em>Spoken</em>. I… actually said them. An ice cold shudder runs down my back. I didn’t want that. I didn’t! Oh no, Renji!) and before he can say anything I stretch out my arms towards him, wrap them around his head and pull him down onto my chest.</p><p>He doesn’t move but he’s holding his breath, I can both hear and feel it. I swallow a few times and my mouth opens and closes but I don’t know what to say.</p><p>In a weird contortion I hide my face in his hair.</p><p>"I’m so sorry." I start and then the words come from alone. "I didn’t mean it and I don’t even know why I said all of that crap. I love you, I… n-need you and I don’t want, like ever, under any circumstances, for you to leave." And then, incredibly quietly. "Please, don’t go."</p><p>Somewhere during my speech Renjis shoulders started to shake but as he lifts his head his eyes are dry and there is a smile on his lips.</p><p>I feel his fingers in my hair, on my cheek but as I look closer his smile is strained and doesn’t reach his eyes.</p><p>He looks incredibly tired - as if the BDSM exhausts him more than me.</p><p>And maybe it does! Oh Renji…</p><p>I sit up circuitously, grab him by the shoulders and pull him to me onto the bed. It’s a bit uncomfortable to sit on my calves but I stay silent while pulling Renji against me.</p><p>His own arms wander underneath my arm pits and pull me against him just the same.</p><p>Gingerly I rock us to and fro while caressing his hair, his forehead pressed against my shoulder.</p><p>He pulls me harder against him, so hard that I feel like he wants to crush me. I let him do it. The blame is on me.</p><p>Sometimes I have those moments when I’m lying in my bed and stare at the ceiling or when I wake from a nightmare that’s mostly about Aizen and then I’m thinking all of those things. That I’m useless. Weak. Incapable.</p><p>Most of the times I put those thoughts into a corner of my brain that I barely ever use and act as if I’m happy to be <em>normal</em> again.</p><p>I don’t have any nightmares anymore since sleeping in one bed with Renji.</p><p>His presence alone calms me down.</p><p>I would love to tell him all of that but I don’t find any words for it. Wet drips land on my shoulders and I press him harder against me.</p><p>What did I do? <em>What the hell have I done?</em> I swallow, incapable to do more but press him against me and sway us to and fro.</p><p>"It… It was too much." he starts all of a sudden, his voice weirdly hoarse and broken. "We… should just leave it be."</p><p>My body becomes stiff.</p><p>Since when is Renji that… intimidated and gingerly? <em>Since</em>, I answer my own question, <em>he came back from the Soul Society</em>. He didn’t really think it over much and I guess I must have shocked him quite a bit with the way I greeted him. Literally a punch to the face. Since then he thinks everything over double and thrice. I remember the day in the cinema when he was himself again. All of those self-doubts have to be his demons like mine are being too weak.</p><p>I hope that I don’t make anything worse but I hit him over the head. "Idiot." I mumble. "Since when do you turn tail and run when it becomes a bit complicated?"</p><p>That makes him laugh shakily. Maybe we both became way too sentimental in this one week.</p><p>I push him away from me so that he falls backwards from the bed and while he still looks up at me in surprise and shock I jump at him with a battle cry and press my lower arm against his throat.</p><p>He gasps first, then his fingers wrap around my lower arm in a death grip, the other one grabs a handful of my hair, he pulls his knees underneath his body and catapults me over his head. Now I’m the one landing on my back and while I’m still breathing hard Renji tries to hit me with the flat of his hand. Hastily I roll out of the danger zone, get onto my knees - just like him - and then onto my legs. I’m a bit dizzy but I ignore this feeling, lower my head and run towards him, ram my shoulder into his stomach and he lands back onto the bed, holding his ribs.</p><p>A moment later I’m on top of him again and slap him into the face, hard. At the same time I try to grip his arm to get him into a submission hold.</p><p>He got me figured out though - he turns his arm that I want to grip, moves it underneath my own arm and rolls away from underneath me. Then I’m face first into the mattress, arm twisted and stretched behind me.</p><p>We’re both panting harshly but when I turn my gaze towards him his eyes are sparkling and the sorrow from earlier is forgotten. I lift my leg and press it against his chest to push him away from me but Renji is strong enough to keep me at bay and so I lunge out and ram my heel into the middle of his chest, missing his solar plexus on purpose (I want to wrestle with him, not hurt him seriously).</p><p>He lets go of my hand when he falls from the bed (lucky me, otherwise he would’ve hurt <em>me</em> seriously) and I shake my arm to get the numb feeling out of it before turning around to jump him again.</p><p>He himself is halfway to his feet as well though and my nose hits his forehead.</p><p>Our wrestling ends abruptly as a thin trail of blood starts to drip out of my nose and the expression on Renjis face becomes shocked. I ignore my bleeding nose for now (it doesn’t even hurt, it’s just a bit numb) and jump at him while wrapping both my arms and legs around his upper body.</p><p>My plan was to make him fall but he just stumbles a bit before regaining his footing again.</p><p>"You are strong." I tell him, breathing heavily. "And you are stubborn." he answers me, an arm wrapped around my lower back so that I won’t fall.</p><p>With the thumb of his free hand he gets rid of the blood underneath my nose carefully but I just push it away and press my lips against his.</p><p>"Does something hurt?" he asks against my lips and I snort. "Yup. My pride. That was a damn good hit." The kiss doesn’t continue for much longer since he starts to laugh (exempted if you’d ask me) and he puts me back first onto the bed, since he’s incapable to hold his balance any longer.</p><p>I keep holding on to him and he lies down on top of me, starts to kiss me and I return it.</p><p>It feels too damn good. A bit like the old Renji is back. The one that used to force me to watch porn. The one that acted like he was better than anyone else. The one that trusts me. I halt.</p><p>Is that the problem? Doesn’t he trust me anymore? Does he think that I wouldn’t tell him if it would be too much? Does he think that <em>I’m</em> the one not trusting him anymore?</p><p>I have to talk about it, <em>have</em> to ask him, but I don’t want to destroy the peace we’re in right now.</p><p>All of a sudden my world turns and I’m lying on Renjis muscular chest, one of his hands in my neck, the other one wrapped around my waist.</p><p>He puts a kiss to my temple cautiously.</p><p>"Are you okay?" he asks me and I sigh silently. Now or never. I put my chin onto his chest and look up at him.</p><p>"Do you trust me?" I ask him in a serious voice. He blinks. "Hmm?" he asks, supposedly surprised by my question, "Do you trust me?" I repeat. "O-Of course!" he answers, sounding a bit outraged, but something in his voice sounds… <em>wrong</em>.</p><p>He lowers his gaze. "Why are you asking something like that?"</p><p>"Because… to me it looks as if you wouldn’t trust me anymore." He tilts his head. He doesn’t look like he understands what I’m talking about and I repeat my apprehensions. "I think that you don’t trust me to tell you if it’s too much for me. And that you think that I don’t trust <em>you</em>. But that’s wrong. Completely wrong."</p><p>He seems to think it over for a moment. I guess I hit the check pot without him knowing it himself.</p><p>He looks down as his gaze wanders off.</p><p>"Remember our first encounter?" He just nods silently. "We were enemies. And I defeated you - well, something like that. And our second encounter - that’s when I really defeated you. Somewhere between then and the next time we saw each other you must have started to believe in me. To… trust me, more or less."</p><p>He shakes his head. "That happened way earlier." he admits with thin voice. "During our second fight actually."</p><p>I look up at him, my facial expression somewhere between excited and glad and nervous.</p><p>"I know, I’m not a shinigami anymore. I’m not as strong anymore, but… do you think that you could still trust me?" I ask him, hopeful.</p><p>Are those tears in the corner of his eyes? I don’t think I’ll ever find out since he presses me closer against him, his arms wrapped around me tightly.</p><p>"I’m sorry I ever stopped." he whispers and a small, happy sound escapes me.</p><p>I wrap my arms around him as well and then everything is happening too fast. Before he can react I take off his slipped shirt halfway before halting. I take it double and pull it over his eyes before tying a knot into in so that he doesn’t see anything anymore before bending down to kiss him.</p><p>"Hey." he mutters against my lips and his arms flail around uncoordinated to get rid of the fabric. I just grip his hands in turns and press them back onto the bed while holding him down with my body weight and trying to get rid of his pants.</p><p>"Leave it there." I order, talking about the makeshift blindfold.</p><p>He’s halfway hard already and I just have to run my hand up and down his cock for a few times (he moans deeply while I do that) until it reaches towards me.</p><p>I gather some of the pre-cum and ram my fingers into my ass unabashedly. It’s still a bit widened from the dildo sex earlier. I bite my tongue to stop myself from making any noises that could give me away, then I pull out my fingers and grab for his dick.</p><p><em>Now that’s going to be uncomfy.</em> a voice in my head tells me but I don’t listen to it. Instead I let myself sink onto his cock - admittedly, maybe a bit too fast.</p><p>Renji screams and tries to get up. With more force than I wanted to I push him back onto the bed and leave my hand right there on his chest to keep him down while I start to move on him without pausing.</p><p>"Shit!" he squeezes out from underneath me, still the one to get the most vocal during sex. "Tight… So tight…" he gasps in between my movements and with the sounds he is making one could think that I’m the one fucking him instead of the other way around. (I admit - in a way it <em>is</em> like this.)</p><p>I can feel how his hips stutter against mine and can’t stop myself from moaning. At least he doesn’t try to take off the shirt again. Instead his hand wraps around my wrist on his chest and the other around my hip to pull me down against him with every downwards motion.</p><p>The muscles in my rear twitch and Renji moans, lets go of my hand and extends his hand towards the general direction of my body.</p><p>I become bolder and push him aside, get rid of the hand on my hip with quite some effort and press them both onto the bed right next to his head. "It’s my turn now." I explain to him and feel his manhood twitch inside of me.</p><p>My movements have become easier since his pre-cum is coating my insides and I don’t get any slower as I let go of Renjis hands and run mine over my chest, over the scar across his chest, down the sensitive sides and up to his hardened nipples.</p><p>He is putty underneath my hands but keeps them right there where I put them. I pause, surprised in a positive way. I just got an idea. I sit up straight, his dick deep inside of me and doesn’t move at all while gripping his leg before widening it a bit and bending it - not out of any reason, just because I want to know if he would let me do it. He lets me.</p><p>Again I run my hands over his body and contract the muscles inside my ass again and again.</p><p>He tries to move his hips again and moans strained but I press him down. His hands twitch before clawing at the sheets underneath him.</p><p>"I-Ichigo." he moans and licks his lips. "Tell me. How you are doing right now." I try to command but my voice trembles, aroused and sounds more gently than ordering.</p><p>"I’ve got the hots for you." he gasps. "Shit, <em>you</em> are so hot." His fingers claw harder at the bed sheets. "And I want to cum but I want-" He moans when I let my hips move in a circling motion, still sitting on his pelvis and contracting my ass muscles. "-I want for you to cum first."</p><p>I put my hand onto his chest to keep him down while bending forwards a bit and slapping him with my free hand, not brutally, but definitely not that gentle either.</p><p>He flinches and shouts. I guess he didn’t see that coming - no pun intended.</p><p>"<em>I’m</em> the one only thinking about myself? This time it’s your turn Renji! This time you are the one cuming first."</p><p>And like to underline my words I start to move again, more aggressively this time and I see how it itches inside his fingers to touch me. I’m quite surprise over his self control to not to do it.</p><p>"Damn, Ichigo." he gasps and I get up onto my knees to ram his cock harder and faster into me. I can feel his body shudder underneath me. I would love to see him into his eyes, I want to see if he has them closed and if tiny tears of arousal drip from the corners of his eyes or if he can’t take his gaze from me, how he wants to eat me up with his eyes and how his gaze roams over my body, from my weeping erection to my face from which I actually don’t want to know how it looks like.</p><p>My own breath goes fast, only partially because of the arousal, it’s mostly the exhaustion. Because it <em>is</em> exhausting to be on top and I admire Renjis stamina and patience.</p><p>I change the position of my hands, press one into the bed next to his head and rub his nipple with thumb and forefinger before moving to the other one.</p><p>Renjis hips stutter into my direction. Soon. Soon I got him where I want him. I shut my lips tight so that they are forming a thin line so that I won’t give away that I’m just as close as he is.</p><p>This time it’s all about Renji.</p><p>I feel the muscles in his body tense up, how he rams his feet into the mattress and thrusts up and into me.</p><p>I bury my teeth in my bottom lip but can’t help but pinch his nipple in a hurtful way.</p><p>I hear him gasp and laugh, then he cums into me, his hands still holding the bed sheets next to his head.</p><p>I follow him at the same time - no, I have to admit, maybe a bit earlier.</p><p>His hips stutter up again and again and I let him do it, sink onto his strong body, exhausted and feel how his cock grows softer inside of me.</p><p>Gently I move my hand over his chest and my head moves with each of his breaths. His hands are still lying next to his head and the makeshift blindfold is still in place as well as I find out with a short glance upwards.</p><p>How long will he stay like this? Until he catches his breath or until I tell him to do something else? Curiously I put my head back onto his chest and wait.</p><p>A minute passes and then another one, his breath calms but he is still not moving.</p><p>I wait for another minute just to be completely sure, count incredibly slowly until sixty and then again until thirty before getting up a bit. I feel his dick slide out of me and kiss him. He answers it passionately and without hesitating - but his hands stay where they are.</p><p>"Touch me." I whisper against his lips and before I can finish my sentence his hands are roaming across every reachable spot of my body - blindly, he still wears the blindfold.</p><p>They run over my sides with pressure, then one moves up my back while the other one starts to knead my ass (I admit, said body part hurts a bit. There is a tiny push and pull but it’s not the first time (and I bet not the last either) that it feels that way).</p><p>I grab for his shirt and undo the knot on the side of his head before pulling it away and throwing it somewhere into the room.</p><p>He blinks for a moment in the bright light of the room. His widened pupils use up nearly all the space of his iris, something that I haven’t seen before. Not like this at least.</p><p>His hands still move over my body as if he would feel it for the first time and with his newly won eyesight he’s taking me in too.</p><p>My face ends up in the crook between chin and neck and I grip his hands and press them down next to his head again before locking our fingers. I sigh blissfully and snuggle closer to him as a cold shudder runs down my sweaty back.</p><p>As I let go of his hands again he wraps them around my body, tight but gentle at the same time like only he can do it.</p><p>Neither him nor I say a word, we just lie on top of each other and listen to each others heartbeat, the ticking of Renjis alarm clock next to the bed and the car driving through the street down below.</p><p>It was quite the eventful day. Very eventful.</p><p>My thoughts wander. I remember how I already gave up on Renji a week earlier and how different it is now. Then Byakuya is standing before us all of a sudden and he pulls his katana - only it isn’t a katana but an axe, a giant axe like fire fighters use it.</p><p>As he half turns to take a swing with his axe I can see Rukia on his back like Yachiru does it on Kenpachi and when Byakuya starts to laugh manically while whirling his axe around I realize that it’s nothing but a dream.</p><p>A smile wanders across my face while the weird dream becomes nothingness and then blissful darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the middle of the night I wake up all of a sudden as Renji moves underneath me. Better said - close to night. In the far west can be seen a dark blue strip and with a look at Renjis alarm clock that’s in my view I realize that it’s ten forty-nine pm right now.</p><p>Even though Renji warms me up just fine and has his arms wrapped around me too I’m cold and my back is covered in goose bumps.</p><p>Maybe Renji didn’t sleep at all, maybe he just woke up right now - anyways, he’s moving now and pushes me down from him carefully and back first.</p><p>I keep my eyes closed. Renji hasn’t realized yet that I’m awake and I want to know what he’s up to now.</p><p>First he moves to the edge of the bed and sits up, wide shoulders and naked and sleepy and thoughtful, rubs the sand out of his eyes and sits there for a moment. I glance at him from underneath my lashes.</p><p>His gaze falls onto me and he keeps looking, still thoughtfully but with a gentleness in his eyes that I can’t help but recognize.</p><p>The light of the moon shines on him while I myself am in the shadows. Even though he looks me directly into the face he doesn’t realize that I’m far from sleep.</p><p>With a soft creaking of the bed he gets up and leaves the room. The lights turn on in the bath room, then he closes its door and all I can hear is the flushing of the toilet from far away and then the water tap.</p><p>The door opens again and the lights go out before he shuffles into the kitchen and turns the lights on there. I can hear the creak of the cupboard closet and then the water tap again. I guess he’s getting himself some tap water right now.</p><p>The light darkens as his big body moves before it to look at me, leaning in the frame of the door, his arms crossed before his chest and his ponytail still intact somehow, even though it's tousled.</p><p>It’s actually kinda creepy, the way he is standing there. Like a stalker. But then he just empties the glass of water in his hand and goes back to the kitchen. Probably to put the unwashed glass into the sink, like usual.</p><p>One more time he disappears into the bathroom before coming back inside, holding a cloth in his hand, the soft one that he used on me earlier this week.</p><p>I close my eyes completely now as he sits down next to my upper body (on this distance he would’ve been able to see my eyes open, dark or not) and then I can barely suppress a flinch as the cloth runs over my chest very carefully, as to not to wake me. Guess he’s cleaning me from my junk.</p><p>In circling motions he loosens the dried seed from my skin and I have to admit that it’s damn hard to keep my breath calm and even. He continues to wander down my body and spreads my legs softly before he kneels in between them.</p><p>I think I know what he plans to do now, that he plans to clean my cock and tense up lightly so that I won’t be surprised. Then a finger finds its way into me and I flinch.</p><p>Renjis finger twitches too but he just leans forward a bit - I can feel the gust of air - and presses a kiss to my temple. "Shhh." he whispers and "Forgive me."</p><p>I keep on playing the sleeping man even though my eye lids flutter a bit and my breath grows unsteady.</p><p>Renji stays clueless while he cleans me with clinical precision and incredibly careful. At last he puts his fingers around my hidden glans, pulls down the foreskin and starts to clean the last stains of cum from it with a clean corner of the cloth.</p><p>My dick nearly twitched. Nearly. The professionalism he used to clean me kept me from getting hard. The touches just weren’t made for this, even though they were this intimate. Just like the punch of a boxer doesn’t let your skin tingle gently or the little hands of a child won’t hurt you.</p><p>The bed dips beside of me as Renji stands up and leaves. Does he do that every time? Not only after BDSM but… always? I can remember to fall asleep in his arms, just like this time and that I was dirty from my seed (even though not his, condoms be praised) and that I woke up clean in the next morning.</p><p>A soft feel spreads inside of me while Renji goes to clean the cloth, himself as well while he’s at it probably, before he comes back, nothing more but a shade in the moonlight now that the light inside the bath room is turned off.</p><p>He lifts me up gently, so careful, that I wouldn’t have woken if I would’ve been sleeping for real. Circuitously he pushes away the blanket with his foot and I can hear him groan and swear silently while doing so before he puts me back down onto the mattress. He then spreads the blanket over me carefully before putting a kiss onto my forehead.</p><p>He grips for his Soul Society-cell phone and checks for Hollows before putting it back.</p><p>I’m just wondering why he ain’t coming back to bed when his steps move away again. He slips into some sweat pants and walks to the table with quiet steps. He pulls out the laptop and looks for headphones in one of the pockets of the laptop-bag. His quiet opening of the zippers sounds incredibly loud in the silence of the night and when Renji opens the laptop and starts it the bright screen lights the room like a sun even though the laptop isn’t showing into my direction.</p><p>What is he going to do now? I get it, it’s not even that late yet, six minutes - no, seven now - past eleven pm but my curiosity has been woken.</p><p>Renji waits for a moment until the device booted up before he types in a password with stiff fingers, plugs in the headphones and pulls them over his head.</p><p>Again he starts to type, sitting cross legged in front of the table and gazing at the screen both serious and thoughtful at the same time.</p><p>His face is lit in the light of the screen and his eyes jump from left to right. Looks like he’s reading something. About what? Good question - next question.</p><p>Again he types something. Again he reads. It keeps going like this for minutes and even though I’m actually tired I’m still lying there, wide awake and watching him.</p><p>Then the bright light darkens a bit and he leans back a bit, back against the wall. I can hear dull sounds come from his headphones. Voices. A moan?</p><p>Is he… watching porn? What for? My gaze wanders to the red light of his alarm clock. Half past eleven.</p><p>Gingerly I sit up and unwrap myself of the blanket. Renjis cheeks appear slightly reddened (or maybe it’s just the light of the screen) but he is quite concentrated on whatever he’s looking at and he hasn’t recognized me yet.</p><p>First I sneak up to the window and then sideways towards him.</p><p>Yup, that’s definitely porn. But not like the one that we were watching. Those are definitely… two guys. European probably. At least from the west. And that’s also not normal porn. That’s BDSM.</p><p>And a bit more in the way that I thought BDSM to be too.</p><p>It’s not hard to see which one is on top. It’s the guy with the super short grey hair, the open squared button up with the rolled up sleeves and the beer belly. Even from far away and through the video he radiates a quiet dominance that Renji is missing (for now). Apart from that the other guy is tied up, thin, with dirty-blonde hair. He reminds me a little bit of myself.</p><p>Those guys are in a cellar right now (or at least a room without any windows that <em>looks</em> like a cellar). The walls are wall-like and in the middle is a bed with a mattress on it but without blanket.</p><p>The older man points to the bound fists of the younger one and says something that I’m unable to understand due to Renjis headphones. He seems to explain something because he is talking to the camera and the young guy looks relaxed, not in pain or even that much aroused, more like he’s… bored. Observant but bored as if he would hear the same thing over and over again.</p><p>I swallow and glance from the screen to Renjis lit up face.</p><p>He has put his head into the hand that’s pointing towards my direction, which makes him incapable of looking at me.</p><p>The camera zooms out a bit and I can’t help but gasp as my knees become weak all of a sudden. I have to support myself at the wall in my back, a deed that makes quite the noise and which makes Renji flinch violently.</p><p>My gaze is frozen to the young guys dick - or, well, the part of it that I can see. It’s in some sort of… I have to blink. Is that… some sort of cage? My heart seems to cramp up inside of me. The thought alone makes me feel anxious, no, more than this! I think I might have to puke. And I’m dizzy.</p><p>I’m overly tired but my body is in flight mode already.</p><p>"Ichigo." I can hear Renjis voice from far away. "You’re awake." My gaze is still at the screen. Renji has pulled down the headphones by now but the video is still running.</p><p>"Wanna watch too?" No, I don’t want to. I nod. "Then get over here." I want to force my legs to move backwards, to circle the small table and get out of his apartment (naked or not). With slow steps I walk over to him.</p><p>He leans back against the wall, spreads his legs and taps the floor between them. "Come on, get yourself comfortable." I want to throw the laptop away, ram my fist into Renjis face and the heel of my foot right between his legs into his balls. On shaky legs I come closer and sit down between his. Renji wraps his arm around my collarbone and pulls me closer to his naked chest.</p><p>The muscles in my back seem to be like a damn wall of steel between us. Renji unplugs the headphones and I can hear the dark, calm voice of the older guy in a language that’s probably English. Renji doesn’t seem to understand anything either. He seems to learn from pictures alone.</p><p>It calms me down a bit that I can’t feel Renjis dick pressing against my lower back. That means it doesn’t turn him on too much. Why is he watching it in the first place though?</p><p>Thoughtful and interested and with a spark in his eyes as if he would have a good idea.</p><p>I shudder. The grey haired man gets another one of those… cages and seems to explain what goes where, because the camera zooms onto him and he points at different straps.</p><p>"R-Renji?" I croak. "Hmm?" he asks absentminded. "I…" I swallow. "I don’t think… that I want to do that." Renji snorts behind of me. "Me neither. Metal. Way to aloof. I got a much better idea."</p><p>My body grows both hot and cold at the same time. What exactly does that mean? The anxiousness stays where it is just like the lump in my throat and the fist around my heart.</p><p>What scares me even more is the fact that I can feel how my blood rushes downwards to gather in my dick and how it grows heavy against my left leg.</p><p>I don’t lift my gaze but I flinch visibly as the guy in the video screams suddenly, loud and hoarse. Hastily I pull air into my lungs through clenched teeth, eyes closed.</p><p>I can feel Renjis lips in my neck and how he starts to kiss a trail down to my throat.</p><p>The fingers of his free hand moves underneath my chin to tilt my head away a bit. I sigh, eyes still closed and ears sealed from the actions on the screen.</p><p>Now he widens his fingers, thumb into one direction, the other fingers into the other before he draws a line over my neck and lets his hand rest there. I swallow hard, open my eyes a gap wide and gaze at the ceiling.</p><p>The arm around my chest moves downwards a bit and I gasp surprised, when another hand grips my hip without the soft pressure on my neck leaving.</p><p>"Shhh, calm down." he whispers close to my ear and nibbles lightly on my earlobe. "All Kidou - saver than any rope." I would believe him right away - if he wouldn’t have used the words <em>Kidou</em>, <em>safe</em> and <em>Renji</em> in the same sentence.</p><p>Against all odds I feel… save with Renji. Not really that much when it comes to the Kidou-part - but when it comes to Renji himself.</p><p>My body calms down again, the hard muscles in my back relax so suddenly that I sink against Renji. I sigh quietly while his tongue traces the rim of my ear. One of his arms is still holding me close, the other one inches deeper.</p><p>A single finger runs across my length and it feels like a electric shock. (Well, if he’s making any Kidou right now it might have actually <em>been</em> one.)</p><p>All of a sudden he grabs for both of my hands and puts them onto his knees. "Let them stay there." he whispers into my ear. I swallow. I guess that’s the revenge for earlier.</p><p>Unconsciously I clamp down on his covered knees while his hands are wandering my body again.</p><p>No, I might have to correct that. They don’t <em>wander</em>, they get down to my erection right away. My glans can be seen from behind my foreskin and is shining in a light blue and red due to the light of the laptop. I can feel a vein throb on the underside and how Renji puts his chin onto my shoulder to have a better look onto my dick as if it would be some sort of art or whatever.</p><p>It’s silent in here - apart from my way too loud breathing. When did he stop the video? No idea.</p><p>He uses his one hand to move it up and down my cock in way too loose motions while he moves his other one between my balls and my cock so that it juts out in a different angle.</p><p>A minute passes and then another one in which he isn’t doing anything else but letting his hand wander up and down my cock. He ignores my glans, my testicles and the fact that his grip is way too light, that my hands twitch on top of his knees and my breath is heavy - not because of the Kidou though. That just wraps around my neck soft like a band of satin and seems to become wider with every intake of breath and smaller again whenever I breathe out again.</p><p>My cock seems to become heavier. Slowly, but steadily. Gingerly I gaze down and for a moment I see nothing special. With the next of Renjis jerking motions though I can see… threads winding around my length, thin, inconspicuously, transparent and shining in a light blue in the light of the laptop. Like a pattern they wrap around my dick and find their origin… I blink. In the fingers of Renjis other hand that lies apparently innocent between my balls and my penis.</p><p>A whimper escapes my throat and goose bumps cover my naked body soon enough. Those threads. What are they there for? What do they do? For now - nothing at all. They’re just there and wrap around my sensitive skin gently (gently, not harsh).</p><p>I think I can see them moving but I’m not too sure and shudder while Renjis hand continues its jerking motion on my erection.</p><p>Too much. A good much, but too much. Green. The shiny green of leaves in spring. My hips jerk into the direction of his hands with tiny trusts. It’s good and weird and hot and disturbing and I still don’t know what he’s up to.</p><p>Up to now I knew Kidou as something that ties you up. Or that explodes into your faces. <em>This</em>… I can’t put that kind of Kidou anywhere. While Renjis hand moves up and down patiently the other one moves too and I can feel his second finger on my glans and how he tips against the small slit on top of it gently and rhythmically.</p><p>I gasp. My erection is burning. Not because of the Kidou-thing but because I was so tense until now this simple new touch is close to overstimulation.</p><p>My nails are short but I’m sure that Renji will be able too feel them on his thighs, pants or not.</p><p>I sag forward while my hips try to come closer to his hands.</p><p>"So, you gonna cum soon?" I can hear Renjis hoarse voice next to my ear but I can only croak. "Go on." he tries to motivate me and the tipping on my glans stops. Instead his fingers move from the base of my cock to the glans, fingers left and right of the vein on the underside.</p><p>I shudder and moan and I can feel my testicles contract.</p><p>I nearly rip apart his sweat pants, I’m clambering down on them so hard while I’m… <em>not</em> cuming. I howl and throw my head back against his shoulder (he’ll feel that one tomorrow).</p><p>With a blurred gaze I stare down only to see that those threads are not as inconspicuously as before. They seem to have stiffened and they’re holding my cock up and my seed in my balls at the same time.</p><p>I try to call out Renjis name but my lips are just moving soundlessly and Renji gets out from behind of me cleverly.</p><p>"I know, I know. It’s real weird, isn’t it?! Let’s leave it be since it’s not really your thing."</p><p>Contrary to his words he isn’t at all as insecure as he acts. Sly and cunning sounds more like it. A self-confident smirk on his lips that he can’t suppress and totally sure of victory. Just like I know him.</p><p>On the contrary not like I know myself. Of course my hands slithered off of his knees as he got up and I see that as an invitation to move them again and grab the leg of his pants.</p><p>"Don’t. Don’t you dare… go now." Renji looks down at me in a exaggerated thoughtful way as if he would actually consider it. Fuck. Damn him.</p><p>He gets a step closer and my gaze that stayed at his face up to now is fixed to the clearly visible boner inside his sweat pants. I haven’t even realized it earlier, I was so taken by my own arousal (that hasn’t vanished by the way. It only became more urgent).</p><p>"What do you want?" he asks me. "Cum. I want… to cum." I beg him, gaze fixed on his dark eyes again.</p><p>He nods and kneels before me. Something like understanding in his eyes. "Then go on, touch yourself." he tells me gently but with something like… cunning in his voice that makes goose bumps rise all over my skin.</p><p>Gingerly - still looking for the catch - I move my hand between my legs, not taking my gaze off of him.</p><p>Still unsure I wrap my hand around my dick. I can’t feel those Kidou-threads. I can <em>see</em> them, they are <em>there</em>, but I can’t feel them.</p><p>Gaze fixed on my manhood now I run my hand up and down. What for? It’s not like I’d be able to cum, not with Renjis Kidou there. I guess that’s the catch.</p><p>Yet I can’t hold back. My grip becomes more firm and I take the other hand to run my fingers over my glans which is shining wet in the light of the laptop.</p><p>Even though it’s only my own hand it feels like heaven. My eyes half closed my movements grow faster. A dark groan can be heard and as I look up at Renji for a moment I can see that he got his own hand inside of his pants and that he watches me hungrily.</p><p>My cheeks grow red (or as I’m afraid: <em>even more</em> red) but my attention is back on my erection soon enough as I can feel my orgasm approaching - again.</p><p>My hand stops for a moment.</p><p>I guess I won’t be able to cum again. Because of Renjis Kidou. I swallow, then that thought belongs to the past and I can hear myself moan dully with each movement of my hand. Renjis own hand becomes faster and his eyes a bit hazed while they run over my body, from my dick to my face and back.</p><p>Again I can feel my testicles contract - and again I’m not cuming. I sob. Renji stopped (maybe out of solidarity?) and looks at me, fascinated. At least he seems to have forgotten about his arousal for now (lucky guy).</p><p>He takes his hand out of his pants and grabs my shoulders with both of his hands. "Come on, try again." he tries to motivate me again and squeezes my shoulders, an ambitious glint in his dark eyes.</p><p>"It… won’t work." I whisper, exhausted but can’t help but continue the movement of my hand. A hand wanders over my cheek.</p><p>"You can do it!" he nods at me and presses a kiss to my forehead before putting his second hand into his own pants.</p><p>I lean against his strong hand gingerly and then with more of my weight and my eyes close for a moment. His presence gives me strength (I’m not thinking about the fact right now that it’s his fault that I’m in this state) and the movements of my hand become faster and more fierce until I’m breathing hard again.</p><p>Oh damn, I just want to cum. What do I have to do for it?</p><p>"Just don’t stop." I can hear Renjis hoarse voice. "Did I think aloud?" I croak and he nods. I should stop doing that. My hand is heavy, my <em>whole body</em> is heavy but I keep going grimly. My dick hurts from the rough movements of my hand and my balls hurt because they are full and can’t get rid of all that junk, even my hand hurts and my cramped up back.</p><p>The sounds escaping me become more urgent and before I can’t cum <em>again</em> Renji pulls his hand out of his pants and wraps it around my dick. His hand is different from mine that was only able to satisfy me very slowly and poorly. His movements are like always, a bit too fast, a bit too tight and I don’t know how I got there but my forehead leans against his shoulder, one hand grabs his other shoulder and as his second hand comes fourth to cradle my testicles and to massage them carefully, something inside of me explodes.</p><p>I can hear a scream, then for a long second there is nothing anymore and when I open my eyes again I’m lying halfway on my side, halfway on my back and stare at the ceiling.</p><p>Long spurts of cum stain my body and I can feel it run down myself slowly and tenaciously.</p><p>I’m shaking all over and feel extremely tired and happy at the same time. My penis feels a bit weird. A bit… like it is sore. (Is that even possible?)</p><p>Then Renji comes into my focus and helps me to sit wordlessly. I can see worry in the light of the laptop but he doesn’t say anything.</p><p>I’m incredibly thankful for that.</p><p>"How long have I been gone?" I ask him, my voice a bit sluggish. "Just for a moment." he answers me and I take a deep breath and lean against him as he pulls me in.</p><p>My gaze wanders to the stopped video.</p><p>I shake my head. "I’m totally batshit crazy… But I guess I wanna do it again. Some other time. Not now. I guess my prick would fall off."</p><p>He whispers. "Now that’s some dirty language today."</p><p>I become red and realize just now what it is that I’m saying. "Suits you." he growls into my ear.</p><p>"Nonsense." I answer sharply and try to hit him over the head but he just dodges me laughingly.</p><p>"What do you think about a shower?" he asks and I nod. "You coming to bed afterwards?" "Sure." he answers me softly.</p><p>Then he helps me to get up.</p><p> </p><p>We sleep long.</p><p>In the middle of the night I can hear Renji get out of bed as the Soul Society-cell phone rings to get rid of a Hollow. The gigai stays were it is but it feels… different, even though his replacement soul is inside and plays sleeping guy.</p><p>With closed eyes but still awake I stay like that for a while longer until Renji returns (seeing ghosts and shinigami or not - I can still tell who’s inside of Renjis gigai).</p><p>I wake up from a kiss to my mouth. Our breakfast contains cornflakes with milk and strong coffee. Then we watch a movie on his laptop (no porn but one of Renjis newly bought action movies. It looks like a new hobby of his because the movies in his closet multiply uncontrolled). Then we have some sort of boot camp. Who can make the most push ups, who can run the fastest, who can keep longest in hand stand?</p><p>My whole body hurts afterwards, every damn muscles aches but it feels good to do <em>normal</em> things like this.</p><p>He treats me for lunch for a bowl of Ramen. It’s not much but we’re hungry and the Ramen taste good enough. Then we run into Keigo and Mizuiro and they take us bowling and when he come back to Renjis home it’s nearly late again.</p><p>I force myself to do some school work, while my friend looks over my shoulder with interest and adds his two cents.</p><p>We let the day end by lying in bed and jerking each other off, lying on our sides in the dark, lips locked and with our hands on each others body.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This Sunday starts a bit earlier - for Renji that is. I take it that he has a Hollow-contract early in the morning (I think I heard his cell phone ring) but afterwards he doesn’t come back to bed. Instead he was in the kitchen for a while and then in the bathroom and when he comes back into the room to hide a casket in the big bag in the corner I can feel my heart beat wildly in my chest.</p><p>About the bag: I didn’t dare take a look inside. Not because Renji forbid me or threatened me with anything but because by one part I want to surprise myself (or at least don’t want to spoil his surprise) and the other part of me still fears that I’ll chicken out if I would see something I wouldn’t like, just like with the cage-like thing from the video.</p><p>"What are you doing?" I ask him, still sleepy. He grins at me lopsided. "Wait for…" He throws a gaze onto the alarm clock next to the bed. "…another hour or so and you’ll find out."</p><p>"Hmm…" I grumble. "Fine by me, that means we can eat something in the meantime." I agree. Renjis grin disappears. "I… I’m not sure if that’s a good idea." I blink at him. "But I’m hungry. Even more so in an hour!"</p><p>"Hmm… Well, I guess that makes sense." he mumbles and rubs his neck thoughtfully. "Wait there for a moment." he advises me and points to the bed. I’m still on it but stay there like a good boy as Renji leaves (hits his toe against the closet) and goes into the kitchen.</p><p>Not even two minutes later he comes back, a triumphant grin on his face.</p><p>"Alright, forget about the hour." "Great, then we can eat something now." Again he stops. "No, we can’t." he tells me and walks up to me.</p><p>I just want to start a discussion with him (my sleepy brain still doesn’t get what he’s up to) but then he is standing in front of me and pulls off the T-Shirt I’m wearing, pushes me back onto the bed and pulls off my boxers in a fluid motion.</p><p>A shaky exhale escapes me.</p><p>I know this energy, this dominance from the last two times. Three times. Could one take Friday night in front of the laptop as BDSM? (Of course one can, my brain answers me promptly.)</p><p>"Move up." he orders me and I can’t help but hurry up to do exactly that. "Good. Now stay there."</p><p>I don’t move, follow his movements with my eyes only as he takes off the tank top he’s wearing and the pants until he’s standing before me in nothing but his underwear.</p><p>He climbs onto the bed and wraps his fingers around my wrists while he bends forward to kiss me. When he lies my hands back down left and right of my body, spread, I don't understand what he did it for. And then I do. I want to stretch out my arms to wrap them around his neck - and can’t move them anymore.</p><p>For a moment I can feel panic rise inside of me, then I can see the transparent threads that I know from two nights ago. Only they are not transparent. Not really. They have a golden glow inside and they wrap around my wrists like bracelets, just a bit tighter and - however it works - very effectively onto the bed below me.</p><p>With a barely suppressed giggle Renji runs his fingers over my arms and though I’m afraid for a moment that he will continue the Kidou there he doesn’t.</p><p>"Don’t worry. Nothing will happen to you." he calms me down and I nod, a bit breathless from our kiss. I already know that those things are not dangerous. Yesterday morning I spent some minutes in the bathroom to inspect my dick, to make sure that little Ichigo is doing fine. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No marks. No pain. I guess the rope is more dangerous.</p><p>A bit unceremoniously he bends down to my ankles and repeats his ministrations, spreads my legs apart and puts my feet where he wants them until I’m unable to move. Usually that makes uneasiness dwell up in me but here with Renji it’s only some sort of nice excitement, paired with my trust towards him and I grin at him cheekily while he looks down at me with satisfaction in his eyes.</p><p>"Alright, now you have to wait for a moment." He gets up and my grin disappears for a moment to give space to agitation. I remember oh so well what happened when he left me be <em>for a moment</em>.</p><p>"Don’t worry." He hits his chest a few times. "I’ll continue to wear this one." Relieved my head sinks back into the pillow beneath me and I wait patiently for Renji to get out the casket of the big bag and to put it onto the night table, so near and yet so far before he goes into the kitchen to get something from there.</p><p>I nearly strain my neck to check what it is. Then a cold shudder runs down my back and I can feel goose bumps rise all over my body.</p><p>Ice cubes. I’ve once heard about… sex games with them but to be honest I can’t really imagine anything. What I do know is how ice cubes feel like. And when I imagine how they feel like on the <em>sensitive</em> spots of my body… I swallow dryly. No, better not to think about it or I’ll come just like this.</p><p>Renji threw a knowing glance to my erection in the meantime and put the forms with the dozen cubes next to the little wooden casket.</p><p>"Now come on, lets take our time, don’t you think?" he asks me with a lopsided grin and runs his hand once over my cock and the other across my temples and my eye lids, both movement unnervingly slow and as he takes his hands away I can see the same threads around my erection as last Friday, not to feel right now but going to be hell later on.</p><p>Gone is all of my tiredness but my heart beats up to my throat and my dick throbs with each heartbeat and we didn’t even really start yet.</p><p>"What do you plan… with these?" I ask him while nodding towards the ice cubes. "Oh, you’ll see." he answers me mysteriously. "But right now they’re unimportant." I scowl. "Won’t they melt?"</p><p>Renji blinks at me, looks like he didn’t think that far. Wordlessly he grabs the ice cube form and gets one of them out.</p><p>"Put out your tongue." he says and I follow the order obediently. "Well, cold enough?" he asks me while he runs the cube slowly over my tongue until its tip.</p><p>A shudder runs down my back and I can feel how my tongue starts to shake lightly and how goose bumps rise.</p><p>He grins knowingly and lets the cold cube run down my neck, along the artery there which seems to throb lightly under the soft pressure. The piece of frozen water wanders down over my chest, stops at my nipples (which makes me whimper involuntarily) before he moves the small piece of ice to my navel and lets it lay there.</p><p>He leans back a bit and watches fascinated how the ice turns to water that first fills the hollow of my navel and then runs down left and right what makes me flinch.</p><p>First I tried to lift my head to watch the water but now my head is back at the pillow and my eyes are closed.</p><p>With his ice-cold fingers Renji touches my hips and he fondles the base of my highly erect dick.</p><p>My breath escapes me with a loud hiss but Renji already bent over the nightstand to get a new ice cube.</p><p>I watch him doing nothing at first. He just keeps the piece of ice in his clenched fist and that one above the form. A minute passes and then another one during which the water drips out between his fingers and I watch fascinated how goose bumps rise on his lower arms. I lick my bottom lick unconsciously and follow him with my gaze as he leans over me and kisses me. I return the kiss, soft, relaxed.</p><p>"Aaaah!" I shout as Renjis cold-as-hell hand wraps around my cock and runs up and down on it.</p><p>Even though his warm chest lies on top of mine my loin is incredibly cold and I can feel my dick twitch, less out of arousal but out of coldness and the try to get out of Renjis grip.</p><p>I have to break our kiss to concentrate on my heavy breathing (in and out, in and out) and to get my heartbeat back under control. I feel a bit foggy, like there’s air missing.</p><p>"Too much?" he asks me while taking his hand from me. I nod with halfway closed eyes. "Just… a moment." I whisper and he nods as well while running his warm hand over my arm, the one closer to him.</p><p>He’s lying directly on top of me, his warm stomach on my not so warm one, his covered dick on mine. Gently I circle my hips, unconsciously first and then when I realize what I’m doing a bit more intense. I would love to throw my legs around his hips but they are damned into passivity.</p><p>"Well, getting warm again?" he ask me. "Yes." I nod, a bit hoarse and he grins and kneels back up. His fingers move across my arm again. The other arm this time. And his other fingers. The cold ones. The cold trail he leaves on my skin lets goose bumps rise again and his grin becomes a smirk and mean.</p><p>"Are you sure?" he asks me and I need a moment to remember his earlier words while he takes my silence as a <em>No</em>.</p><p>"Let’s make you <em>real</em> warm now." he tells me and grabs for the casket on the nightstand that he was hiding in the bag earlier today.</p><p>"What is that?" I ask him and his grin widens. "Impatient today, aren’t we?"</p><p>He sits there upright and holds the casket at his own chest level while opening it so that I’m still unable to see its insides.</p><p>"Close your eyes." he orders me gently and even though I’m a bit anxious I follow his command and press my eye lids shut.</p><p>I can feel his fingers on my arm and how they run across the skin, then how he squeezes the skin on my lower arm a bit and then how something pinches it.</p><p>"Watch." he allows me and I rip open my eyes to look down onto my arm.</p><p>"A…clothes pin?" I ask him  in disbelief. He nods. "Well recognized. Does it hurt?" Gingerly I shake my head. "Not really." He giggles, a spark in his dark eyes.</p><p>"Goood." he grins and flicks the wooden clothes pin. Again I flinch, then he’s taking the thing off already and runs his thumb over the marks.</p><p>He bends down towards me and puts his lips onto mine. I answer the kiss greedily and sigh blissfully as he starts to rub my nipples.</p><p>I’m still way too drunk with sleep to count together two and two and when a short pain runs through my right nipple I don’t get what happened.</p><p>I look away from Renjis lips and down at myself. I can <em>hear</em> him grin and he runs his fingers around my chest, there, where the evil grippers of the clothes pin wrap around my nipple.</p><p>The pain isn’t that bad. Dull. It thumps a bit. But it’s… unpleasant. Together with Renjis sadistic gaze his new toy doesn’t mean anything good.</p><p>He licks his own lips and leans forward to run a wet circle around my maltreated nipple. I shudder and a gasp escapes my throat.</p><p>I would love nothing more than to bury my hands in his long hair but again I have to realize that they are damned into immobility.</p><p>I whimper as Renjis tongue presses against the clothes pin and moves it to and fro. The dull thump turns into a painful pull.</p><p>"Damned… are you." I wheeze between clenched teeth and feel a few drops of pre-cum gathering on my glans.</p><p>I’m tossing underneath him, try to rub my body against his but he keeps his groin outside of my reach soliticiously.</p><p>He nibbles on my reddened flesh lightly and asks casually: "Color?" "G-Green." I answer hoarsely, my eyes pinches close.</p><p>It hurts. But it’s a good hurting. Something that turns me on, how Renji has already realized.</p><p>He moves a hand between my legs, a bit deeper and runs his thumb over my entrance. I gasp while he reaches over and gets another clothes pin out of the box. With a squeaking sound he lets it snap open and close again and I flinch at that sound. He grins at me from below, takes his finger away from my entrance and pinches my other nipple instead before wrapping the grippers of the second clothes pin around it.</p><p>Again a dull pain runs through my body, starting at my chest and I moan while trying desperately to rub myself against something.</p><p>For a moment he changes my nipples and starts to caress the other one with his mouth now. His left hand is back between my spread legs and runs skillfully over my entrance.</p><p>Then he lets go of me. Completely. He sits up and watches me with fire in his foggy eyes. "If you would know how you look right now." he whispers and I blink, exhausted. "Yeah? How?" I squeeze out and his eyes lighten up. He grips into the drawer of the night table, throws a tube of lube onto the bed first before getting out a small-sized mirror, a little bit smaller than his hand and holds it into my face.</p><p>I swallow and see my throat bob.</p><p>My lips are reddened and glisten wetly. My hair is stuck to my forehead and the skin on my cheeks is a rosy red. My eyes are wet, my pupils widened. The mirror steams up with each of my quick breaths and he takes it away again, puts it back onto the nightstand and bends over me again to pull the first clothes pin from my nipple with a careful but fast movement.</p><p>I shout as blood rushes back into it and Renji leans down to press his tongue gently against the mistreated body part while kneading my chest.</p><p>It tingles and stings at the same time and when Renji grabs next to the bed to get another one of the lightly melted ice cubes and presses it against my nipple it doesn’t make it better.</p><p>His tongue is still there, licking up the melting water and then, when the cube disappeared, a trail to my second nipple. He uses his teeth to get rid of the clothes pin before he presses his cold tongue against the marks that the pin left there.</p><p>I gasp and feel a drop of sweat run down my temple.</p><p>I can hear a clicking sound and with a look from underneath my half closed eyelids I can see that Renji opened the tube of lube and that he put a good amount onto his fingers.</p><p>An anticipating moan escapes me and indeed I can feel his fingers at my entrance a moment later. He doesn’t screw with me this time, instead he just puts his fingers into me, first one, the another, then a third before moving them in thrusts into me, slow first, then harder.</p><p>"What would you do now," he asks me, "if you had a free hand?" My head throbs. I would love to do so many things now. Wrap an arm around him. Pull him down to kiss him. Scratch my chest until the stinging stops. Touch my cock. Touch him.</p><p>No word escapes my lips but my eyes must have answered for me. His fingers run complicated patterns onto my left hand, then he grips my wrist. I move my fingers - it works. I take a deep breath but don’t try to get out of his grip.</p><p>Then he moves my hand between my legs where his fingers are still inside my body. "Do you feel it? How they are inside of you?" he whispers into my ear and I gasp. Without having to be told to I run my fingers over my widened entrance, over the stretched skin and over his knuckles.</p><p>He presses the tips of his fingers against my prostate to animate me to continue. With a moan I press my lower half towards his hand and he thrusts into me slowly. With my fingers still at my entrance I can feel how it closes a bit before opening up again as Renji pushes the fingers back in.</p><p>"I’ve got an idea." he tells me all of a sudden. "Leave your fingers right there." I leave my fingers there while Renjis pulls his out again. He grabs for the lube again and pushes a bit onto my fingers before he puts his second finger into me again. He lets it circle around lightly before telling me: "Now your finger." I glance at his face for a moment. He means it. With a quiet gasp I’m looking for my entrance with shaky fingers that still has Renjis inside.</p><p>Gingerly I press my pointer finger against his and push against my entrance. Nothing happens at first, then it gives. A gasp escapes my lips while Renji stares at the point where our fingers meet my body with fascination. "That’s quite hot." he admits and I just nod gingerly.</p><p>It’s a bit weird. I don’t feel too full, but it’s… weird to feel his finger next to mine.</p><p>I can feel how he pulls back his finger and hurry to do the same and to follow him back in just as fast.</p><p>A few times it goes to and fro before he pulls out his finger completely and tells me to do the same by gripping my wrist and lying it next to my head.</p><p>I move it carefully. He didn’t bind it with Kidou again but I let it stay where it is, even when he pulls down his underwear and lubes up his erection. He positions himself and pushes into me slowly.</p><p>My unbound wrist shakes because of the strain to keep it right there while my eye lids close. My dick pulses, something that I ousted up to now, firstly because of the pain-coldness-mixture and then because of the fascination of our double preparation.</p><p>Now Renji wraps a hand around my erection though and starts to move it in rhythm of his thrusts. Damn him. It feels so good. I think I’m going to be fast, very fast at the point where I want to cum (and would cum if not for the Kidou).</p><p>He just grins at me knowingly and a moment later he lunges out to hit my bound dick lightly that makes it hit my stomach.</p><p>I groan as he hits my point of lust at the same time. Stars sparkle in front of my eyes.</p><p>"Am I… allowed to cum… faster than on Friday?" I squeeze out, breathing heavily and I can feel that sadistic glint in his eyes. "What’s it worth to you?" he asks me with a surprisingly strained voice. I swallow.</p><p>"What do you want?" I try to be cooperative before I come up with things that he deems too harmless or before I put some ideas into his head that I might regret soon enough.</p><p>"What<em> I</em> want? <em>You</em> are the one who wants to cum. So you tell me. Do you like how I thrust into you? That you can’t move? That you don’t move the only hand that you <em>could</em> move?"</p><p>I can feel my cheeks grow red. "Yes." I whisper. "Yes? Tell me more. <em>Yes</em> is quite unmotivated, even for you."</p><p>Does he try to get me into dirty talk right now? Looks like it. "I… I like the way you touch me." I squeeze out. "It turns me on that you are inside of me." My gaze is set directly at a point over his head. "You look fucking good." If I want to cum anytime soon I have to talk. "And it turns me on that I can’t move." I’m not even nearly as good as he is but he seems to like it just fine. His hand becomes faster and his thrusts harder.</p><p>"Such a bad boy. That’s what you are, right? What if someone could see you right now? What would you do?"</p><p>I whimper and try to fight the impulse to gaze at the door. "I… I would be… embarrassed but… I wouldn’t want you to stop. No way. Haah!"</p><p>Again he rams his glans into my prostate and a drip of pre-cum escapes the slit on my tip.</p><p>"Jerk off." he tells me to do and I need a moment to remember that I can move my hand.</p><p>With shaky fingers I wrap them around my cock while Renji grips my hips and pulls me into each and every of his thrusts.</p><p>I can see the thin threads circling my dick in the morning light. They discourage me and my touch becomes gingerly.</p><p>"Just keep going. Don’t stop."</p><p>His voice is so encouraging, so sure, that I can’t do anything else but believe him. I continue, run my thumb over my glans and try to forget that I won’t be able to cum.</p><p>A minute passes, another one. I can feel an uncomfortable tingle in my right leg but don’t say anything because I can feel my orgasm approaching.</p><p>Again my hand slows down because the feel of a dry orgasm is disgusting. Unsatisfying.</p><p>"Trust me." I can hear Renjis voice and yes, I trust him, even though I’m wondering in moments like this why I do.</p><p>"O-Okay." I gasp and refuse to take my eyes off of his. He bent over me halfway, one hand still on my hip, the other one supporting him next to his head.</p><p>My own hand becomes faster, even though it’s hard. What am I afraid of? That I’m not cuming again. But isn’t that what I wanted? I don’t know. No. No, I don’t want that, I want to cum.</p><p>I can feel his lips on mine and his thrusts becoming harder. A hand ends up in my hair and as he hits my point of lust again I cum and I’m so surprised by it that my head jolts up and my forehead hits his nose. He groans first and laughs afterwards while I’m looking down at my dirty hand with shock.</p><p>A few more thrusts, then he cums into me and gets rid of the Kidou holding me down before falling onto the bed next to me, still giggling softly.</p><p>"What?" I gasp, still not understanding what Renji is laughing about. I look down at me. The Kidou still circles around my cock but the sperm on my hand and my stomach is real.</p><p>"How?" I ask him, unbelievingly. He turns onto his side and closes in to my ear. "Not all Kidou binds the body alone." he whispers before pressing pointer- and middle finger of both of his hands against my temples and his thumbs carefully against my closing eye lids. "Kai." he says and when he takes away his fingers and I open my eyes the threads are gone.</p><p>"An… illusion? Really?" I ask, breathless but laughing, relieved. "You can bet on that. And you totally fell for it."</p><p>I snort and hit him over the head.</p><p>"I love you too." he laughs and buries his nose in my neck. I pull his head closer with my other hand and bury my own nose in his tangled hair.</p><p>"You are crazy." I mumble, eyes closed and enjoying the moment. Just today, then school starts and with it the serious side of life.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next week passes manageable. A few evenings I spent at Renjis place, I was at Mizuiros once but most of the time I spent to catch up with my schoolwork and to learn for exams.</p><p>On Thursday evening Renji is unusually serious. First I try to ignore it. Maybe he had an exhausting night and wants to distract me from the fact that he didn’t sleep enough but finally I can’t stop myself from asking.</p><p>"What’s up with you today?" We’re sitting in the small kitchen on the counter, drinking orange juice while Renji fills his gigai with cookies. He ate half of the damn package by himself already.</p><p>He just shakes his head. "What are you talking about?" I hit him over the head. "I know you long enough to know that you are brooding about something."</p><p>He pulls his eyebrows together in a scowl totally uncharacteristically and rubs his temples. "Lets not talk about it. It’s… something else and you wouldn’t like it."</p><p>"From where would you know that?" "Easy enough - I know you just as long." "Hmm… good enough." I admit. "Something BDSM-like?" I ask anyways, a minute or so later. He nods, his forehead wrinkled.</p><p>"Is it that obvious?" "Yeah, somehow. Lately at least." He snorts, the corners of his mouth tugged up.</p><p>"Now out with it. You even managed to get me into something similar to the cage-thing. Try me."</p><p>He sighs deeply. "Alright. Come with me, I’ll show you." For a moment I stay where I am. Show me? That fast? "On the miniature computer." he adds and I follow him, still holding the glass of orange juice.</p><p>"I’d put that away if I were you." he advises me and I drain it in one sip (who knows if I even <em>want</em> to drink anything afterwards) before putting it down onto the table, walking around it and sitting next to Renji with crossed legs and my hands folded in my lap.</p><p>I don’t want to show it if I like it and grow hard. At the same time I don’t want to show him if I don’t like it and nothing happens.</p><p>He turns the laptop halfway so that only he can take a look at the screen, he types something in, clicks at something and turns the laptop into my direction.</p><p>I can’t see a headline, only the picture of the video that he wants to show me.</p><p>Well, nothing much can be seen except for a penis in large format but he didn’t hit the start button just yet.</p><p>"In the beginning it's really weird and somehow… stupid or something like that. But then I watched more videos and read some articles and stuff and-" "Hey, just start the video." I interrupt him before he can stumble over his own voice.</p><p>I don’t know how hard it must be to get a person like me who never had to do anything with any of that stuff into BDSM.</p><p>I still don’t know what I like and can’t come up with things of my own (like for example last week when I blindfolded him). Up to now it was Renji who had the ideas and who teached me everything.</p><p>Maybe he’s afraid of rejection with my attitude for BDSM in the beginning. To my (lame) defense: All I knew was stories about bondage and torture and dark dungeon rooms.</p><p>I think I became… more open towards things like this. Not particularly towards the torture and the dungeon rooms but… all in all.</p><p>I take his hand into mine and put them both onto my knee. (With the other one I’m still hiding my crotch.)</p><p>"Well, come on." I try to encourage him and after a deep breath he hits the <em>start</em>-button. The penis on the screen moves a bit and a hand can be seen which is holding a little tube with Latin lettering. A big, <em>big</em>, drop of something that looks like somewhat different lube lands on the exposed glans.</p><p>Curious and skeptical at the same time I watch the ministrations of the faceless man. For a long minute there is nothing happening and all that can be seen is that dudes erection.</p><p>Then the hand comes back, holding some sort of… rod, made out of metal with rounded ends. It looks a bit like something that could be used in medicine. In a totally weird way it reminds me of the instruments that Dad has in his doctor’s office. The tip of this thing glistens suspiciously and I guess that it’s covered in the same lube-stuff.</p><p>I can feel Renji squeezing my hand. Obviously he seems to know what’s going to happen and just as obviously he thinks that this is the part that I won’t appreciate.</p><p>I refuse to judge just now what it’s about and if I like it or not. At the same time my brain is unable to catch up, not even when the guy puts the tip of the rod towards his penis and against the little opening on the glans.</p><p>Then I and my brain finally understand and now it’s me squeezing Renjis hand, unconsciously, while I try to understand why the hell someone would want to do that and if it’s dangerous or not and why my cock jolts awake as the faceless guy pushes the rod a tiny little bit into his dick. My gaze is glued to the spot where the small opening widens around the rod.</p><p>My mouth is awfully dry but I don’t clear my throat. More and more of the rod disappears inside the penis in the video. With no moan, with no damn sound he reveals what he is doing right now. I swallow hard. I get the urge to get loud from watching alone and little Ichigo presses against my pants uncomfortably.</p><p>I’m so fixed onto the video that I only realize it that Renji moves when he stops the video, the dude frozen in his movement.</p><p>He ends the full screen mode, his hand still in mine and I try to decipher the Latin title of the video. "Sun… Sond…" I try a few times before Renji corrects me with a hoarse voice: "Sounding." I have the feeling that he pronounced it awfully wrong but I just nod.</p><p>I can feel Renjis questioning gaze on me. I have to think it over first.</p><p>My brain tries to convince me that no penis is made for it to have <em>things</em> inside of it, that it probably hurts and that it presumably comes with medical consequences but my cock has already decided and so I just look at Renji openly.</p><p>"And?" I ask him. "What <em>and</em>?" he answers, quite defensive and pulls his hand back - or tries at least since I’m still holding on to him. "What’s so bad about it?" I ask him, more confident than I actually feel. I could come up with at least five things about <em>what’s so bad about it</em> on the spot.</p><p>A part of me wants Renji to convince me that this sounding-thing isn’t a good idea but he just stares at me as if someone else sits in front of him. I admit - I haven’t thought of me to have so much audacity so I’m not surprised that he thinks me to have it even less.</p><p>Wrong: He is my boyfriend and should support me with what I’m doing and help me over doubts. Tss, lets cut the textbook-relationship-crap - as if anyone would ever listen to it.</p><p>"You… liked it?" he asks me gingerly and I pull my hand away from my crotch. "Well, <em>he</em> did." I answer honestly and point to my covered erection.</p><p>Renjis gaze wanders to said body part. A moment later he gets up, lifts me into the air and presses me against the wall. Our pants are down to our knee cabs in a heartbeat and my legs around his hips. We have short, but damn good sex against the wall behind which neighbor is barely at home (and I hope for him <em>and</em> us that he’s gone for a business trip).</p><p>One should think that we would be incredibly exhausted afterwards and even though I’m breathing heavily I’m just the more active and awake.</p><p>We sit across each other cross legged and Renji tells me how he bought a full box of those rods in different sizes in a weak moment. He explains me more about the whole sounding-history, for example how it really comes from medicine originally (like I already thought) and that you actually shouldn’t be aroused (not like the guy in the video) and that you need special, extra sterile lube for it (which he bought just the same during his weak moment by the way).</p><p>He shows me the unopened package of the - how he calls it - SurgiLube and then the box with the metal rods, lets me take them into my hand and compare the seizes. The weight is about the same. I can tell that it’s made from high quality steel but despite of it - or maybe because of it - they have the weight of a feather.</p><p>We make up a date for tomorrow and then we leave each other alone with our thoughts.</p><p>In this night I’m haunted by dreams of metal rods that first give hellfire pain and then heavenly arousal and during our mathematics test on Friday morning I can’t concentrate.</p><p>I guess this grade is going to be a real bad one but I couldn’t care less right now. Renji doesn’t come to pick me up. He doesn’t have to either. We would’ve just ended up in a café or a ramen stand and even though I’m incredibly nervous the anticipation overshadows it.</p><p>Renji got his shit back together and greets me with his usual charm and humor, begs me inside and forces me to eat something first (I admit, I haven’t eaten that much today. I’m still not hungry though but I force myself to eat a bit).</p><p>Then he sends me off to take a shower. "Cold." be orders. "Cold?" I answer unbelievingly. "Yes. Real cold." I lift my eyebrows but I follow his order again and while I’m standing underneath the cold shower, shivering, I understand why. My cock, that was threatening to stand on attention at the softest provocation, hangs limb and motionless between my legs now.</p><p>I dry myself off properly, think about it for a moment and go back into his room completely naked.</p><p>His gaze wanders approvingly across my goose bumps-covered body and I stop for a moment and let him stare.</p><p>Renji wasn’t idle in the meantime either, he has pushed the table next to the bed and on top of it I can see the box with the rods and the special lube to reach everything comfortably.</p><p>Additionally he built something like a wall out of everything that’s close to soft against the wall behind the bed, a blanket and another one and a pillow and some bed sheets so that one could lean against it comfortably without hitting his head against the wall.</p><p>I nod, pleasantly surprised and get to the bed as if I wouldn’t do anything else all day.</p><p>I can feel (and hear) my heart beat loudly in my chest and even though my dick twitches lazily it’s still too cold for it to actually move.</p><p>"Well, get comfortable." Renji clears his throat and I follow his advise, climb onto the bed and lean against the padded wall.</p><p>Renji comes towards me and I have to force myself to take a few deep breaths. When he kneels onto the bed next to me my breath comes as calm as humanly possible in this situation.</p><p>"I’m not going to tie you up today." he tells me and I nod while his fingers run lightly over my dick. "You gonna help me out a bit?" he asks me. "Sure." I answer and he lifts up my cock until it points skywards, pulls down my foreskin and shows me to hold it like that so that he can inspect my glans.</p><p>A bit fascinated by his thoughtfulness I watch him when he gets out rubber gloves and pulls them over his hands. "Suits you, doctor Abarai." I try to lift the mood (and myself) and make him grin while he leans closer to my glans before he puts his thumb and pointer finger onto my tip, pulls it apart a tiny bit and inspects the little hole. He grabs behind himself into the box to get one of those rods out, puts it next to my cock and gazes from one to the other, looking concentrated before turning the rod around and inspecting the other end.</p><p>As it becomes obvious that Renji won’t push it into me right away I let my gaze stray away to the box for a moment. "There are some that are smaller." I realize. "Hmm." he nods his agreement. "But if I take one that’s too thin it could happen that the tip causes injuries. I don’t think that you want to explain to your father - or <em>anyone</em> - how you got yourself some inner bleeding inside of your prick."</p><p>He’s right about that and I lean back a bit, reassured.</p><p>He puts the rod back for a moment and grabs for the little tube with the latin lettering, opens the seal and then the tube to put a generous amount onto the head of my dick before he rubs his little finger across it as if trying to push it into the little hole on top.</p><p>He watches it judicially and puts some more lube there before putting some onto his covered fingers and the chosen end of the rod before he repeats this action until the end nearly drips, despite the lube being quite syrupy, a bit like jelly.</p><p>I can feel my dick twitch, cold be damned and bite my bottom lip to suppress a moan as Renji takes my cock into his hand, takes a deep breath himself and puts the end against the small opening.</p><p>I flinch slightly as my urinary output opens into the wrong direction and the rod slides into the inside of my cock by it’s own by about the quarter of an inch.</p><p>I whine. It feels… weird. A bit too full. As if I would have to go to the toilet urgently. Caringly Renji holds on to both the rod and my cock while his gaze wanders between my face and my cock.</p><p>"You okay?" I can just nod silently and give him the okay-sign with shaky fingers. His fingers let go of the rod for a moment and it sinks deeper into the small hole without Renji having to do anything.</p><p>My hips twitch away first and then towards him while my gaze is fixed to the spot where the metal meets up with my body and where it sinks deeper automatically, slowly, but continuously, again and again stopped by Renji whenever my hips twitch or my dick and I have to get used to the feeling.</p><p>In the five minutes or so that it takes for the rod to move into me as far as possible my penis turned warm first and then aroused. "That’s okay." Renji says. "You getting aroused sooner or later is the point of this."</p><p>Calmed down I let go of a held breath. Now I sit there with slightly spread legs and Renji in between them, leaned forward and wait for something to happen.</p><p>"Could you… move it?" I ask him with a thin, breathless voice. Renji nods, not taking his hungry gaze from my cock.</p><p>Both carefully and slowly he lifts the rod by one or two inch and watches gravity pull it back down while little noises escape me, not really moans, more a mixture between whimpers and gasps.</p><p>"Put your hand around your dick." he whispers with a hoarse voice and I follow his order. "Jerk off, but slowly." Gingerly I move my hand, can feel and see how the rod moves with every of my movements as well.</p><p>I feel real dizzy all of a sudden and can hear myself giggle while I can feel the hard steel at the backside of my cock. "Just imagine-" I gasp out. "What would’ve happened if we would’ve done that the first time we had sex. We wouldn’t have… haah… gotten the thing halfway… in before I would’ve c-cum."</p><p>Renji seems amused by that as well. "And now look at you." he admits. "You’re so hot." "Right?" I answer, more jokingly than anything else but Renji lifts his hand and tells me to wait.</p><p>Unwillingly I follow his command. "You see that end, right? That it’s curved?" I nod and remember that the other end, the one inside of me, has the same curved end.</p><p>"You know where the prostate is, right?" "Sure." I answer him, still dizzy and asking myself why he wants to know that. "Somewhere in my ass." "Ah, not quite right." he answers and presses his thumb lightly against a point somewhere behind my balls.</p><p>"<em>Here</em> it is and you can reach it like this," he rubs this thumb against that point again until I moan deeply, "through your ass - or through the urethra." I shudder and play it down with a: "You really know your science."</p><p>He doesn’t seem sure whether to take it as a compliment or not and just nods. "I’d just have to hold your penis differently and you'd have some direct prostate-stimulation. Do you want that?" he asks and even though the thought of the steel getting even deeper into me is strange I nod without thinking twice.</p><p>"Okay." he answers. "I’m quite sure that this’ll make you cum almost immediately - so squeeze your balls so that it doesn’t happen."</p><p>I follow his order and wrap both thumb and pointer finger in a tight ring around my testicles.</p><p>"Ready?" I nod, breathlessly and he pulls my dick back a bit and then into another direction and I can <em>feel</em> the metal moving deeper a tiny bit and then <em>around the corner</em> and I nearly squeeze off my balls in the try not to cum.</p><p>"Oh shit shit shit!" I whimper, head pressed against the sheets behind me, back hollowed and my heels rammed into the mattress.</p><p>My hands shake and I have to get my other one to help to keep me from orgasm. Renji pulls the rod back a bit quickly, breathing just a hard as I am. "Fuck, you’re awesome." he whispers, excited and gives me a moment to calm down - but I just can’t. The weird feel inside my urethra vanished and if feels like I would do that a lot. Since forever.</p><p>At least right now I’m not as close to orgasm anymore but Renji keeps on holding the rod for another minute, to make sure that it doesn’t reach my point of lust again.</p><p>"Damn, I could watch you all day long." I snort with a harsh laugh. "Well, forget about it. I won’t be able to hold back another time."</p><p>I should’ve drunken something. I can see stars dancing in front of my eyes. "Time for the overkill." Renji gives in. "Put your hands away. Cum whenever you feel like it."</p><p>"Hmm." I nod, eyes closed. What exactly does Renji mean with overkill? I guess I can think of something as I can feel his hand at my ass. He pushes a finger into me but stops shortly before my point of lust. He angles my erection and with a short look down I can see that he’s holding the rod with his teeth so that it doesn’t move and then it moves down again and a bit further.</p><p>At the same time he uses his free hand to cup my glans like in a little cave and completes this ring with his mouth that he presses against the backside of my glance before he starts to suckle lightly.</p><p>And even while I feel something explode inside of me and how my body is shaking from the feeling of electricity running through me and while I’m screaming (or at least I <em>think</em> that I’m screaming) the finger inside my ass starts to massage my prostate from the other side and my hips twitch and at one point my hand found a way into his hair and I pull at it, pound my free fist into the mattress next to me and Renji pulls the rod back a bit before it nearly shoots out of my dick, quickened by my sperm.</p><p>He puts it next to us quickly and puts his mouth over my glans, sucks at it lightly, nearly as if he would be begging for my cum. He gets it. Not even his Kidou threads would have been able to hold me back from orgasm now - and I cum and cum as if my last time wasn’t in the last afternoon but last year.</p><p>The world turns black for a moment but I stay conscious, hear my loud breath and feel his loving caresses.</p><p>A few moments pass before his finger vanishes from my ass and his mouth from my glans.</p><p>Instead a glass presses against my lips and I drink hastily, swallow weirdly and start to cough before I grab for the glass clumsily and continue to drink.</p><p>It’s impossible to say for how long I stayed far from the world like that but when I decide to open my eyes again the world isn’t turning and the stars disappeared.</p><p>Instead I’m leaning against Renjis shoulder, slumped over and with sweat running down my body.</p><p>Circuitously I look up at my friend. "What, nothing about how hot I was?" I ask him hoarsely but he just shakes his head. "Speechless." he croaks and I giggle before I get back to the task to gasp for breath.</p><p>My cock feels a bit weird. As… if something would be missing. Somehow too cold, but from the inside out, as if wind could blow through it.</p><p>Fuck <em>gasping for breath</em>. I ram my shoulder into Renjis chest and lean over him as he lands on the mattress, surprised by my action.</p><p>It’s his turn now.</p>
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